Should we be encouraging (forcing) possibly autistic son to leave the house for family fun?

[PotatoesLogsEggs]

Son is 6 and on the waiting list for an autism assessment. We like to do things on a weekend, DH WFH and has been cooped up inside all week. We also have a daughter who deserves trips out.

The problem is our son really protests to going out and he can find it tough. We only do family friendly things, today we’re going to a train museum. We’ve talked through it, done a visual timetable, packed him a bag of snacks, ear defenders, fidgets etc and he’s now on board with coming.

So our trouble is, he finds it tough, he’s telling us he finds it tough. Do we ‘give in’ and live the life of hermits or try build him up to doing gentle activities for the sake of family sanity?

Sorry, type wasn't diagnosed UNTIL 7/8

I hasten to add that aged 6 there were lots of meltdowns and siblings spats, ds reacting to brother's words for example, when we went out - I don't want to see it all through rose tinted glasses...holidays were quite dicey and we limited those too to the tried and tested (GPs only) (he hated the feeling of sand for example) and we did feel quite sorry for ourselves at the time, especially when other parents seemed to be doing "fun things ". Although on further questioning a lot of these parents said their fun outings were very wearing!

We have this with our DS with ASD.

He's better with it now (12) in terms of trying new things and I'm better at knowing when he's a bit frazzled and when not to push him.

I always think it's lovely that home is his happy/safe pace but I agree that it's good to get them out and experiencing new things so they don't miss out.

I do think outings every weekend could be a bit much.

While your DH has been cooped up all week and is desperate to get outside, DS has been out and masking all week at school and could well need some time at home to decompress and relax.

Your thinking is a bit black or white, here. It's not a case of give in and stay home all weekend or drag him around museums in a state of misery for everyone else's sake, Sometimes he will be OK to do it and sometimes he won't. It's not his fault his Dad works from home nor his responsibility to give his sister the day trips she deserves.

Doing what's best for the kids should be your priority and sometimes that may mean DH having to stay home and others it may mean DD going out with one parent, not both, so DS can stay home.

Is he in school full time?

Because if he is, I don't blame him for wanting to stay local and keep things simple at weekend.

If you have to take ear defenders for your child, are you sure you're going to the right place???

Can't one of you just do something simple with him, library/park/local walk?

Rather than the whole tribe going along??

Sounds like stimulation overload tbh for him

I think you’d benefit from a parenting class for parenting ND children. I went to one via CAHMS and it was enormously helpful. There are a few things you said that were quite jarring ‘he acts normal and then acts babyish’ ‘I am pushing him to be well rounded’. These are difficult things to hear as a fellow ND parent.

How it worked for us at that age was to focus on time outside. We almost never did inside activities - we’d try now and again but maybe a couple times a year. We did lots of beaches and picnics and walks. My daughter loves ballet and that was a massive incentive to her so we go to a lot of dance performances. She’s 12 now and loves theatre so I take her to loads. She wears earplugs a lot which is fine. And we go to the exact same restaurant every time as she really benefits from combining a familiar thing with a new thing - not all one or the other.

We split up plenty as well as we have a two parent / two child household. My son’s life has been affected by his sister but we try to make sure he’s getting equal autonomy and attention.

i think it’s great that your son is able to express what he needs and feels safe doing so.

Exactly same restaurant /cafe every time and exact same food rings a bell with me.
There is also something to be said about the buildup of tension involved in getting ready to go out, getting coats shoes toileting beforehand which your child will most certainly be picking up on. Streamline your hall! We used to get "hall rage"
So keeping transitions really smooth and simple no big build up no instructions just calm preparation IE same coat comfortable shoes, time preparation we will be leaving at x returning for y time you do most of the getting ready for him will also help defuse

Such a helpful post.
have been reading this thread as my DS has pda, will be checking out these resources- thanks!