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Need help - possibly messed up a chance for love

11 replies

ChickenFete · 05/10/2025 09:51

I'm 44 with 2 teens and one in primary. My DH unexpectedly died 3 years ago. Life has been hard but we have come out the other side and we are doing good and I feel things have finally settled.

Relationships is not even on my radar. I'm just focussed on myself and the kids, working FT with a 2nd casual job, managing the house, and making sure my DC are all ok. Life is busy and tiring but I am grateful for what I have.

A few years ago I joined a fun, hobby type course. The class were a really nice bunch and we still keep in touch every now and again, however, I really clicked with one of them and we became really close friends.

I absolutely love my friend. He's funny, kind, caring, honestly a great guy. We get along so well and we just 'get' each other. He's 35 but tbh I thought he was older than me! He's been single for awhile.

Anyway, a couple of days ago he asked if I wanted to meet up for a coffee and a catch up as he was in the area. He doesn't live local to me but travels around a lot for work.

When I met him, we chatted as normal but I could tell something wasn't right so asked him what was up. He told me that he wanted to meet me today to tell me that he was in love with me and has been since a long time and that was the reason he broke up with his gf. He started having feelings for me and he then broke up with her. He hadn't told me earlier because I am so vocal about not being in a relationship so knew it was pointless.

I was in shock and taken aback and said I didn't know and mumbled an excuse and then left. It was a horrible thing to do and I don't know why I did that. Now I've had time to process it, I feel we could give it a go but have so many questions, like kids, etc. I've been so obstinate in focussing on my kids and our family unit that I've just blocked out being in a relationship ever again.

Ive probably hurt his feelings and he's rethinking his decision too. I don't know what to say to him. Obviously sorry for a start but would he believe my poor reason for an excuse. Should I call, request to meet up again, text. I don't want to mess this up like I already have!

OP posts:
Newname09 · 05/10/2025 09:55

I doubt it’s made him rethink his feelings, you can’t just turn them off like that. I think message and say sorry that I rushed off so hastily the other day, it took me by surprise and I didn’t know how to react. Let’s meet up and have a chat ☺️x

Pollqueen · 05/10/2025 10:50

Newname09 · 05/10/2025 09:55

I doubt it’s made him rethink his feelings, you can’t just turn them off like that. I think message and say sorry that I rushed off so hastily the other day, it took me by surprise and I didn’t know how to react. Let’s meet up and have a chat ☺️x

This. It's perfectly normal to be blindsided by something like this and need time to process and think about it, which is what you did

Contact him. What have you got to lose and good luck x

Pifflepafflewifflewaffle · 05/10/2025 10:53

This is so romantic, what a perfect way to meet someone, and he handled it so well by ending it with his ex with respect before letting you know how he felt. Huge green flag I think.

You haven’t messed it up, people don’t just stop feeling the depth of feeling he has for you.

please keep us posted, living for the romance of it all. Good luck!

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AltitudeCheck · 05/10/2025 10:56

You haven't messed up but do get in touch with him soon as he must worried he's overstepped/ upset you/ been rejected.

You don't have to say anything big, just let him know he's given you something to think about that you had previously not even let yourself imagine.

OrlandointheWilderness · 05/10/2025 11:39

Well he’s done it in a honourable way tbh, sounds like a potential good one. Text him immediately and let us know what happens! Good luck

ChickenFete · 05/10/2025 14:10

Thanks guys. I finally had the courage to text him. I apologised for leaving so hastily and that I was in shock. I suggested id like to meet again to talk things through.

He replied saying it's okay and understandable he won't be back in the area till a fortnight but he could come up on a weekday. We've agreed on Wednesday so will let you know what happens!

OP posts:
Hoodlumboodlum · 05/10/2025 14:15

Well done OP!

sesquipedalian · 05/10/2025 14:16

So glad he’s coming back for you, OP - I shall be looking out for the next instalment! I hope it all goes really well.

ChickenFete · 28/10/2025 07:48

Sorry! I forgot to update this! We basically talked things through and are officially a couple albeit a long distance one! I want to take things slowly and not move anyone into my home with my kids. He totally understands that and the long distance works for him to as he is tied up with work where he lives. We don't know what the future holds but we're enjoying it and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel happy.

OP posts:
Jan039 · 28/10/2025 08:02

That is lovely OP and all sounds very sensible. Enjoy yourself!

seriousandloyal · 29/10/2025 07:02

Well done OP, he sounds nice and so do you! Best of luck!

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