Dating - how long until you sleep with them

[Ceci693]

So I’ve got a date - my first in a very long time- and I’m actually terrified about getting intimate: it’s been so long and I’m so insecure about my body and all kinds of things and am I crap at it and what will he think / I really need to feel secure before even attempting any intimacy. I guess I just have to tell him I’m not ready. What’s the usual though

I don't think there is a 'usual' number of dates. It should depend entirely on how comfortable you feel with the other person.
It's fine to have lots of dates before getting intimate and also fine to end things before it gets to that stage if you're not feeling it.

In her dating days my friend used to purposely not shave her legs (or tidy anything else up) until the 4th date. Stopped her doing anything she might regret 😂

Messaged me

There isn't any usual. You should do what's right for you and what you actually want to do. Do it when you feel ready and don't worry about other people's timelines.
There's nothing wrong with sleeping with someone on the first date if that's how you feel.. there's nothing wrong with waiting months.. there's nothing wrong with ending it before it gets to that point because you've decided you don't want to at all.
Just make sure to think about what your boundaries are and do it when you feel secure enough.

It sounds like you’re putting pressure on yourself to be intimate after a first date? That’s rarely a good idea.
I choose not to regardless of how attractive they are in an attempt to weed out those who just want to sleep around. When you’re ready then you’ll know.
Until then just get to know them and you might decide to, or not to. Only do what feels comfortable for you, and if anyone tries to persuade you otherwise then they’re not right for you.

You don't need to tell him anything or justify why you don't want sex on the first date. In fact if he expects sex on the first date I don't think I'd see him again.

My "earliest" was about 15 minutes . . .