My reception child is not happy 😥

[Beardeddragonmum]

Wondered if anyone has any advice, my little one has recently started school, a year later as I chose to defer him as he was not ready and had diagnosed learning difficulties! However since starting school his behaviour has shifted he is constantly having meltdowns , screaming refusing to go to sleep waking hourly and hitting myself and his siblings ! I am at a complete loss as to what to do , I am exhausted mentally and physically , struggling to concentrate at work as well, I dread every morning and evening 😥😥

Request an EHCNA yourself ASAP. IPSEA and SOSSEN are charities who support parents. They have lots of information on their websites, including model letters you can use.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

Has DS seen SALT and OT? Does he take anything to aid sleep?

Request a meeting with the SENCO again. If they refuse, go to the HT. If the HT refuses go through the formal complaints process. I know you said it is difficult but I would also ask to speak to the class teacher. Follow up all verbal conversations with emails so you have a paper trail as evidence should you require it.

My son who is Autistic, has a sensory disorder and Dyspraxia was like this. Mostly fine at school but OMG when he came home we knew about it!
screaming, shouting, kicking, hitting and massive meltdowns. Couldn’t settle to sleep and hard to wake for school.
It was classic too scared to be himself at school but at home just let rip. It’s very normal with SEN kids, albeit very distressing for all involved.

Social skills, communication, physical (He uses a mobility buggy provided by OT)

He was also with the childminder from 7-6 5 days a week so his days are shorter now as I collect him at 5 and he goes in at 745

I'm sorry to hear you've experienced similar ! It really is horrendous!

Sorry you are being disingenuous. You really cannot compare a day of 1 to 1 at child minder with being in a classroom setting with 29 other children most of the day and being expected to conform to expectations without expecting issues at home. The poor child is probably exhausted by now in the term.

Apologies was not meaning to come across that way

No, I agree you are correct,I was not in any way prepared for this I naively assumed it would be ok , the sleep deprevation is not helping my brain 🙈

Sounds very strange to me that the school are being so dismissive despite you having documentation showing his needs. That said, there is a HUGE difference between a long day with a 1:1 childminder and a (also long) school day in a classroom where there will be higher expectations and a lot more going on from a sensory perspective. At just 4 weeks in, the behaviour you describe is very normal for children without an additional diagnosis as it's a huge change to adjust, holding behaviour together all day often results in outbursts/over tiredness/behavioural issues at home (in their "safe space").

You say the school say he is fine, do you mean they feel he is in line with his peers and do not agree he has any SEN or do they mean fine as in expected behaviour taking his diagnosis into account? I would expect them to notice a marked difference in a child with a developmental age much younger than the other children, it's not really behaviour that can be masked - for example is he toilet trained/what's his speech like? You also mention physical difficulties requiring a mobility buggy, what does that look like for him?

I only ask so many questions as I work in EYFS, specifically with children with SEN, who typically have global developmental delay and would like to understand your son's needs more as the school's approach seems very unusual and unhelpful.

Why did he go from 1 to 1 with a childminder to school with breakfast and after school club? Is there no chance that the childminder could pick him up from school?

Many 4 years olds without additional needs would struggle going from 1 to 1 to a full class, or from a day with one group of people to a day with three settings and three sets of people. I think you may just have to accept the fact that at the moment he cannot cope with that and so either you need to pick him up from school or someone else needs to do it one-to-one.

Don't get me wrong, none of this in any way excuses for the school not communicating with you, or not providing any support, but honestly I'm not sure they could cure the problem of his days with fairly large groups being utterly exhausting. If the school are not being wildly enthusiastic about contacting you to say he is not coping, then its very unlikely that, in a draft EHCP they would give him hours and hours of one-to-one.

That being the case, he might be exhausted by home-time even if he had support. If the support is not actually giving him extra down time and rest, then probably a one-on-one, cosy after school setting is needed for now.

Are they at the same school?

Thanks for your comments, I've tried to find an alternative without success, I will keep trying!

No, unfortunately

Why didn’t you use a school nursery out of interest?
Can he talk at all? What are his physical skills like? Can he run? Draw?

We had similar and I reached out to the school who didn't offer help, which caused a loss of confidence in them.

Anyway luckily we moved him and ever since he's been thriving and so happy.

If the school doesn't suit you, your child and your family you it might be worth looking at other schools.

My child was very similar to yours. Now has a asd diagnosis. I think you need to consider what diagnosis you think he needs. Are paeds thinking asd or global developmental delay, or something else. You need to communicate with the paed for a proper diagnosis. Then school will need to listen. You need to read up and see where you think he fits. Keep communicating with his teacher. Also contact the school nursing team for advice. Sendiass are great and can dis use different needs and support and attend meetings. If this particular school are not helping you will need to find one that works better with Sen.

I have no new advice but I wanted to say you sound like a lovely, caring mum.

The SEND system is complex and variable, depending on local authority policies and how tuned in key people at school (headteacher, SENDCO, class teacher) are to SEND.

As an above poster says, read the SEND Code of Practice as it is law. Make sure you know and can quote the relevant parts. Also go to your council website and look up ‘SEND local offer’ to find out more about how things work in your area. Talk to whoever will listen. I say all this because it is well known in special needs education that the children who receive the most support are the ones whose parents are the best advocates.

Hi OP
This all sounds very difficult and my heart goes out to you.
I have a profoundly disabled child - cannot walk, talk, is tube fed etc. She’s naturally very sociable and very happy but she finds large numbers of people difficult- not in a town or park for instance but in her home or classroom or at a party (perhaps concentrated in one place is a good way of describing it).
Also often finds it hard to sleep.
A few questions for you to think about- you don’t need to answer.
Does she have a paediatrician designated to her? Is that a community paediatrician?
Have they considered prescribing melatonin to help sleep?
Have they used the term “global development delay”?
If they are ascribing a mental age have they carried out an IQ test or is it based off general activities he can or cannot do?
Is there a specialist school near you that would be more suitable?
Have you contacted the council to ask for an EHCP?
Is there a way he could do reduced hours until he gets more comfortable with the school routine?
Apologies for how this question might seem - does he understand what school is - if he hasn’t been to nursery he might find the difference overwhelming and might not understand what it is, why he’s going there etc. I remember starting school myself and though I’d heard talk about it because I had an older brother I had no idea how odd it would be (now I grew up in v different circumstances but was used to playing all day (games that were imagination based), drawing, doing little jobs around my home etc but I had no idea how restrictive school would seem to me).
My DD’s specialist school is more like advanced nursery than school - there’s a curriculum but it doesn’t involve anything approximating to regular school and so is suited to her mental age and physical abilities.

If you know a local specialist school maybe have a look at their website and see what you think about the day looks like (eg swimming/hydrotherapy/ learning about me and my community/learning to wash our hands/cookery/sensory play/sensory stories/classes like “move”). You might feel this is more suitable and then you can push the council in the direction of this kind of school.
He wouldn’t necessarily have to spend years or his whole junior school there (unless he needed it) but it may be worth looking at.
My DD had an EHCP which was ready when she turned 4 and started school.
That involved OT and physio assessments, an educational psychologist assessment, input from her community paediatrician, her nursery and obviously me.
She found the first couple of weeks of school difficult (then ended up in hospital for 2 weeks) but went back knowing what to expect and she very suddenly could deal with going off in a taxi with a PA she’d never met with a driver she’d never met for a full day of school. Maybe by half-term going back will mean he’s had time to recalibrate and you might find things are much better once he’s had a bit of a break.
Can he tell you what is troubling him?

The SENCOP is worth reading, but it isn’t law in itself. It is statutory guidance, which isn’t quite the same. In simple terms, perhaps oversimplified, it is as near as law as you can get without actually being law. Much of it is based on legislation. However, there are some differences between the legislation and the SENCOP, which resulted in some case law about their interaction.