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Original poster

Head vs heart decision

13 replies

Momoz · 04/10/2025 17:11

Dsis lives in New Zealand. She came to visit us with her family in summer 2024.

She was due to visit again in summer 2026. However, due to various issues, her trip has been postponed until summer 2027.

The thought of not seeing sister and my nieces for 3 years is killing me. It’s actually painful. 2 years is bad enough, but 3 years is too much.

I suggested to DH that we go to visit them in NZ next summer. We currently have just enough in savings to pay for the flights. We‘d obviously need spending money, which we could put aside each month.

But it would totally deplete our savings. We own our house, and drive 2 old cars. DH thinks it’s too risky. If anything happened with the house or cars we‘d be screwed.

WWYD?

OP posts:
ToldYouTwiceAlready · 04/10/2025 17:12

Go. See your sister and her family.

Chewbecca · 04/10/2025 17:13

Could you find some other way of raising money to go? Get a small additional job, say a Christmas one and put every penny earned aside?
I think I would try to find a way to make it work.

Littlemrsconfetti · 04/10/2025 17:15

Is there a way you could do extra hours to save? If you go in 2026?

Or perhaps offer your sister half her flight cost if its just her it would be cheaper for her to fly to you OP?

I don't think I would spend all your savings in case you had a house emergency crop up.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 04/10/2025 17:16

And what if something does happen? It could tear your marriage apart if you'd been asked not to spend everything you had and you did it anyway, and then you were left with nothing.
You must have a safety net, especially the way the economy is right now

PraisebetoGod · 04/10/2025 17:16

Unless I was prepared to earn extra money to pay for the flights and holiday costs then I wouldn't be going and spending all my savings. Believe me, your car will break down once you've paid for flights or some other unexpected bill will appear and you'll really be screwed then.

AudiobookListener · 04/10/2025 17:19

I wouldn't risk it, especially as DH isn't keen. A short trip could easily be a disappointment, as you will naturally be hoping for so much from it. I would use very regular, short video calls with your family to soften the pain of missing them, rather than adding in the pain of possible money woes.

AliceMaforethought · 04/10/2025 17:20

I agree with your husband TBH. Unless, as others say, you find some way of financing the trip which doesn't deplete your savings (extra job or sell any valuables that you can bear to part with-yours rather than your husbands-) Another thing to consider is whether your sister would be up to hosting you in NZ. If the circumstances are illness of any sort, then she might not even want you to come. I don't mean she wouldn't want to see you, but she might want to wait for the effects of whatever has happened to be well in the past.

Gerwurtztraminer · 04/10/2025 17:23

Your husband is right. I would never put a trip like that ahead of having a substantial emergency fund in savings. Could you get a second job and use that to pay for the trip?

Whilst it may be sad not to see her for so long, your finanical security is more important. I speak as someone from NZ and now live in the UK. You just have accept the tyranny of distance. I haven't been back since 2019 and only seen one sibling in that time who came over here for a visit. (Obviously Covid affected some of that time anyway). But regular video calls fill the gap.

AliceMaforethought · 04/10/2025 17:26

Also, you can't expect your husband to feel as strongly about this as you do. I quite like my SIL but I would not be willing to put myself in financial hardship to see her if she had moved halfway around the world.

ginasevern · 04/10/2025 17:28

Nope, too risky. And your DH would be livid if something did happen.

Dozer · 04/10/2025 17:33

Could you go by yourself? It’d be much cheaper.

Original poster
Momoz · 04/10/2025 17:48

Lots to think about. Thanks for the responses. I know you’re right.

We‘ve debated me going on my own. But then we‘d need childcare for DC which would also be a big expense. (I‘m a teacher so I‘d have to go in the summer holidays). And one of the reasons to go is for the cousins to be together.

If we did all go, it would be for 2-3 weeks. Which would be a lot of expense- meals out, entertainment etc.

DSis would be thrilled to have us there. It’s a long and boring story why they have to postpone. But it wouldn’t affect our potential visit at all.

We‘re both already at our limit with work. Taking on weekend work would break us. We have no family nearby and DH would never agree to take another job, or for me to take another job (because our family time would be reduced to zero).

The world is too big 😢

OP posts:
AliceMaforethought · 04/10/2025 17:51

Momoz · 04/10/2025 17:48

Lots to think about. Thanks for the responses. I know you’re right.

We‘ve debated me going on my own. But then we‘d need childcare for DC which would also be a big expense. (I‘m a teacher so I‘d have to go in the summer holidays). And one of the reasons to go is for the cousins to be together.

If we did all go, it would be for 2-3 weeks. Which would be a lot of expense- meals out, entertainment etc.

DSis would be thrilled to have us there. It’s a long and boring story why they have to postpone. But it wouldn’t affect our potential visit at all.

We‘re both already at our limit with work. Taking on weekend work would break us. We have no family nearby and DH would never agree to take another job, or for me to take another job (because our family time would be reduced to zero).

The world is too big 😢

I'm sorry to say that it would be too tight. You can't afford it.

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