I’m not ok

[deflatedbirthday]

I work in healthcare and have been at the scene of quite a few crash calls over time. All have been either false alarms or had a positive outcome.

The department I work in experiences these events extremely rarely.

In all previous situations we’ve had the backing of the crash team and other more senior staff.

Yesterday, 3 colleagues and myself were involved in a very unexpected crash. We all performed cpr, helped the doctors who arrived to gain IV access for the patient and performed the majority of the resus, despite a crash team arriving and far more experienced staff being turned away at the door.

The patient sadly could not be saved.

We were not ok afterwards. We were unable to process what had happened but as we had other patients to see, we just got on with the day.

Now that the shock has worn off, I feel terrible. Worse than I have ever felt in a work related emergency. I am anxious. I feel guilty. I feel overwhelmingly sad.

I know all of this is normal but how long will it last? No amount of training can prepare you for this.

I don’t know what I want from this. I feel I just need to get it off my chest.

I’m sorry you went through that. Is there help / support available through your workplace?

Have you access to EAP?

There is support available through work and our manager has referred us all.

I would think you need to debrief- to talk through what happened, what choices you had and what could have happened differently.

Will there be a review, after an unexpected death like this?

I’m sorry you have had to go through this, and thank you for working in such a vital role.

It’s ok to not be ok. I hope you are able to process it and come to terms with it soon.

OP I'm so sorry you're struggling coping with such an awful experience - it's really ok to not be ok 😔 healthcare workers are human beings too and all the emotions you are feeling are normal human emotions. You do a very difficult job!

When my Uncle died in hospital, the young nurses on his ward cried with us - they all said how lovely he was and what a pleasure it had been to know him. It was a great comfort to us that he had been cared for by such dedicated and wonderful professionals. I'm sure that the family of the patient you lost will be feeling comforted that you all did all you could. Please be gentle with yourself and lean on those close to you. I hope the counselling is provided soon and us helpful. Take care lovely 💐

Thank you all. I’m shocked by how shocked I feel. As I say,this is not my first rodeo. It was a first for two of my colleagues though and I feel so awful for them both. They were amazing throughout. Even though I was the least senior in the room in terms of position, I was probably the most experienced from an emergency situation so I feel very protective of my younger colleagues. I’m back at work tonight. The colleagues I’m with have been great in checking in that I’m ok. I just seem to be taking this harder than usual.

despite a crash team arriving and far more experienced staff being turned away at the door

Was there a reason for this? Do you feel comfortable with it? Is this something you would benefit from focusing on with a counsellor? Did this impact the outcome? I’m not waiting for answers, I’m just struck by this sentence, that’s all.

I’m unsure if the reason at the moment. It’s being looked into. It wouldn’t have affected the outcome for the patient but it might have been less traumatic for those of us who deal with these situations less frequently.