Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Feeling lost and tempted to just move back home

20 replies

Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 13:50

Hi all, sorry for the long post.
As you can guess from my username I am in Liverpool and have been here for 3 months. I'm originally from County Durham area. I had wanted to move here for a while but the pandemic put paid to that. Anyway, I am finally here, but it didn't happen in the way I had hoped (which I don't want to go into too much detail about) and I am now living in a hotel (the council/LA put me here due to my circumstances). After being low contact with my mum for a couple of years, we have been talking again and I'm in my home town visiting her.

People here back home have been very pleased to see me and this is why this is making me sad: I am struggling to make permanent friends in Liverpool. Apart from a support worker I have, I am completely on my own. I don't even have anyone to go for a pint/glass of wine with. Yes, people have been very friendly and talk to me on the bus, out and about etc, but I feel very alone. I feel so down seeing groups enjoying themselves in pubs/restaurants and seeing couples everywhere. I have joined a group activity that meet every week. Theyre all of course very friendly and welcoming, but they don't seem to socialise outside of the group and go straight home when it finishes. I've only just joined though so maybe that might change. I'm also looking for a job/training at the moment and I'm also exploring volunteering opportunities. I just fear that things will never change. I wanted to move from my small home town because I wanted change, and now I just feel a bit "meh". I'm hoping that it was the circumstances that led to me finally getting here are what is affecting how I'm really feeling about it (I was expecting to have a job and a flat lined up before i moved, but it actually happened suddenly and unexpectedly with no time for me to prepare) and I'm hoping this feeling will pass. I am also waiting for my housing application to get accepted which has been quite worrying. I'm in two minds whether to move back to my home town and back to what is "familiar", even though I know I'll never achieve the life I want there (it's a very backward, deprived town) and ill regret going back within weeks. But the not having any actual friends, being alone every weekend and having no one to do stuff with that's getting to me. I don't know what I looking for really, maybe just some hope and advice. Its a great city and I don't want to leave- one of my biggest downfalls in my life has been that i don't stick things out and usually bail when things get tough- I want to give this at last 6mo- 1yr and then reflect back.

Its a great city, lovely people, but I can't take this loneliness much longer ❤️

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 04/10/2025 13:55

Why do you have a support worker? Can they help?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/10/2025 13:56

From your name, I think youre mid 30s like me

I completely understand how hard it is making friends in the city. Its just me and dd and i'm struggling now with the loneliness in ldn

Some practical things to consider:
You and your mum were estranged. You are on the council waiting list for your own flat - you will lose this opportunity if you go back home to your mum

And it might not work out anyway, given your relationship! Then where will you be

Stick it out in Liverpool. Spend some time on mn for a bit of chat

Maybe start a social media page? Tiktok definitely. You could talk about your journey and life in Liverpool!

Could be a great way to meet people?

Have you seen the doc for some anti depressants? Maybe they could help?

❤️

Libertylawn · 04/10/2025 13:56

People often mistake Liverpool (and Irish) affability and banter as friendliness but it’s actually quite cliquey.

Mandarinaduck · 04/10/2025 13:56

Oh loneliness is so awful.

I would say, though, stick with it. Something will come through re job/training/volunteering and it will honestly make all the difference. This is something you've long wanted so do try to push through this difficult part.

Original poster
Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 14:04

Libertylawn · 04/10/2025 13:55

Why do you have a support worker? Can they help?

She has suggested groups etc. I have no one but her to talk to about the situation as I'm very reluctant to tell people I don't really know in case they take advantage (I'm quite vulnerable atm)

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 04/10/2025 14:07

Yes but why do you even have a support worker in the first place? That’s unusual in the extreme.

You don’t have to share all your personal details with anyone, and maybe joining some clubs could be the way forward. CrossFit especially. Also are you in a bit of Liverpool that has other “blow-ins” so you’re not as much of an outsider? Or in bits where literally everyone is related?

Libertylawn · 04/10/2025 14:07

Also, download CoPilot. It’s very useful.

Original poster
Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 14:13

Maybe start a social media page? Tiktok definitely. You could talk about your journey and life in Liverpool!

Ive thought about doing this, but on Instagram as I don't like tiktok. I'm not very social media savvy though and it only seems to be certain "types" of people who get noticed on there....

OP posts:
Original poster
Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 14:15

Libertylawn · 04/10/2025 14:07

Yes but why do you even have a support worker in the first place? That’s unusual in the extreme.

You don’t have to share all your personal details with anyone, and maybe joining some clubs could be the way forward. CrossFit especially. Also are you in a bit of Liverpool that has other “blow-ins” so you’re not as much of an outsider? Or in bits where literally everyone is related?

It is for DA if that clears things up for you. I'm in the city centre atm.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/10/2025 14:17

It takes time to fit into a new place and time to make friends. You have maybe been a bit unrealistic about how long that would take if you want to give up after 3 months? I have moved many times to many new places, and it takes at least a year and sometimes a couple of years before I start to feel like I belong there. Join groups, get out there and meet people. Get your housing and job situation sorted. Accept that it will be lonely and hard work at first. If you think it would help you, give yourself a timeframe for seeing how it goes - for example, tell yourself that if you are in the same place in life this time next year, you will go home.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/10/2025 14:19

Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 14:13

Maybe start a social media page? Tiktok definitely. You could talk about your journey and life in Liverpool!

Ive thought about doing this, but on Instagram as I don't like tiktok. I'm not very social media savvy though and it only seems to be certain "types" of people who get noticed on there....

It would just be for you, op, not to gain lots of followers, but to meet like minded people - the followers may come or they may not

Would recommend tiktok though as its a better community and Instagram is dying tbh xx

Poppingby · 04/10/2025 14:27

Why don't you give yourself a date by which you can move home? Make it as distant as you can cope with. March 26? Then if it's not working out you can go back.

It is a bit of a slog settling in somewhere and unfortunately it doesn't happen in a montage like TV/film would suggest. Can you imagine how nice it would be if it did?! In the meantime try to imagine yourself as a gritty, tenacious heroine getting through this time to get what you want. Yes volunteer, not sure if you're working but try that, join clubs etc. If it doesn't work out you can leave in March and no harm done, but not before.

MinnieCauldwell · 04/10/2025 14:38

Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 14:15

It is for DA if that clears things up for you. I'm in the city centre atm.

Show quote history

If you have relocated due to DA I think it would be better that you keep off of social media.

Is your support worker from a refuge organisation? Sometimes they have group meet ups with others in the same situation

Original poster
Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 14:45

Poppingby · 04/10/2025 14:27

Why don't you give yourself a date by which you can move home? Make it as distant as you can cope with. March 26? Then if it's not working out you can go back.

It is a bit of a slog settling in somewhere and unfortunately it doesn't happen in a montage like TV/film would suggest. Can you imagine how nice it would be if it did?! In the meantime try to imagine yourself as a gritty, tenacious heroine getting through this time to get what you want. Yes volunteer, not sure if you're working but try that, join clubs etc. If it doesn't work out you can leave in March and no harm done, but not before.

Yes I'm going to give myself at least a year. I have to at least stick it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 14:47

MinnieCauldwell · 04/10/2025 14:38

If you have relocated due to DA I think it would be better that you keep off of social media.

Is your support worker from a refuge organisation? Sometimes they have group meet ups with others in the same situation

Show quote history

Yes, I'm very private on SM. It's totally locked down so this is another reason starting a tiktok account isn't a great idea atm.

The support worker is from a local DA charity that I was put in touch with.

OP posts:
TiredofLDN · 04/10/2025 14:49

I think when you’re an adult, work (or studying) tends to be the way you make friends/ create connections when you move to a new place. If you’re not ready to give up on Liverpool, you’ll likely find things change drastically when you go into work or training.

TiredofLDN · 04/10/2025 14:52

Just to reassure you, I moved location about a decade ago after quite a dramatic relationship breakdown. I moved 300 miles, changed careers, started from scratch in terms of home/ belongings etc and was a single mum of a small baby. It took me about … 2 years? Maybe 3? To really feel like I was “settled”- and it coincided with making friends at work, and moving into a community I really love. I was lucky because DS was at an age where making parent friends also helped significantly- but it does take time.

Friendlygingercat · 04/10/2025 15:03

I came to Manchester (from Liverpool) many years ago to go to uni. I tried to form friendships several times at uni but was knocked back for reasons I could not put my finger on. Now I realise that younger students dont want to socialise with someone the same age as their mum. Why should they? It took several years and then I made friends with a neighbour and through him I made more friends, We are no longer neighbours (I moved to another part of the city) but we see each other regularly.

Can your support worker suggest some places where you might make contacts. What about volunteering for a few hours a week. You may not make friends at once but it will fill up the time and give you a feeling of doing something worthwhile.

Original poster
Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 15:29

TiredofLDN · 04/10/2025 14:52

Just to reassure you, I moved location about a decade ago after quite a dramatic relationship breakdown. I moved 300 miles, changed careers, started from scratch in terms of home/ belongings etc and was a single mum of a small baby. It took me about … 2 years? Maybe 3? To really feel like I was “settled”- and it coincided with making friends at work, and moving into a community I really love. I was lucky because DS was at an age where making parent friends also helped significantly- but it does take time.

Yes, i think the fact I don't have any gainful employment, and that I'm temporarily living in the city centre and not part of a more "local" community is part of the problem. Hoping that this changes soon ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
Notascouser1990 · 04/10/2025 15:35

Friendlygingercat · 04/10/2025 15:03

I came to Manchester (from Liverpool) many years ago to go to uni. I tried to form friendships several times at uni but was knocked back for reasons I could not put my finger on. Now I realise that younger students dont want to socialise with someone the same age as their mum. Why should they? It took several years and then I made friends with a neighbour and through him I made more friends, We are no longer neighbours (I moved to another part of the city) but we see each other regularly.

Can your support worker suggest some places where you might make contacts. What about volunteering for a few hours a week. You may not make friends at once but it will fill up the time and give you a feeling of doing something worthwhile.

Strangely enough I went to uni in Manchester and lived there for a few years. I had friends there, but only because I met a new friend in a certain city centre pub and he introduced me to his "arty" mates. I also made good friends there through volunteering. However I'd never go back to MCR- there's this weird underlying feeling of both snobbiness and edginess and it's gotten more and more like London over the years 🫤

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread