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Come and tell me off for stressing on DC's behalf!

8 replies

MNJudge · 03/10/2025 07:46

Come and give me a good talking to if you would?

My DC is 15. School asked yesterday if they would perform something today to be recorded for the occasional online newsletter which features a different student's skill/talent each time. "Yeah of course".

Now, I admire the confidence and talent and general very laid back nature which I clearly don't share. But they don't have the new performance piece "ready", and have had almost no time to try and polish it up due to being at classes all evening last night. I suggested they skip classes or come home early, but no "chill, it's fine". My suggestion that polishing up the previous piece might be quicker and a "safer" option has been brushed off. Until half an hour before they need to leave for school... and they are now alternating between the two pieces struggling a bit with both and finally getting very stressed about it.

It is not really a big deal, I just can't help thinking it's a shame they get a chance to "show off" the thing they have put so much effort in to but actually they are almost certain not to do that to it's potential and will fluff quite a lot of it. And I'm annoyed the school gave such little notice. I'm also annoyed they agreed and were so blase about it until starting to throw around stress at the very last minute.

I am genuinely proud and am being supportive and encouraging, but I'm really thinking a lot of things along the lines of "I told you so!" too. So, can you help me to nail the role of chilled out supporter? And to stop caring so much and stressing as if this is my performance and I'm in some kind of classic anxiety dream?!

Sort me out MN?! 😆

OP posts:
soupmaker · 03/10/2025 07:53

No one, and I really mean no one is going to care at all about this in the grand scheme of things. This is a valuable life lesson for your DC. Less chill, more preparation next time.

Kerrisk · 03/10/2025 07:53

Does it matter, ultimately? Worst case scenario is that s/he records something mildly substandard and recognises the need to put more time into preparing in future.

LoftyRobin · 03/10/2025 07:55

I think stop trying to live vicariously through your children. There's nothing worse than a parent who actively wants their child to "show off".

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Jellycatspyjamas · 03/10/2025 07:57

Whatever they do will be great, it doesn’t need to be polished or perfect - it sounds like they were low key about it until you started suggesting they do a different piece, come home to practice etc. I’d just be very upbeat, very encouraging and very proud they were confident enough to agree to do it.

If it won’t matter in a years time, it’s not worth stressing about.

MNJudge · 03/10/2025 07:57

Thanks both. Indeed, it does not matter. I know this logically... Hard to remember with a frantic stressed teenager still in the house (this bit will soon be solved I suppose! 😆). I'm not actually sure I've ever watched any of these performances all the way through either so it's not exactly high stakes no one will think on it past tomorrow. I just can't help wanting them to do well so I can bask in a bit of reflected glory and more importantly have a nice happy child this evening..!

OP posts:
MNJudge · 03/10/2025 08:00

That is also a good point, thanks @Jellycatspyjamas .

OP posts:
MNJudge · 03/10/2025 08:03

LoftyRobin · 03/10/2025 07:55

I think stop trying to live vicariously through your children. There's nothing worse than a parent who actively wants their child to "show off".

I do agree.
I'll point out that this situation is absolutely not of my doing though!

OP posts:
MNJudge · 03/10/2025 17:12

Just a little update - it went "great" apparently, and it's all happy and chilled here now, phew! I haven't seen the video yet, but I don't need to to know that I'm very pleased they are pleased and proud that they had the confidence to do it at all 😊

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