How do I get out of this rut?

[Northerndoglover]

First time posting a new thread so please be gentle… 😬🙂.

Am 44 and currently sitting having all these awful thoughts about myself. My period is way overdue (definitely not pregnant!) which is probably contributing to my current emotional state. I have recently gone back to work (a PT cleaning job) after having had a few years off (I was volunteering in that time) due to ill health. I used to teach but a chronic migraine condition put that to bed after a particularly bad bout of migraines ended in a period of poor mental health. I used to be super fit ( marathons etc) but that was tied up in ED behaviour so once I got better I slowly got my fitness back in a more sensible way.

Cut to today, I feel like I have completely lost my identity. I’m loving cleaning (it’s so active) but obviously it means I wear a uniform for work and I’m grasping around on vinted for clothes to wear during other times. I bloat and get hot (thanks perimenopause) all the time so I just wear comfy stuff. My beautiful Boden/jigsaw work clothes got sold ages ago and I miss looking good. I want to look stylish (but need to be comfortable). I also am so sad at my face, one side has dropped (due to the migraine- it’s fine, the neurologist okayed it) but I look so much older than 44. As someone who has always been healthy and exercised, I’m not looking it. I want to get back running long distance but I’m tired, because I’m embarrassed by my bloating, I’m restricting my food during the day but then I eat more at night because I’m so hungry from cleaning. I then try to cheer my self up by scrolling on vinted, which isn’t helping my sleep and health in general

I’m just stuck in a loop. Any ideas how to get my head back on track.

I’ve just had seedy porridge btw!

Please try not to be harsh on yourself, it sounds like you've been through a lot. Some practical suggestions:
Control pants - really help in my experience
Eating small amounts throughout the day for energy and mood. Also eating late at night may not be good for digestion, and may be worsening the bloat.
Drinking lots of water (you're probably already doing this!)
HRT?
Getting your iron and thyroid function checked - both impact mood and energy, I'm supplementing iron due to having a ferritin level the NHS finds acceptable but is way below acceptable.
Personal stylist appointment? Never done this myself but I've heard good things.

I'm similar age and know the whole peri/migraine situation well. The face dropping worries me though - did your GP send you for a scan to check it?

I assume you've had bloods to check for anaemia and thyroid issues too?

Other than the medical side, diet is important but often hard with the hormonal disruption. I like overnight porridge oats for a filling easy option that makes me feel a bit organised. Couscous another super quick carby substitute base for dinner - I bulk freeze chilli or bolognese or use tinned fish on top and chuck in any veg that looks like it might start walking.

Doing exercise also helps feel productive and gives you time for listening to a book or podcast that can spark ideas and interests. I have a dog and without her I do feel I could become a huge hermit. I have no libido (just started HRT and frankly terrified I might get it back and begin thinking a man would be a good idea again!). I also struggle with finding things interesting but again I am told HRT will help with this in time.

Hope some of that is helpful anyway! Sorry for the ramble.

Thank you! I don’t drink any where near enough water, I’m a coffee fiend so I know that I need to work on that. I’ve had 4 cups already (and no water) so that’s enough for today. Water for me now I think.

My periods, when they do come, are really heavy so I’ve been taking the liquid iron thing for a month. I absolutely hate going to the dr so if I carry on feeling tired, I think I’ll go and get my levels checked.

I hadn’t even thought of what eating late would do to my digestion. It’s been a part of me for so long (damn disordered eating). I think that habit will be a hard one to break, but as you say, the benefit will pay off.

Thanks for all your advice. The stylist is definitely one to think about but I couldn’t bear being in front of someone atm feeling as I do. My partner has just texted to see if we wanted to go out for a drink/meal tomorrow to cheer me up and my first thought was only if I could wear stretchy joggers!😂

You write very well, and have very clear insight into your situation. Could writing based tools help? A journal, a life plan? I have a book somewhere about getting to know yourself better that you fill in.

I wonder have you considered being a tutor so you could visit children as it seems a shame to dismiss teaching. Nowadays there is a lot of info on clothing styles on the net but I would think a session with an image consultant could be useful. It sounds like you have a very caring partner so that is wonderful. I wish you all the best.

Thank you for all your responses, they are so kind and have given me a lot to think about. I definitely miss teaching and still consider myself a teacher even though it has been 5 years since I stood in front of a class. My partner thinks being a tutor is a possibility, it’s just having the confidence.

First step dealing with the water and tiredness. Then I’ll take it from there.

Thanks again! I understand now why my mum was such a grump to me when I was a teenager, hitting the mid 40s is brutal.