ADHD meds- so they stop you butting in?

[goplacidly]

I think I have ADHD. I am not diagnose but wonder if I should get diagnosed and get medicated. DH says my behaviours are rude. I don’t think before I say things sometimes. I also get distracted so easily and he says he is sick of me being basically rude and dismissive of him by losing track and forgetting.

by the way my school reports would support an ADHD diagnosis. I accepted about 10 years ago I likely have it. But did not see the point of getting diagnosed if I wasn’t going to be medicated. But now I wonder if I should. I don’t mean to be rude but I can see how it comes across that way

I think those behaviours will only reduce if you use tools to stop you from doing it. If your partner is aware that you want to try, you could do something like wait 3-5 seconds after someone has stopped speaking to reply.

Ive seen others say the reason they find this hard is because they believe (based on experience) that they will forget what they wanted to say. There will be times you will but if you assure yourself that it probably wasn't that important and it is good that the other perosn got to fully express themselves, then it might be easier to cope with the times you do.

Yes the right medication can reduce or stop butting in. If your partner has commented then others in your life will have noticed but not be saying anything. The interrupting is the impulsivity part of ADHD

It is also worth looking at Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for ADHD.

DD was diagnosed at 17, we knew she had it long ago but a series of bad events meant she didn't get her diagnosis until then.

But she was in therapy from 15 onwards and they worked on her realising triggers for this kind of behaviour, forgetfullness and how to work with it to come up with solutions, tricks and behaviour management.

She doens't need medication and is now at uni, has a system in place to be on time, keeps track on deadlines and appointments and works hard to understand how her behaviour is seen by others.

We paid mainly privately for it though. Best money invested.

How does your partner behave towards you?

I do the interrupting thing too but don't have ADHD. I think with me it is anxiety and also maybe the meds I am on (fluoxetine) maybe a kind of impatience?

I'm working on changing it as it is annoying for others.

What you're describing - impulsive speech and working memory issues affecting your closest relationship - is a really valid reason to consider pursuing diagnosis and exploring medication.

The impact you're describing:
Blurting things out without thinking and forgetting conversations aren't character flaws or rudeness - they're core ADHD symptoms (impulsivity and working memory deficits). But I can hear that even though you know this isn't intentional, it's affecting your relationship, and that matters.

Why medication might help:
Stimulant medication often helps specifically with:

• That pause between thought and speech (reducing impulsivity)
• Working memory (actually retaining what your DH is saying)
• Sustained attention in conversations
• Following through on things you've said you'll do

Many people find their relationships significantly improve on medication because they can actually be present in ways they couldn't before, even with the best intentions.

Is it worth it?
If your ADHD traits are causing genuine distress in your marriage and daily life, then yes - diagnosis and medication could be worth exploring. You've lived with strategies for years, but if those strategies aren't enough to prevent relationship strain, medication might be the missing piece.

Practical steps:

1. Consider private assessment (£500-£1200, 4-12 weeks) if you want to move quickly
2. Be honest in the assessment about the interpersonal impact - this demonstrates functional impairment
3. Your school reports supporting ADHD are gold - bring those to the assessment

One important point: It's worth having an honest conversation with your DH about this. Explain that you're taking his concerns seriously and actively pursuing support - that in itself may help him understand these aren't deliberate behaviours. However, a diagnosis doesn't excuse impact - it just explains it and opens doors to solutions.

Would exploring diagnosis feel like a positive step forward for you both?

Could you tell us where you got this help from? I might need something similar for my son.

We used a private therapy practice who specialised in children and teens with ND for the CBT ones.

The sessions were around £100 each plus some extra ones when we had termly family one/parent only as they do the weekly session just with the teen (younger children may be different).

First we had a different therapist, again, she did a lot of work with children/teens and we were referred to her when DD was diagnosed with self-harm, anxiety and panic disorder. These sessions were covered by our private health insurance but the therapist said she normally wouldn't cover the kind of therapy needed to prepare an ND teen for independent life and referred us on after 15 months when DD had her anxiety more under control.

I would ask locally for recommendation and check that the therapist is one who does cover ND. When DD finished her last therapy and is now at uni, we asked what we need to look out for if she would require it again and her therapist stressed the importance of a practitioner who is experienced with ND as the approches are different.

Thanks to those who responded. I didn’t mean to forget and leave the thread. I checked back for the first 24hrs or so and then assumed my query had gone to the place where unanswered questions go to die. I am going to look into a diagnosis as if really has impacted life and my marriage sadly

Would having an ADHD diagnosis make your behaviour less annoying? Would you try to correct it or say ‘I can’t help it I have ADHD’.

We often make great allowances, quite rightly, for conditions in school. Unfortunately this doesn’t translate in the real world. If you continuously miss deadlines at work, miss flights, lose friends because you are hours late to meet…. They have very real consequences. Can you see someone to help develop strategies to listen and respond? Create systems to cope?

I've only trialled the 2 stimulant medications type and they can make your mind quieter and more able to focus so many find it easier to not interrupt or go off on a tangent instead of listening.

I'm combined type but I mainly only interrupted with people I'm close to while masking less, for most I'd seem quiet while working really hard trying to keep track of the conversation or cover up when I'd lost it. Annoyingly ADHD meds make me more chatty and therefore still likely to interrupt but I'm probably also Autistic, the sensory side also went up a notch too.

I think there is probably a bit of adjustment needed on both sides here, with DH understanding it's likely a part of ADHD i.e a disability rather than you aren't trying and don't care. With that awareness could look at changing conversation style or the timings so that your less likely to fall into trap of interrupting I.e if he comes home and wants to tell you about his day straight away, while not appreciating you might be in the midst of dysregulation with struggle of switching tasks, excitement to see them and then holding back your own news for your turn. When you could opt to set 15m aside later to talk once your both settled and ready to discus.

Many adhders struggle to filter in noiser/busy environments too so having conversations where there less going on to distract will help. I think the DH probably need to accept this is who you are to a degree to brush off the lighter things while you both make better efforts to communicate the more important stuff.
May find some helpful tips on ADHD relationship coach Melissa Orlov

ADHD Awareness Expo talks on various topics by mainly ADHD coaches but get other professionals, available to watch for free during October.

ADHD UK has info on seeking diagnosis with right to choose pathway ( England only) info and hosts regular ADHD online events.

in my experience adhd (two adults with add) meds only last 6-8 hours, once they wear off all three family members describe the feeling of "hitting the wall" all three family members are worse from 4pm to bedtime if they take the meds at 0800.
the young one really needs to bounce/shout and release energy and the two adults zone out and retreat to dark solitude.
so get a diagnosis if you want but the medications at this point (where you have learned many coping skills) might not be the magic bullet you expect.
and often by the end of the day the medications lead to insomnia.
if your dh is working from 9-5 by the time he sees you the meds would be worn off. only noticeable weekend days.
is it possible he's simply an unpleasant git?

Really helpful, thank you so much for all your insights. I’m going to look at those links.

I think the PPs who suggest it might not be a magic bullet may be right but I feel like I maybe need to try something. Although maybe our relationship has just run its course. I generally feel a bit anxious around DH now as I have got it wrong so many times.

He get triggered by it but I seem not to be able to stop forgetting stuff by getting distracted. I even did it to DS yesterday who sent me 3 messages in one on the group chat. I reacted to the last but did not congratulate him on the news he shared in the first. DH had to message me privately to remind me to do it but I don’t read his message as a gentle nudge- more ‘now she’s doing it to the kids as well’.

I’m concerned about the insomnia thing as I sleep badly at the best of times. I’m quite anxious so it keeps me awake a lot, even if I manage to get to sleep ok it always wake up. I am on sertraline though

To be honest, your DH sounds like an absolute arse! I bet he constantly reminds you that you’re ‘rude’, ‘forget things’, ‘mental’… it’s classic controlling behaviour. Man treats woman like shit then blames woman for not being perfect.