It's been a dreadful dreadful dreadful dreadful summer for me......I need to get some advice please

[Roseinatub]

I had so much this summer and so much demands and commitments and it came at me from every angle. There was work stuff and then there was family stuff too.

From the first weekend of July I can cound on one hand the amount of days that I had off. That was my work. Nearly every second weekend being called upon on top of Monday to Friday work and live in duties too. Then work had me studying too. It was honestly too much.

Then I had family commitments. I had family home from abroad all summer and any time I was free from work and studying I was spending time with my family or babysitting.

It's been months since I had a day to myself.
MONTHS.

My family are gone now and I really need a day to myself. Just to sit down in front of a meal out and eat it in peace. Have a drink in peace.

Work is trying to catch me for this weekend.

Then the following weekend I have to go to a function.

The idea of waiting until approx the 20th of October to get a day to myself doesn't appeal to me. There will likely be some other assh0le trying to get me to work or babysit. Why do I have to wait months to get any time to myself.

I really cannot cope any more without a day to myself. It really is that simple. You would swear I am married with at least 10 little babies with this kind of demands but I am not. I don't have any of that.

I can't cope any more.

In fact the only time off I got last year from my work was when I got ill from covid and needed a week off. Again this year. I got a week off when I was sick with covid.

I can't cope any more.

Tell everyone that you're busy with the other person/work.

Sorry, work – family duties.

Sorry family – go to work.

Rinse and repeat at least once every couple of weeks.

Simples.

Carers jobs are notoriously short staffed and demanding , which is why they have trouble recruiting and retaining .

I remember you.

you posted about a legal issue, saying that you had done something that had legal consequences and were being harassed for it, but would not elaborate on what you had done.

The reason I remember you is that the post was the same as this one - going on and on and on about how busy you are and that’s why you made the mistake.

I don’t know what you want people to say.

I mean, you can just say no to the "assholes" asking you to babysit or work overtime. But you sound like you enjoy being a bit of a martyr...

Well, she’s choosing the longer term discomfort of being overtired and exploited over the shorter term discomfort of saying no.

OP, as I seem to say a lot on these threads, the only behaviour you can control here is your own. Move to jobs to something where there is no overtime or weekend shifts. Practice saying no to unwanted social outings or babysitting. Prioritise self-care. And recognise that, for whatever reason, you chose this.

The baby sitting stops now.
You are studying or you are working.

Are you having trouble saying no because - either

1. the people asking know your schedule inside out?
2. or you feel obliged to say yes immediately and then regret it.

You are allowed to say.. I don't know I will check and let you know and then just text them to say I'm sorry I am not available to babysit that day.

If you do get dragooned, you can always text just after and say... "Sorry I didn't realise that I have already committed that evening so I'm sorry I can't do it afterall." Let them explode. If you say no what can they do? They can't stand over you insisting. If this is relatives, all they can do is make you feel guilty. They are the ones who should feel guilty for exploiting you... if they can't accept a polite no once in a while.. they don't deserve your help.

Are you being paid overtime? or for the babysitting. If not start asking for payment. They will soon stop asking for so much of your time.

I think you need to find some assertiveness books or classes or even just You Tube tutorials to help you with this. Or maybe people on the this thread could suggest some.

Do you work in care? If so, you need a separate work phone and turn it off when you are off duty. They can't force you in but the more you agree to pick up work when you're off shift, the more they will hound you

As with the previous threads and nailed in the first post, you need to say no.

Can you babysit? No

Can you do overtime? No, I'm busy.

OP not been back?

No. Has started several threads, never responds 🙄

Why do I have to wait months to get any time to myself.

You don't. When people ask you to do things you say no.

I had a hectic summer last year when about 5 different family members came to visit in the month of June, which is also the craziest month for DH's job, the kids' schools seemed to have events every 5 minutes and my work was busy too. After that month we made a blanket rule - no more visitors in June.

We then had an email in April this year from a family member asking to come stay in June and I responded that I would love to see them for lunch or dinner, but we were unfortunately not able to have any house guests this June. No explanation or excuses - just "sorry, not possible". And they were fine with it!

You live alone and no dependents?

This should be a sacking offence.

I feel the same , I care for my elderly mum whom I love very much but wears me out with her demands and lack of any help . I walked out of her home today as I realised I needed space for my own mental health .

Why do I always fall for these ones. Grr.

The amount of rant and run threads on mn has never been higher. I’ve started checking whether the op has been back before I answer now. It’s an epidemic. I wonder if they are bots / AI now as well as the usual amount of trolls / wind up merchants.

Thread in Site Stuff about it. MNHQ doesn’t really care because they are often goady, click-baity, good for engagement and mostly harmless. It makes the site worse but <shrug>

What is your job and what does your contract say? You need to start there.

Ugh I missed that thread @MrsTerryPratchett but you’re right, mn is worse for these type of threads.

I thought this was the same poster too.
As if it is really so hard to say no 'employer' I can't work an extra 15 hours this week!
On the plus side OP must be minted with all of the OT she is getting and no time to spend any of it.....

You need a duvet day. Ring in with a migraine.

Oh, poor you.

My husband has been suicidal since February and my eldest son is struggling with his mental health. Neither are receiving support from medics despite asking for it. Oh and husband is also being made redundant in a few months putting us into poverty.

But you continue to be sad about babysitting and socialising commitments you can say no to.