In -laws feel entitled to name my children

[BritishDesiGirl]

Good morning

I have always had a strained relationship with my mother in law. Before my first DD was born she assumed that she and FIL would name the baby. This wasn't discussed with me but conveyed to my husband.

I refused, and said l didn't want them to and we would name the baby ourselves.

Cue baby 2, after giving birth shortly, at the hospital MIL told my mum that we hadn't mentioned them naming the baby and they hadn't said anything .

They suggested two names one of which we liked and choose.

Now, here we are again baby 3. I am bracing myself for the same conversation. My husband doesn't see the problem with his parents naming my child.

I want to name them myself, l'm of having to justify why.

How do l approach it this time.

They had their choice naming their own children , it’s your turn now.

I would choose something entirely different to what they suggest just to make a point . It’s totally unfair of them and a bit controlling , it’s your baby not theirs .

Are these family names? Or like like the Greeks that name after grandparents traditionally. It is just say a no anyway, who cares what they want. They can’t force you

Well it’s ok for them to suggest things that they think are nice but they don’t actually get to choose. Is this a cultural clash?

Jesus, just name your own child. No need for a discussion.

I'm sorry but your husband has no backbone.

I imagine his parents have been able to run roughshod over all aspects of his life and he is either too scared to speak up, or doesn't respect you enough to.

If my in-laws felt entitled to name my child, they'd be getting told, in not so kind words, to do one.

Everyone suggests baby names to expectant parents! Ignore as you please. Do you have names you like or are you waiting for inspiration to strike upon delivery?

Good grief: my in-laws told me of names that were “family names” - and I immediately crossed them off my list. (One of them was my FIL’s name - as I’d never got on with him, I certainly wasn’t going to lumber my son with his name!) It’s your child and your choice of name - and whatever you call your DC, the in-laws will come around because they will love their DGC. My stepdaughter has called her DC a name that I would never have chosen - but it’s not my child, and she has every right to call her gorgeous baby whatever suits her and the baby’s father.

Just dont say anything, “oh we are waiting for them to be born to see what name suits them.” And then say nothing and just announce whatever name you pick when they are born.

My in laws hated my eldest child’s name. They asked on numerous occasions if we were sure of the name and how it sounded like a name of the opposite sex. When a conversation directly with my husband didn’t work it resulted in I’m going to call the baby X to which I was very clear and said no you will not as that’s not their name.

It’s your baby name them what you and your husband like. As someone else has mentioned they had their turn.

My own mum tried to do this and even told me she was going to call her z different name. That was responded by a firm eerrr no!
why do they think it’s their choice? Is it a cultural thing? They got their way with baby 2, tell them no. It’s very controlling and not their job

DH and I picked our DC1’s name and then MIL suggested it too, we let her think she picked his name but in reality she just hit on what we’d decided anyway. Made it easy to veto anything she suggested for the next one, ‘you’ve have your choice’, said with a smile. Can you use that as they ‘picked’ dc2’s name?

Actually that’s unfair to my MIL, she never expected us to pick what she’d suggested, she just threw out names, like most people do.

It is cultural, we clash on so many things . This is just another thing which they feel they have a right to. For context, l am British Asian, husband is from Pakistan.

I’m asian too, there is absolutely no reason for them to think they can name your children. I don’t think I’ e come across this before. Just say “oh thanks, lovely name but we are going with eggbert instead, we love it”. Just smile, smile and smile through it and say “no thank you!”. I feel for you, they sound awful.

To me, this depends how much you want to push back on the cultural element. Personally, I would be picking out a list of names I like and choosing from it myself. But, if you want to meet in the middle, you could ask if they like any of the names on the list. And then you can take it or leave it. I certainly wouldn't be allowing them free rein to pick any name they want.

what the f* ITS YOUR CHILD that's how you approach it, to save peace you could say everyone is welcome to suggest names they like but ultimately as you are the babies parents the decision will stop with you. I've never heard such a entitled attitude from grandparents and no wonder you have issues with mil sound like there are no boundaries

If you want to keep everyone happy you could say "No, we're going to choose the name, but we'd love for you to pick a middle name". You can have multiple middle names, so if it's terrible bury it down as middle name number four or something.

Did her MIL name her children?

Ridiculous of them. How dare they! Your child, your decision . I could tell that my ILS didn't like the name of one of our dc but I didn't care. I was prepared to tell them that I wasn't fussed on their dcs names either!