Struggle to make meaningful friendships

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Just need to have a bit of a vent really.

I’m feeling incredibly lonely even though I’m not really alone. I’m 40, married with 2 kids but my world feels very small.

My oldest friends who I consider close, live a long distance from me and they are dotted over the country, we chat regularly but meet up in person rarely (everyone is busy, logistically difficult etc)

There is no one local who I’ve really bonded with to have what I’d consider a meaningful friendship.

There’s a few mums at the school gate who I speak to but none have developed into friendships. I’ve held numerous play dates for my kids over the years but they rarely get reciprocated so it’s difficult to get conversations going with the parents that way.

I’ve asked a few mums from school over for coffee but it’s not really resulted in anything and then they’ve either cancelled or say they’ll sort out something and then never hear back.

I’ve tried including myself in conversations (without bulldozing my way in) but then the subject turns to things they did as a group or when they had so and so over etc so I then feel quite excluded.

I guess there must be something about me that people just don’t like?

Writing this down actually feels embarrassing really, I didn’t expect to feel like this at this age!

Hi OP, I can relate to what you have said and I'm sorry that you're feeling sad.
It's really hard to make friends when you have DC's at school and if you go out to work it's even harder:downright impossible if you wfm.
As I read MN I shudder to think what it's like being a newbie at the school gate when there are others who have known one another since day one.
I' be got the impression that it's rare to find another mum who will give more of themselves than the passing nod.
It sounds like you've done everything that you could have done, inviting classmates over for a playdate for instance.
You have my sympathy.
From what I've read you've done everything right maybe some other posters can enlighten you if you haven't?
I hope you feel better after a bit of a rant, it's very difficult to insert yourself into a group when the group has already formed a tight circle.
Hopefully others will be able to advise, while not sticking up for the mums being too busy with their own families, too mean really to accept a newcomer and their DC.

You have my sympathy. Do you have time for any social hobbies like choir, team sports, church, meet up groups. Not saying it will necessarily be any easier.

I think it’s more common than you think. It’s harder to make friends as an adult because people often have an established group of friends already or they spend most of their free time with family. My closest friends are the ones I grew up with (school, uni and my first job) probably because we shared life experiences together and saw each other everyday. Many have moved away though now so I don’t see them as much.

I know people that have made great friends through Meetup groups. I think they can work because everyone there are looking to make friendships which isn’t always the case with school mums.