Ex’s new partner doesn’t want me to be in any photos

[Thingyfanding1]

Bit of background: I left my ex after emotional, physical and financial abuse - he walked out on us many times and kept coming back and eventually, I said enough is enough. I am the main carer and do literally everything for them (school runs, hospital appointments, sick days, holidays, school events etc. all life admin). He sees them two evenings a week and a few days here and there in the holidays.
We’ve always tried to keep things fairly friendly for the kids. We used to do birthdays together and he’d come over at Christmas so the kids could have both parents there. Since his new girlfriend came on the scene, I’ve been told this will no longer happen - the children will do alternate Christmases with each parent instead - not that this will be happening as his accommodation is completely unsuitable (1 bed flat on heavily polluted busy road) and he does not even have a bed for them and has never made any effort to improve his situation for the children.
He's just spent the week away with his girlfriend and I've said nothing despite me never getting any significant amount of time away. The children and I had a lovely day today so I photo dumped some pictures to him and my mum at the same time. Amongst about 13 photos, there was one with me and the kids, and another one the kids had taken of me holding an old oil lamp at a museum (not a glamorous photo). I got a message straight back from him saying:
'Do not send photos of yourself again as it causes a lot of upset to GF'
For context - I have a partner too, and he goes on holiday with his ex and the kids. I personally don't have any issues with it - I fully trust him and understand why they do it. Most of the time, he's calling me a bit fed up tbh, but he does it because his children are used to family holidays and it makes them happy. Perhaps i'm in the minority here but I don't really get jealous of exes and never have.
I feel a bit taken aback. I send these photos for the children - they often ask to send this to daddy etc, not to get at him or her. Should I be worried about this level of jealousy from his partner? Is it unreasonable to say I shouldn’t appear in the photos occasionally? I'm a little confused as I have never had this problem and perhaps I am the one that is unusual about being cool with everything.

@FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease He was abusive and treated us like crap. It was me who made the ultimate decision to walk away. I have someone so much better in every aspect and I have no reason to make him want me - I could have had him - believe me! He’s no prize.
I was pleased he had met someone as it took the heat off me, but I also feel sorry for any woman that that he is with as he has the potential to be very abusive.
I’m also concerned about the dynamic of their relationship now as my children have to be around them.
I won’t send photos of myself anymore to him as I don’t want to antagonise the situation but I also don’t have the energy to edit moments for her benefit. I’ll just not send anything as he doesn’t actually deserve it anyway. If he wanted to be part of their lives, he would make more effort than below the bare minimum.

I should highlight this to him

This is the only thing you want to hear...

Sending a picture of your kids that you happen to be in is one thing (and still deliberate odd if it's taken for the purpose of sending to an ex when you know perfectly well you could have easily taken one without) but sending a picture of just yourself, without your children in it at all is entirely for your own purpose.

Leave his girlfriend alone. You say everyone has moved on, but you clearly have an issue since she came on the scene and you no longer get to do things the way you want. Orchestrating a reaction and pretending you had no idea what you were doing isn't fooling anyone. If she's setting boundaries, it doesn't make her insecure, it's just letting you know from the start that she's not up for this nonsense.

Declaring she's jealous or has issues might suit your ego/narrative. Sounds like she's simply got your number.

So you woke up and thought ‘I know! I’ll go and spread some hate on the internet!’
I wish you nothing but peace and love. Have a beautiful day.

Interesting response.

Indeed, a somewhat perfect demonstration of how you react when called out.

Leave your ex and his girlfriend alone, eh.

She might not mind or have any idea that he has told you not to send pictures of yourself. Given how abusive he is, it could be some kind of manipulative control to try to imply to you that he is desirable and women fight over him.

Regardless, given what he is like, separate celebrations sounds much more sensible and I would refrain from sending any further pictures to him or having any unnecessary contact at all.

Then just don't send him pictures with you in it but I'd ask him to not send pictures of himself too. Fair enough him setting a boundary but it goes both ways no double standards.

@FuzzyWolf Absolutely - it could well be more manipulation on his part. It’s sad to let go of doing special occasions together because the children enjoy them so much and they’ll be sad that they can’t happen anymore, but I agree that it’s probably time. I had hoped that we could always swallow any ill feeling for the children so they can see their parents getting along and at least set a good example to them but it was probably expecting too much.

Yes all of this,

Your ex will be getting lots and lots of sex from the new girlfriend this is what is driving this just ignore them,

Although spending time apart might be better for everyone if he doesn't have room for them at Christmas then they can' t go you shouldn't have to facilitate for his inadequacy.