So bloody miserable at home after a peaceful relaxing holiday

[ILoveLukeAlderton]

I’ve just come back from a week away staying in the UK in a quiet top floor flat by the sea. It was absolute bliss and I felt so relaxed - to be able to sit and read in total silence and sleep without being disturbed just did me so much good.

The minute I get home though all my stress returns. I live in an old mid-terrace which I naively assumed had solid walls and good insulation and it seems to work for the neighbours on one side who I barely hear but the others are absolutely awful. They disturb me constantly particularly with noise late at night and smoking weed. I am on edge the whole time and dread coming home to see their car outside. I have to sleep with earplugs or play Alexa the whole time and it’s starting to really affect me not being able to relax in my own home.

I have mentioned it but they are not very approachable and it’s not practical or affordable for me to move. I don’t see why I should be forced out of my lovely home anyway but what the hell can I do?

Do you live alone?

Oh i totally sympathise OP . That must be hell.
Have you complained to anyone about the noise? If it's late at night it is antisocial behaviour and could constitute a statutory nuisance. Your local council have powers to deal with noise nuisance.

@Emiliachonk yes I do.

And wfh?

If you’re going to stay there then can you install insulation? It’s much cheaper than moving. Block up all the holes that led the weed smell in.

Yes I wfh a couple of days a week.

I try and tell myself it’s just normal neighbour noise but they’re banging around and shouting now at 8.20 on a Sunday morning - I don’t think that’s reasonable and having been away and enjoyed some peace just makes it more noticeable.

My point is… could you move if you don’t need to factor In anyone else and you wfh

Not really - I still need to be near my job for the days I’m there and I don’t want to move away from my daughter or partner. I see what you’re saying but it shouldn’t be on me to move, I’m happy here otherwise.

Have you looked into soundproofing on your internal walls noisy neighbour side?

I think you need to tell us a bit more about what is happening, times and who lives next door. It may be that what is antisocial for you, is pretty ok elsewhere. 8.20am in the morning on a Sunday isn't exactly early. Some people have to get up and go to work then.

In terms of practical steps, I would look at getting a builder (or three) in to quote for sound proofing and any necessary work to stop smells travelling as others have said. Your only options are that or move which you rule out.

You can't change other people, but you can change what you do.

The post holiday blues are horrid, so plan to do something nice for yourself every day this week. And start booking your next trip.

I had a holiday like yours OP. I could not believe how peaceful life could be away from my very noisy flat in the city. When I was on holiday and I went to bed I would open the window wide, look out and hear nothing. Totally mindblowing. I cried when I had to go home.

Got home and tried to get on with things but knew what I was missing. Perhaps it was an age thing and I just wanted more space, light and peace. I don't even think my neighbours were that noisy, I'd just had enough.

I sat down and worked out an escape plan then spent the next 18 months working towards it. I felt better instantly as I knew I was off. I now live somewhere quiet by the sea about 90 minutes from friends and family so I still see them often.

It’s a young girl that lives there with various friends and boyfriends coming and going. Her parent owned it previously and was just the same - very chaotic sort of life. I’ve no issue with that, it’s none of my business unless it invades my privacy, but it does, often.

I try and tell myself it’s just normal noise but I hear so little from the other side neighbours that I really don’t feel like it’s me that’s being unreasonable.

I’m going to look into insulation but it annoys me that I should have to due to someone else’s thoughtlessness.

That's life in a terraced house. End terrace can be a bit better. I don't think 8.20 on a Sunday morn is too unreasonable to be going about daily life.

Have you tried ensuring that most of your furniture is on that side of your house to dampen the noise levels?

I understand why you don’t want to move away from the area, but could you not move to a more suitable property in the area you are in now?

Moving to have a different neighbour could vastly improve your life.

Op could end up somewhere worse though, there's no guarantees, better the devil you know.
I would focus on doing everything you can on your side to dampen the noise that's coming in.

As a temporary measure until you figure out your best strategy, can I suggest over the head cushioned noise cancelling headphones. Buy the best you can afford based on reviews. Add ear plugs if you just want silence and you may be surprised at the difference.

But it isn’t because I don’t get the level of noise from the other neighbours!

I know I need to try and deal with it but how depressing is walking round your own home wearing headphones? Moving would cost me a fortune and no guarantee I wouldn’t end up next to another selfish idiot.

Why is it up to me to change? Weed is illegal and the rest is inconsiderate and unfair.

It’s up to you to change as you are the one who’s mental health and wellbeing is being damaged.

it’s not fair but life is not fair.

I think I’d look to move - a house you feel miserable in is no home.

Yeah they aren't being fair if their noise level is excessive but that's life. Some people don't consider others.
They won't change so therefore the only one who can make changes is you.

I had the same thing about 15 years ago. Mid terrace. One side a very quiet elderly gent. Never heard him. The other side a young family and the parents fought like cats and dogs. They weren't going to change. I had to put up with it. After about 3 years they split up and peace reigned.

Weed, you can report to the police but highly unlikely the police will do anything for a small amount of recreational use.

I’m in an end terrace, in a house with - what seemed like - cardboard walls. I could hear my neighbours going about their day to today life, so nothing terrible, just really intrusive. In the end I split my living room in two and soundproofed the party wall and the new dividing wall. It’s been a game changer.

Any suggestions for this please?

@RichPetuniaAgain could you share what kind of soundproofing you used? Is it something I could DIY or better to use a professional? Thanks

Hi, I got a local joiner who used sound proofing insulation in the gap between the plasterboard and the wall. I didn’t use soundproofing plasterboard, but you can get that too. The biggest reason it was a game changer is because there is now an entire room between myself and my neighbours. I sit in my living room now, happy with the peace and quiet, rather than fretting about being able to hear everything that is going on next door. Also, some noise was able to travel under the floorboards and then come up into my living space, so proper underlay and well sealed flooring was also beneficial. I’m happy to say that my joiner wasn’t too costly. And I watched a lot of you tube videos. I hope you get as good a result as I did as I feel that I got my house back. Good luck.

If you can't sort out professional insulation, in the interim putting bookcases or even hanging a carpet on the wall can really help. (I know a carpet sounds odd, I used to have a nice decorative rug on the wall. It looked good IMO.) But it's surprising the difference even that thin layer can make. You can also get foam thingies to stick on the wall. They work well, but obviously not as visually nice. I think they are intended to stop sound getting out but they seem to work both ways.
If you already have bookcases etc on the walls then