Just realised what a loser I am 🥲

[Intsywintsyspider]

I keep a diary and have for a while.
I was just writing my entry for yesterday and it reads:
“watched some shit TV and cheered myself with wine, chocolate and crisps. It worked

Reading that back today, I felt a wave of sadness about how limited and lonely my life feels right now. I feel so much shame about how I’m not more grateful for everything I have in my life.

I’m doing pretty much everything the world says I should do to be a good, productive person, yet I’m far from fulfilled and just bloody lonely.

Is that what you do everyday? I’m sure you do plenty of other things but even the person with the most exciting life you can imagine will have days when they watch shit TV, have a drink and enjoy some snacks!

That sounds alright! You wanted cheering up and the wine and snacks did just that.

Do you work? Have hobbies? Friends and family close by? You don't need to do lots of really exciting or worthy things every single day.

But if you want a change, why not join a local group where you meet in public? A walking group, book club, quiz team, board game nights? If there isn't much you like the look of you could set up your own?

I’m doing pretty much everything the world says I should do to be a good

Uh okay - but what is that? Sitting on your own and eating and drinking unhealthy crap really isn't that good tbh, but maybe during the day you're searching for a cure for cancer or something really valuable?

But personally, if I was lonely and felt crap, I'd join things, do things, arrange to meet people, not sit on my own watching crap TV and bingeing on junk.

I have a very full and happy life. Two much wanted and loved children, loads of family time with lots of activities, a wonderful boyfriend I have weekend away with every month while my kids are with their dad, self employed in a business I love, I’m in lots of clubs and I’m on committees for things I’m passionate about, I swim a mile every morning, I live next door to family so lots of big dinners and everything. I love my life… want to know why I’m doing right now? I’m watching Netflix, having a can of irn bru and eating flaming hot Cheetos. Because it’s what I want to do right now! Isn’t that great… that we can have a few hours to just sit and have mindless time to ourselves during such busy lives.

I virtually never do this.

i work out 5 days a week, i volunteer occasionally, I’m still working but at 57, I’m now in an admin position in a role that doesn’t fulfil me but that pays the bills.

i go for walks in nature. I garden.

i have friends and family but feel out of sync with them at the moment.

I’m single and not actually looking for a relationship but it would be nice.
im going to a big party tonight where i will feel like the odd one out.

it’s hard to put my finger on it. I’m just feeling sorry for myself and I honestly feel I have no reason to. I have everything on paper that society says you should have.

im just lost

Okay, but you're not complaining that your life is limited and lonely!

I think you’ve just seen that line in your diary and let the pressure of “living your best life” make you think that it was wrong or sad. It isn’t. You had a night in, you enjoyed some wine and TV. You were just winding down. There was nothing sad or loser like about it.

You’re maybe in a bit of a funk, so you’re feeling down and a bit rubbish about everything. But you sound like you do have a full life. It’s ok to be melancholy every so often, find something to bring you out of it though. Maybe take a short holiday somewhere very pretty with a hot tub and a nice restaurant nearby (that would be my weekend sorted!) or an adventure weekend if you’re feeling more energetic. Just something to kick start a better mood and have a change of scenery.

The OP’s life isn’t though. She is just having a moment. We’re all allowed that. But her having a night in front of the TV isn’t what’s causing the problem and it isn’t helpful to make snarky comments are junk food when clearly, the one night with junk food isn’t actually the issue.

Learn to read between the lines.

Sometimes we all have days like this - give yourself a break. But if you are lonely also start to actively do something about it - suggest coffees with work colleagues, chat to people in the coffee shop line, find hobbies where you can meet people, reach out to old friends, etc

Sounds like a lovely Friday night. Lose the ‘should be’ from your outlook.

You’re right. I need to put myself “out there” a bit more. Sigh. It just feels like a bit of a chore sometimes. I just need to pull up my socks and get on with it.

Thank you. You’re right, I need to take the pressure off a bit.

i guess, I imagine that everyone else is having their best life all the time and that’s probably not true. I was just wondering if my post resonated with anyone.

When I was younger I had a crazy busy social life and my friends and their husbands seem to have a wonderful life & those that are single seem to love it, (I also know that comparison is the thief of joy). Not many people, I know, say their lives are missing something.

i feel so much better for just admitting it though (even to a bunch of strangers on the internet 😬)

I think it`s just one of them days op.
We all get them.

This 💯

Op you sound lonely.
What do you want from life?

Widening your social circle sounds like a good place to start.
That can be done through volunteering (charity shop, youth groups), or joining a group (choir, sports group, craft group).

Actually I'd try to do a couple of things.
I know someone much older than you who's managed to build a decent circle of friends between charity shop volunteering and through church.

Choir is a good idea. I tried that a couple of years ago. I might try a new one

Definitely I think widening your social circles then look for friendships beyond that.

There are probably lots of people, ladies really, in a similar boat in their mid to late 50s, looking for company as their families have grown and become independent, if relationships have broken down or ended then they have time on their hands they maybe didn't have a decade or so earlier.

Never read your own journals 😬 is my advice
Put it on the page and move on with your life
Forget optimisation and expectations
Just do the things you need to do and the things you want to do. Yes some of them are worth some effort to achieve.
Basically there's no meaning to life, just what we decide to do with our time. No one thing is any better than the others.
Life pretty much sucks so if you are coping you are winning.

I hear you sister. Life can suck sometimes