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Original poster

Aibu to feel a bit pissed off?

26 replies

Beebumbum · 26/09/2025 18:24

I think I probably am and admittedly I’m not in the best of moods because I’m tired and feeling a bit burnt out at the moment.

DH spent most of the afternoon and whole evening with his family yesterday (his sister has her in laws over who have come from the US so they all gathered at the sisters house). There were quite a few of them, not just the in laws but DH’s other siblings and their partners/kids etc. So that was understandable as it was basically a big family gathering. I politely declined as DC are incredibly tired this week, they’ve had a lot on club wise and I worried that they would have struggled today.

Today he took the day off work, I thought it was just to be home with me and the little one but he went to his mums house where some of them have gathered again (this time just with his mum, sister, her DH and her in laws). He is still there now and probably won’t be home any time soon. I just feel a bit like he has swanned off today leaving me to do everything whilst he sits with his sister’s extended family… aibu? They are only here for a short time but he doesn’t really know them, he met them first at the sisters wedding years ago and second time was yesterday, so I’d rather he be at home tonight with his immediate family being of some help to us?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebumbum · 26/09/2025 18:26

Sorry just to clarify, his sister lives here (not far from us), it’s only her in laws who have come over from the US

OP posts:
AntiBullshit · 26/09/2025 18:28

Instead of wrapping yourself and your kids in cotton work because they may be tired the next day - get out and enjoy life. It’s a family gathering in someone’s home and if that tired the kids could have had a nap there.

His family are visiting and your want him to spend the day with you instead. Go and join the fun

GlastoNinja · 26/09/2025 18:29

Have you been excluded from today’s gathering? If you have then fair do’s about feeling pissed off.

If not, it sounds like a big family event so I’d fully expect DH to attend, I’d go with him though and if I chose not to I don’t think have any reason to be pissed off.

Sodukuchess · 26/09/2025 18:33

AntiBullshit · 26/09/2025 18:28

Instead of wrapping yourself and your kids in cotton work because they may be tired the next day - get out and enjoy life. It’s a family gathering in someone’s home and if that tired the kids could have had a nap there.

His family are visiting and your want him to spend the day with you instead. Go and join the fun

Agree with this. You've segregated yourself and then you're pissed off that he's not spending time with you. You've actually chosen not to spend time with him. I'm guessing he spends a lot less time with this extended family so a couple of days every now and again isn't too much to ask, particularly as you could have gone too.

Original poster
Beebumbum · 26/09/2025 18:36

@AntiBullshit It would have been a nightmare, eldest has had a very long week, it’s a long day for him at the moment and he would have hated it any way (doesn’t like big crowds and doesn’t know the sisters in laws - he would have acted up being so tired). I wasn’t bothered about yesterday any way, it was a big family gathering and I had no problem with DH staying there as long as he wished.

It’s today I have an issue with because it is just his mum there, sister, her husband (all 3 of which we see on a weekly basis) and the sisters in laws. There is no reason for him to go back and spend the day and evening there again when I’m here on my knees! Maybe I am just being a cow and taking it out on him!

OP posts:
Lifebeganat50 · 26/09/2025 18:39

You’ll never get to know them by staying away from them!

ShamrockShenanigans · 26/09/2025 18:40

Beebumbum · 26/09/2025 18:36

@AntiBullshit It would have been a nightmare, eldest has had a very long week, it’s a long day for him at the moment and he would have hated it any way (doesn’t like big crowds and doesn’t know the sisters in laws - he would have acted up being so tired). I wasn’t bothered about yesterday any way, it was a big family gathering and I had no problem with DH staying there as long as he wished.

It’s today I have an issue with because it is just his mum there, sister, her husband (all 3 of which we see on a weekly basis) and the sisters in laws. There is no reason for him to go back and spend the day and evening there again when I’m here on my knees! Maybe I am just being a cow and taking it out on him!

Why are you 'on your knees'?

You could've included yourself and the kids today but again you chose not to.

That's your choice but why are you trying to control his choice?

ComfortFoodCafe · 26/09/2025 18:43

You could of just took the kids round, settled down with his family & let him deal with dc. You missed a trick there. Yabu.

Livingthebestlife · 26/09/2025 18:46

You should have went, you could have come home early with the kids. It's lovely that he's catching up with everyone, it doesn't matter who's travelled or who's from where, having a chat with family is great. He can spend other time with you when they've gone , why are you on your knees ?

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 26/09/2025 18:46

I don't think he's done anything wrong really, you were extended an invite and chose not to go, you can't really expect him not to go either, they visit very infrequently so it's not like it's a monthly, or even an annual thing.

I do get being pissed off when you're knackered and feeling resentful at everything. Hope things get a bit less stressful for you soon 💐

user1471538275 · 26/09/2025 18:49

YABU

You've refused to go, refused to let the kids go and are now sitting complaining that he's not helping you.

It sounds like unless it's exactly what you want and think should happen, then you're not happy.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 26/09/2025 18:50

Seriously you kerb socialising because your dc are tired? They are dc quite a long time. That's a long time home alone. Can't blame dh for going..
Seems you do though.
Yabu.

Itisallastruggle · 26/09/2025 18:52

I think the other messages are quite harsh. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your DH to help with the kids after he was the family yesterday and has had a full day off again today, especially if he’s aware you’re struggling. It’s ok saying you could have taken the kids - but so could he. Why couldn’t he take them round today after they finished work? Dads can do this kind of thing too and you shouldn’t be expected to have to go after a long week, if you didn’t want to. This kind of thing often ends up with the mum’s still spending all night parenting anyway, whilst dads have a drink and have a lovely time.

I don’t think you could expect him to miss it and stay home, especially when certain folk are only over here for a short time. The bit I’d be annoyed about though, is not taking the kids to give you a break or doing anything in the day to help if he was going to spend all evening there too.

I hope he’s a good husband in other ways. If he normally does his fair share then I’d keep quiet but if he often takes time off to just enjoy himself and leaves you to parent, I’d be having words.

ainsleysanob · 26/09/2025 18:53

How many clubs do the children go to that they’re so tired that they can’t socialise with close and extended family?

feathermucker · 26/09/2025 18:54

How are you on your knees?! If he was out every night, I’d understand your feelings………..:is he?

You sound pissed off and tired and grumpy? All of which may be understandable but it seems totally reasonable to see family or extended family.

pictoosh · 26/09/2025 18:59

You think he should stay at home with you because the kids are tired and you don't think they should go out.

Ok. I'd not accept your annoyance over this. Sounds like you want your every nuance catered to.

Yachties · 26/09/2025 19:01

You’ve excluded your children and yourself from a family event. I’m surprised you DH is not annoyed with you !

AngelofIslington · 26/09/2025 19:01

I don’t think he’s done much wrong op.
You were invited but chose not to go.
How are your DC’s so tired, it’s not normal for DC’s to be tired to the point they can’t visit relatives.
Most DC’s love family gatherings so unless you’ve missed out something about them being ND you are actually making them miss out on family too.

DinaofCloud9 · 26/09/2025 19:03

I would have gone too so I don't think he's done anything wrong.

pictoosh · 26/09/2025 19:08

To add: I don't know you at all of course. I just can't see the harm in him spending time with his sister and her family if he wants to.
Kids being tired is neither here nor there. Go, don't go. Don't make it a problem.

Endorewitch · 05/01/2026 19:38

You sound a bit controlling to be honest. Why should t he socialise with his family?You were t excluded. You chose not to go. If your DC didn't want to go or was too tired it doesn't need to parents to be at home to look after said child. But you could have gone for a short time. Kids get tired. But they cope.

newmenewwhatever · 05/01/2026 20:49

This is a you problem!

xxxwd · 05/01/2026 21:45

I take it you have a newborn or toddlers?

Holtome · 17/04/2026 12:28

Edit - sorry that was completely the wrong thread

UniquePinkSwan · 17/04/2026 12:30

You sound very controlling.