Sober curious…

[aperollingintotheweekend]

Has anyone dabbled in this?

my understanding is it’s not about fully quitting booze, but cutting back a fair bit - ie. Not automatically drinking just because it’s a drinking culture. Questioning if it’s right to drink or better to choose not to.

i don’t really like the person I become after a few too many drinks. I don’t have a problem per se, but just act like a bit of a wanker. So I think I’d like to cut back a bit, only drink as a treat and in situations I am comfortable with so it’s not to take the edge off, then I’m more likely to stop after the 2nd drink.

not sure I’m explaining this well as I have an awful cold and am brain fried, but can anyone relate to this?

In my experience if you're asking the question is it right to drink or better to choose not to then the answer is always the latter.

Alcohol is pretty much crap for your body and, as you say, turns some people into wankers.

I cut out alcohol for a while and it made me realise how much nicer life is without it on every level. Perhaps if you give up for a week or two a 'treat drink' will make you feel so grim you won't want to do it again.

A good question to ask is 'Am I the sort of person who will ever stop at two glasses?' and, 'Am I the sort of person who if I have two glasses tonight be happy not to have a drink (or two or more) again tomorrow?'

I the answer to either or both of those is no then you might be better off stopping altogether.

You might like to read about the Sinclair Method? Really useful to limit (but not stop) your drinking if you don't have an 'off' switch, but don't want to go down the AA route. There's more and more written about it, Esther Walker did a great piece in the Times a few months ago which is a good starting point. Good luck!

Definitely good to examine your relationship with alcohol, and as PP also getting it - if you are thinking about it, you could really do with it.

Anyone totally in control, for whom alcohol is not a problem, doesn’t need to do this. They just don’t drink when they don’t fancy it.

Maybe cut it out for a month then see how you feel. After a while away from the drink, you really notice what one drink does. I had an app I’m trying to remember what it was, will link below.

It was this. I found it really useful.

https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/reframe-drink-less-thrive/id1485756576

Oh I can definitely choose not to drink. It’s not like I have a problem with alcohol in that capacity, sometimes I can go months without drinking and in many situations I’m fine just having a drink or two.

For me it’s more like I use it as a bit of a social comfort blanket - ie. When I’m at a larger gathering and feeling a bit socially anxious, I tend to drink to feel more at ease and then overdo it without realising. Then generally I’m a bit hectic at points and also don’t really have much of a filter when I speak. It’s all done to try and take the discomfort of feeling anxious away, not because I feel the need to drink or the inability to stop. I’m also very petite so naturally it doesn’t take a lot of alcohol to feel strong affects.

When I’m with family, close friends and in work situations I don’t really have similar issues as I’m able to either drink less (or not at all) as I don’t feel the need, or be aware of my limits.

its more at these larger intimidating events that it happens. I’m talking like 1-3 times a year max not every weekend. But then I hate myself for weeks afterwards and go over and over things in my head.

im just thinking I’d like to be someone who has a 2 drink limit or can find a way to not need alcohol as a security blanket in these situations and wondering if anyone can relate to that. Especially any tips for just pushing through the initial discomfort!

If you are sober curious (and I hate that term, sounds really wanky 🤣 but that was me for a few years, before I actually got sober), then I’d recommend looking up some sober instagram accounts. Millie Gooch and Sober Girl Society may interest you. There are lots of others, just depending on if you are more 26 and bored of post-uni drinking or 45 and mummy wine culture ish. 😂 There is something for everyone.

Books like This Naked Mind and Alcohol Explained may be interesting.

If your big concern is going to events and not drinking, the best thing you can do is go to these events and not drink. Honestly, you’ll get used to it. Or you’ll realise they aren’t for you. I’m 2.5 years sober now, but was ‘sober curious’ for a couple years before that. I can do all sorts of things sober now that would have horrified me before when I was drinking. It’s totally down to practice. You have to do it, so you learn how and then do it again.

I’m also a big believer in not doing stuff you have to drink to get through. Christmas with your dysfunctional family or some horrible work awards night? If you can’t imagine doing it without alcohol, that might be your cue to say sorry, not for me. You don’t have to do things you have your numb yourself to get through. You can just say no. You can also leave early. I have like a 2 hour threshold on certain things. I’ll go for a bit. When people start getting sloppy and annoying, I just leave. Don’t necessarily even say goodbye. 😂 No one remembers the next day because they were too pissed and I’m home tucked into bed with a nighttime tea by 10pm.

In some ways I cannot relate to your dilemma because I have zero problem with not drinking. I’m not tee total but I don’t drink as a habit - I don’t drink to unwind or relax or because it’s the weekend. I can’t remember the last alcoholic drink I’ve had. This mainly happened from getting pregnant 14 years ago and then breast feeding and being on some diet or other and not wanting to waste the calories. I do remember when I drank and working with a lady who was not a drinker and rolling my eyes internally at her at social events. She was very nice incidentally but she was Christian , a church goer and saving herself for marriage. I think at that stage I associated not drinking with that whole collection of characteristics. That she was not fun - she was a party pooper. What is your thought about non drinkers? I’m lucky that my friends are not that interested in what I drink one way or another so there’s no “ oh go on… just one “ pressure at social events. I think if you’re surrounded by those types of people or hold that opinion of non drinkers as kill joys then it might be tricky to join their ranks. I think it’s easier to be a non drinker now as there are so many more grown up soft drinks to have you don’t need to stand there with a coke or lime and soda.