4 year old frequent wee accidents in Reception.

[TirsamisuPlease]

Hi everyone, I need some advice or some encouragement words because I’m starting to feel a bit down.

So my 4.5y DS ( his birthday is in February) started Reception this year. So far it’s been brilliant, he’s really enjoying it, he’s not tired, his behaviour hasn’t changed, overall very happy except the fact that he has wet accidents at school. He’s been potty trained before he was 3, hasn’t had any accident at all for as long as I can remember, he’s always going himself at home or will always ask if outside but since he started school he’s had 5 accidents to far already. Yesterday even his shirt was changed. 🙁
I know it’s normal, it can happen but it starts to feel excessive now. Every day, every morning I talk with him, remind him, I’m never angry with him, never say anything bad, just asking what happened, why he didn’t go to toilet, why he didn’t ask the teacher.

I hate to say this but I starting to feel embarrassed. The teachers hasn’t said anything but I feel like they judging me for not having potty trained kid or something. I don’t know, probably just in my head but I just really feel like other kids don’t have that many accidents in such a short period of time.

Honestly I think that can be very normal for some children. They'll be so busy in school, and so involved in what they're doing they just don't make it in time. I wouldn't be worrying.

Have you got a sample and tested for an infection as there can be a physical cause sometimes?

That said, it is really normal for children to wet themselves in a new setting. They can be absorbed in what they are doing, or just nervous to go. Lots are scared to ask and lots are scared of the actual toilets and lots cant remeber where they are if they have a free flow type place. They just need to build confidence. Can a ta check in with him at the start of break and lunch to see he goes.

Is he afraid of the toilets there? Are they loud? Not enough privacy?
All three of my boys struggled with the toilets at school at the beginning. The school need to support. My youngest dc, teacher, would send him to the toilet during class, as he found the crush in there at lunch and break too much.

He hasn’t said anything about the toilets. The day before when I asked what happed he said that he was playing outside. And I assure him, talk with him, explain that even if he is outside and needs a toilet you can always ask the teacher. I literally keep repeating myself - ask the teacher, don’t wee in the trousers, ask the teacher.
Its seriously embarrassing to pick him up everyday and dreading that heavy weight feel in his bag because I know what’s in there.
His dad is picking him up today, maybe I will have a chat with teachers on Monday.

Don't be embarrassed. I worked in an infant school for a decade. I helped many a child into dry clothes and ran a stock of spares. Iys routine. It literally didnt register as something to be embarrassed about.

Don't be embarrassed - it will get better. School staff will be used to this - just help them out by providing plenty of spares to save them having to hunt around for extra clothes.

Thank you.

Thank you.
Yes, he always have one extra pair of uniform , including socks and underwear at school all the time.

Has he been doing a poo every day? Constipation can cause bladder accidents because a full bowel presses on the bladder. Have a read of the ERIC website for advice they have info on bladder and bowel issues.

Don’t be embarrassed or worry - it’s extremely common. At that age it can take a wee while for the new “process” of asking to go to the toilet to register and there will be so many distractions that going to the toilet is less of a priority than playing with new friends! If there are no symptoms of infection (going more frequently at home, constipation or painful when weeing), I would just praise him / get a sticker chart for when he has a dry day / has asked to go to the toilet and ignore the accidents for now. As PPs have said, it will get better.