Years of abuse from my husband. He is getting better, but I will never not be in fear of a repeat.
Terrible inlaws - outwardly charming, but inwardly racist, unpleasant, explosive rages and some serious mental illness with SIL (diagnosed) that is not getting treated (I am not intending to insult anyone with mental illness, but the lack of treatment when it is really impacting others is an issue and it should not be used as an excuse for cruelty). SIL lives at home and is deeply manipulative, terrifies DC and is controlling of DH.
I have a DH problem. I can now see where DH's issues probably come from.
Yes I should leave.
Yes I should cut contact.
But if I do leave what could shared custody look like if it did happen. At what age do children have a say?
If I do refuse to see them that means husband could take DC and expose them to SIL who is manipulative, frightening and has endangered them. I do try to minimise visits. When we do see them the situation usually spirals fairly rapidly, so at that point I walk away with DC. If I do it before I have DC raging I am spoiling things and he will take DC without me. I don't think he enjoys it as he hardly sees them.
Hence I keep an awful status quo. I thought if I left I could rebuild. But more likely it would deepen the nightmare and give me less chance to protect DC.