Have I taken a ridiculous risk

[APlayground]

When DP and I got together we talked about STD and testing and decided it was necessary because I'd only had one partner in a 30 year marriage, he'd been single for the previous 5 years and only had 3 partners prior to that.

Now I've learned that he also had 2 one night stands a really long time ago.

At the time I felt that as he hadn't had sex for so long (so would know if he'd contracted anything) and not much before that the risk was low. Now I'm feeling a bit stupid.

Fwiw I absolutely don't think he wants to put me at risk, I think he genuinely believes there's no risk. I believe the sexual history for the long period of time I've known him (we were friends before). No idea about his youth, but he's embarrassed by his lack of experience, so I don't think he'd make it less than it is.

What is normal/usual re testing with a new partner?

For me, I've always had protected sex with a partner until we've both been tested for STDs, shown each other the results and then agreed to stop using condoms. That is the norm with everyone I have been with.. I'm really surprised you've done differently, especially as things such as chlamydia can have no symptoms in men and can leave women infertile!

Time to both go and get tested!

How long have you been together? You say he’s your partner, so I’m assuming it has been a while. I think you’d know by now if either of you had anything.

I don't really know what I'm supposed to call him. I can't have a BF at my age!

We've been together nearly a year.

I think if either of you has ever had a sexual partner then you should get tested.
I didn’t really think about this when I was younger, but when I entered my current relationship I said we should get tested. He was surprised, but happy to do so, although he said I shouldn't have to as I had had 2 very long term relationships. I said that wasn't the point, who knew what the previous history of those partners had been, or even if they'd had other sexual encounters whilst I was with them.

It is very easy to get tested, and throws no aspersions as to the present. Just have a chat about it and suggest you both get tested now.

Get tested. Things like chlamydia may not present symptoms but can massively affect fertility.

I'm 56. If fertility the only issue...

I'm sure I read something about STDs being rampant around this age group.. people who've been in long relationships, got divorced, no longer have to worry about pregnancies etc and so haven't been using condoms.

I don't know the medical risks but I'm sure they're not nice and I definitely wouldn't risk not being tested even now.

This made me lol OP! 😆🤣 I’m not sure of other risks , have a look at nhs website 😁

When my DH and I got together I knew I was in the clear as had previously had a clear STI test and hadn't been with anyone unprotected since. He had not had sex with anyone for a year and had never had sex without a condom. Of course he could have been lying but I chose to trust him. Shortly into the relationship I got pregnant and as I had thrush they tested for other infections and all came back clear as I thought it would. If in future I found myself dating I'd probably be more scrupulous with testing.