Hi,
To give a bit of background, I'm 41 and my dd (only child) will be off to uni this time next year. She has been accepted at her preferred uni and has decided to take a year out. She has mild SN (undiagnosed) and I've been a bit of a helicopter parent over the years.
I will admit that some of this is just down to being a natural worrier, but a lot of it has been circumstantial and I've needed to intervene more than I'd like. Dd doesn't make friends easily and so spends a lot more time with us than most 18 year olds. She's also struggling to find work, so I feel a bit like she's going backwards. She probably only sees a friend or two every couple of months. She's keeping herself busy with crafting, as she's a very creative person, but she spends way too much time in her room.
Sometimes I think she just isn't ready to be thrown into independence, even though that's a year away, but then is that because of who she is or who I am? I suspect it's a bit of both.
I am honestly a bit of a mess every time I think about her leaving. The worry is overwhelming, as is the sadness. I feel too young to have an empty nest. When I see families with little ones, I often have to hold back tears, sometimes unsuccessfully, because if I'm being brutally honest, I am jealous. Plain and simple.
People often tell me I'm lucky to have my life back whilst I'm still relatively young, but I don't feel that way at all. I know I will just feel this awful void. I regret so much not having more children, but dd took up so much of my time and energy, getting her help, dealing with the mammoth tantrums and melt downs etc. It's been very tough getting her here.
I am so proud of how far dd has come. I know she finds a lot of things difficult, that most people probably don't even need to think about and so seeing her complete her A levels and get into her first choice uni really is fantastic. She does try so hard and I know I need to just back off a bit and let her fly or indeed fall, but when your dc has struggled so much to get to this point and you've had to be more involved than most, it's so hard to do that.
It would be great to hear from those who can relate and/or from those who can offer a bit of advice and positivity.
Thank you.