Only two bridesmaids?

[Zubes]

I’ve recently got engaged and we are planning our wedding. I have two close friends, one of which I am her maid of honour to her wedding next year, and the other is a friend I met at work and we have kept the friendship going.

There is a 3rd “friend” I was considering asking to be a bridesmaid, but now I am not sure. We used to have a mutual work friend together, whom we both fell out with for different reasons. I have cut this person off, and she said the same but I have noticed her “liking” this persons posts on Instagram and supporting her business. I find this two faced after all she said to me about this person? It makes me feel like cutting off this person too as I cannot stand two faced-ness! AIBU?

I was also considering asking my SIL to be a bridesmaid, but I wasn’t asked to be one of hers at her wedding. I also wasn’t invited to her hen party & I feel like the only reason I’d be asking her is because I feel like such a loner/loser with no friends if I only have two bridesmaids stood with me :-(

I feel like I am the problem in all of this, I am 29 & only have two real friends.

Given the reason for not selecting the potential third bridesmaid it’s all feeling rather superficial and bridezilla-y

id imagine you’re thinking about this from an Instagram photo perspective rather than reality. I.e. lots of women makes better photos ? I’m guessing you’re after a line of women all in the same dresses Standing at an angle with you in the middle?

Life isn’t like that quite honestly a weddings like that are naff and tacky imo.

Two bridesmaids is plenty for anyone. The only exception I could see was if you had many sisters and wanted them all in the wedding

Thanks for all the replies :)

In my original post, I deliberately left out a ton of detail regarding friend who I cut off and the friend who I wanted to ask as bridesmaid, as I thought it would be too long winded and would put people off reading the post entirely 😴 There were genuine reasons why I cut this person out of my life, after giving numerous goes/talking it out, things did not change and it was causing so much friction, I ended up giving up and left the job too to avoid any more unwanted drama.
I guess I am just a bit disappointed that my other friend has now got back friendly with this person, after saying and experiencing so much. Mostly, I am gutted she has let this person worm her way back in again.

BUT, it’s great to know how many of you only had 1-2 bridesmaids and has made me look at it in a totally different way.

How many bridesmaids you have isn’t a reflection of how many ‘real friends’ you have.

I have some very close friends, but i also only had 2 bridesmaids, who have been my best friends since i was in my late teens. Other friends i had met more recently. Not every friend has to be a bridesmaid.

Why do you need bridesmaids - especially if it's already causing this much angst?

What do you think will happen if you don't have any?

I had no bridesmaids. MIL-to-be said "Oh, but you must".

As MN didn't exist then, I had no idea that I was supposed to just freeze, be taken aback and have no idea how to respond other than to stand there in shock with my mouth hanging open. I actually said "Oh, but I musn't". There were no bridesmaids.

Maybe the third friend has made up with her in the interim or does her likes on autopilot I don’t think she is two faced. Less is better , the more you have the more offended the other friends get. Please don’t just have one thoigh people have done this to me twice and it’s horrible planning the hen do Alone!

After thinking about it more, I realize this feeling comes from worrying that this friend might share details about my current life - what I’m doing, my personal business, etc. with someone I’ve intentionally removed from my life. This makes me hesitant to open up to this friend because I fear that anything I share could eventually get back to the person I no longer want to have access to me, even if it’s done unintentionally. Perhaps that’s conversation I should have with her but I worry it’ll be taken the wrong way.
Hence my feelings of cutting this person off too - then I don’t have to worry about it at all.

That’s really sad about your friend, but sadly you can’t control what other people do or who they’re friends with. The only thing you can decide is how you handle it. Do you want to be friends with her still, or is it too hurtful knowing she’s in touch with the ex friend? I do understand. I had to pull away from someone who became good friends with someone who had bullied me. I didn’t cut them off, I just backed off a bit and was selective and more reserved about what I told them about my life. In a way, I didn’t want to give the bully any ammunition to hurt me any further, even though it was a bit irrational as I had no contact with them. I think this is where social media is harmful, because we can see more details about others friendships and we are giving people more access to ourselves too, making us more vulnerable in situations like yours.

Focus all your love and attention on having a love filled day of happiness. I hope you have a lovely time planning and a great marriage!

Cross post. This is exactly what happened to me. I get it, OP. It’s hard.

Two is absolutely fine.

it wasn’t so long ago, that bridesmaids all tended to be children, maybe with one adult maid of honour, who’s job was look after the little ‘Uns. Also, they’re role only extended to the actual day, and not all the planning stuff beforehand.

I have 4 close friends but couldn't afford all 4 of them to be bridesmaids so rather than leave anyone feeling like they'd been "left out" I chose not to have any. There was no drama, no atmosphere and everyone had a good time. 3 decades on and we're all still good friends.

I had one .My best friend.We are still best friends because there was no drama.

Keep it simple, and stick to two.

There is so much pressure regarding weddings these days.

I had one bridesmaid, my best friend and no moh.

It is perfectly fine to have your two close friends as bridesmaids. Please don't fall into pressure from other people, or try to do this to keep the peace.

And way too many people seem to expect that they will be give a role in the wedding, and it is getting silly now. Factor in the cost for each bridesmaid too, and if friend 3 ever does question you, just use cost as an excuse. You do not have to or need to get involved in drama.

Married 30ish years - one bridesmaid which was totally the norm then. It’s a fairly new thing having double figures! And a night out as stag/hen do, no weeks holiday somewhere hot.
As long as you’re marrying the right person none of this matters OP, try not to make it overly stressful!

Weddings are such a weird phenomenon. Suddenly all the belief in doing what you want, living life your way, goes out the window and we feel we have to play by traditional rules. Do what you want! I had a best woman, who was my best friend and stayed with me up to the ceremony, helped me get ready etc. She had a nice dress that I bought. My sister, SIL, neices, other friends etc were all at the wedding and had a great time. There's no need to select a special band of people in matching dresses - especially if it causes grief.

Two is fine, I had one adult and one two year old flower girl. I only had one close female friend, no sisters for either DH or I, one niece (the flower girl), no close cousins. I didn't have a hen do for the same reasons.

Two bridesmaids is normal isn’t it? I had two bridesmaids and two flower girls.
I’d just ask your two good friends, no need to justify yourself to the others

Seems a bit of an over reaction. Just don't tell her anything you would want to go back to the other. If she flags you are being distant, by all means tell her why. It's not unusual for people to be sucked back into friendships that aren't healthy, much like people in abusive relationships, it can take a while to see the wood from the trees.

As for bridesmaids, two is more than enough. For starters your husband will then need a best man and an usher. So that's three lots of dress hire, shirts, ties etc. On the bridesmaids side, you will need to pay for two dresses, hair and makeup, shoes and jewellery depending on how precious you are.

Then it's normal to buy the bridal party small gifts. We also paid for the bridesmaids to stay at the hotel the night before the wedding as hair etc started early the next morning.

It all adds up to a significant £ number very quickly. Blows my mind when people have a long line of bridesmaids and ushers and the logistics of organising them all......

I had one bridesmaid who was my cousin, I didn’t choose friends because I didn’t want to pick one or two out of our friendship group and leave the rest out so we stuck to a family day only.

Me too, my only female cousin.

Yep, I will do that. But what kind of friendship is it if I feel like I can’t/shouldnt confide in them, not tell them certain things, out of fear that it’ll go back to other person? Such a shame as we really get on, but unfortunately this other person is very manipulative and will most definitely have sucked her back in. Probably to piss me off (not that I would let it show)

I had one bridesmaid for my first wedding and none for my second. It wasn't because I only have that many friends! My one bridesmaid specifically asked to be one - my sister, so no choosing between friends.

You seem to be implying that asking someone to be your bridesmaid is a big honour - I'm not sure it is? It can be time consuming (especially if they are expected to organise a hen (ugh!)) and sometimes there is even a cost involved. It can definitely be devisive though and level friendships if you are not careful. It is all a bit silly and driven by the wedding industry...you don't need any at all - like many other things people spend a fortune on to tick a box.

As for this third friend - definitely not.

I had one adult and two child bridesmaids. I had two other close friends who could have been bridesmaids too but I was slightly closer to the one and went with that, she was someoneto actually help with organising things not just to look pretty. Not really sure what the purpose of loads of bridesmaids is.

I know this post is probably more about your 'friend" but 2 bridesmaids is fine. I had none. Just wanted a very simple wedding with small number of guests. Had friends who came with me when dress shopping. Just went out for a meal for my hen, so didn't need anyone organising a grand affair.