DS attempted suicide

[GreenDogs]

Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, I feel like I’ve failed him

I had a call from school last year when he was 13 because he’d been self farming. Not in school but they saw the cuts in PE. He’d been doing it a while he said. I called the GP for an emergency CAMHS referral but I kept being fobbed off by the GP, that it was just his hormones etc. He hadn’t even started puberty yet!

He was school refusing before summer and didn’t do anything except stay in bed. He was much the same during summer but we had an incident where he stole vodka and got so drunk we needed to go to A&E, after that he was apologetic and it seemed to scare him. He’d also been smoking weed with some of the older lads near by but apart from that he didn’t go out. He broke up with his GF of nearly a year as just seemed low but I thought it was because of the break up and he didn’t really say anything else

He went back to school on a reduced timetable. I pick him up just before lunch. And it seems to be ok, bar him getting in trouble for behaviour, being disruptive in class etc.

He went out today and when he came back he was acting off, he eventually told us he’d taken paracetamol but he didn’t know how many. DP has taken him to A&E. I’m here with our 7yo trying to keep things normal but I feel like crying. It’s also DP’s birthday tomorrow so I don’t know how to explain us not doing anything to youngest

Sorry this is all over the place

I'm so sorry. That must be incredibly worrying and stressful for you. He's in the right place with someone who loves him. Try and stay strong. Forget the birthday. It's not important right now. Just tell your youngest that their brother is feeling a bit unwell and your DP is too tired to celebrate but that you'll have some cake and celebrate another time. I hope things start to improve for you all soon.

I'm so sorry you are all going through this.

I don't have much advice but I was your son, I self harmed at 11 onwards and by 14/15 I was taking paracetamol ODs and trying to end my life. What helped me was proper 1-1 therapy and we also had family therapy every week with CAMHS.

I cannot explain the impact my family therapist had on my life and my family's, more so than 1-1 therapy. In fact, I still think of things he taught me to this day and I'm 33 now.

But mostly I wanted to say it does and will get better.

You're in my thoughts 💐

(Edit for typos)

Sorry you are going through this. You wouldn’t blame yourself if your kid had a physical illness so don’t blame yourself for a mental illness. He is still here and you can still help him. This will be tough, so be kind to yourself, you have not failed anyone.

Counselling will help.

camhs waiting lists are horrendous at the moment as so many young people are self-harming.

some schools have their own counsellor on site. Speak to school to see if they have anything he can access.

failing that there are charities that sometimes offer support.

we paid in the end.

I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you all. I can't imagine the devastation of knowing how much pain DS is in. I was a suicidal child but my mum never knew. What helped was expressing my emotions in journals and feeling that people (a teacher and a therapist mainly) cared about me and understood.

This will be hard but you can get through it with love and support as a family. Ask DS what he needs. I'm thinking of you all. And you haven't failed him. Not one bit. Kids have issues sadly it is very common now despite very stable upbringings in many cases.

What a poor boy. 14, long term relationships, smoking weed, drinking vodka. No wonder he's mixed up and hurting himself.

Counselling and family therapy may help.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this

The ONLY positive is that, hopefully, you might get some help and the GP will be less likely to fob you off

Offering a virtual handhold x

I want to start by saying it’s not your fault. Even people with perfect childhoods can still struggle with mental health.

It’s hard but make sure you are looking after yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

To echo what others have said, with the state of mental health services you should consider private therapy or look at local charities. Sometimes work places will fund therapy so check if that’s an option.

Stay strong, you are doing an amazing job xx

So, so sorry OP. I have daughter who has followed a similar pattern.

I agree with PP who praised family therapy - it's likely to be a systemic problem b/w him, you and DH (and in some way the 7 year old too) that means he feels he can't communicate except by self harm, and it's so fucking hard to do something about that. We're still in the thick of it.

You'll keep searching for help and for ways to communicate. What else can you do? In our case, the first therapist made things worse; the current one is busy with damage control.

Help is so hard to find and once you get some, you have to be on your guard whether it's actually helping... you know the fb group 'parenting mental help'? Some info and lots of comminseration to be had there. All the best.

You’ve not failed him OP, you sound really supportive and caring.
Agree with getting a specialist counsellor.

... sorry, 'parenting mental health' not help. Time for bed...

Sending love op. Also agree private family therapy if you can afford it. Hang in there

Sending so much love. I have been there. Hopefully CAMHS will now get their arse into gear for him.

Sorry to to read this. Hopefully, whilst at A&E he will be seen by the psychiatric liaison team or CAMHS equivalent. It works differently in each area. They can make onward referrals and asses any current and ongoing risk to himself today. I hope he (and family) gets the support he needs

I’m sorry op. If he is suicidal I think you can get an emergency mental health referral. I know someone who had a similar experience and I think headed to a&e where they were given the correct help and medication.

So sorry OP. What a nightmare for you. I hope you get good advice here and help for DS.