I am 17 years older than my crush's girlfriend. How did that happen?!

[parrotywotsit]

I have recently been nurturing a crush on someone I've known through work for a few years. I'm single again after 13 years and if he'd actually made a move I'd probably have crapped myself but, still, having a flirt and wondering if maybe I've still got it there to dust off again has been lovely.

Met his girlfriend today. I'm forty, he's thirty-five, she's twenty three. I have never felt so middle aged and frumpy (I am not actually frumpy but I am definitely not youthful and perky). Thank god I was too scared to ask him out!

None of those ages are unrealistic. It's fine you fancy him, he's fine to date someone younger. So don't beat yourself up!

Why have you been nurturing a crush on someone with a girlfriend? That's not cool.

It would be 'uncool' if she'd done anything about it. She didn't.

I'd lose the crush as soon as I knew he was dating someone so young.

I didn't know he had one until today!

It sounds as if OP didn't know that her crush was on someone who had a gf, although she's known him for 3 years so I wonder about that.
She (finally?) met the gf, but I wonder how the question and answer of age came up in the first place, as regards to the gf?
Did OP ask him how old she was? Did the gf volunteer her age? Did the crush tell her?
Thinking you've had a lucky escape from an embarrassing situation OP!

I've actually known him for around six years. I work in higher education and he regularly comes onto campus as part of his work, so although we don't work together directly we'll see eachother every few weeks but more at the beginning of semester one. I did not ask her age, but I vaguely know her through work as well so happen to be aware how old she is anyway.

And yes, it all could have been desperately embarrassing! I'm absolutely mortified and feel really silly and unattractive. At least no one else knows though. It's a horrible feeling though, really tapped into a feeling that life has passed me by and I've missed my chances.

Nah, the age gap between you and him is normal. His GF is very young, doesn’t mean she’s better. I bet his friends would rather he dated someone in his own life stage; I’m in HE (similar age to you, which professionally means senior lecturer, manage a team etc), and have a friend who dates PhD students. All our middle aged friends feel awkward socialising with his girlfriends.

She is young it’s him not you! 😂 I’m forties dp is 35. From what he tells me the the level of communication is different/better with older woman. Find another crush op!