Don't know what is going on with friend

[Irisrises]

I have what I thought was a good friend. We met through work and have spent lots of time together socialising as adults including a shopping trip to London. And lots of time with our dd's who also go to dance class together. We live rurally and have helped each other with lifts to groups and activities etc for years.

For some time my friend hasn't wanted to meet up as much and seems more distant. She will cancel plans with me and seems to avoid contact at times.

Over the last 6 months she has made a huge effort with another child. This particular other child was very close to mine and they were best-friends. The child now goes around for tea most Mondays after school, and my friend offers childcare regularly, and makes lots of effort to please the other parent. She organised them a trip to a pony activity day in the summer as she knew the child would like that. My dd is not invited to any of this.

I offered to meet up as usual in the summer and they didn't respond and avoided meeting up.

My child is now the outsider in the friendship. The girls dont include her in their chat and games as much. In a sense it has "worked'

I am hurt by the lack of contact as I thought we were close friends in our own right. If no one else is available they will ask to meet us but will not make plans in advance.

I feel sad for my dd who is now pushed out.

Its all so bizarre I dont get it. It all seems so purposeful and hurtful

Given it sounds like the friendship as it currently stands is pretty much over I don't think you have much to lose by asking her directly is there a problem. I would meet for a cuppa and just be polite friendly but direct, "I feel" statements and see if she will tell you/admit to having an issue.
If she won't meet you or does meet you and won't admit to any issues, tells you everything is great she's just been busy etc then you are still pretty much where you are now and can just back away and put your energy into other friendships. If you do meet and she admits there is an issue you can then talk it through and either move forward or end the friendship but at least then you will know you tried and won't be left wondering and feeling unsure and upset like you are now

For whatever reason, both the mum and the girl don’t want to know, so don’t waste anymore of your time on them. Concentrate your efforts on other friendships for you and your daughter. Even invite the other girl round separately, without this other girl. Give your daughter a big hug and sending you a big hug too. It’s horrible when friends do this. You have a right to be upset and grieve. But you need to move on and give your efforts to someone who deserves it xx

The two mums aren't friends or do anything together.

But my friend is determined to leave my dd out. I cant go into too much detail but it is pretty clear we are being blocked from the chikdrens friendship group.

The other mum doesn't care as I suppose they are getting lots of lifts/ nice days out/ childcare and so doesn't bother with my dd much now either