Moving job and home and starting again age 40

[solongfarewells]

I’m single and childless (happily so) and turning 40 next year.
I live 2.5 hours drive away from my parents and siblings (we get on well). I live rurally, they are in a small city, I have lived here since my mid 20s.
I have friends where I live, but only see them occasionally because they are busy raising young families (I have no single friends here).
I live in a beautiful place, enjoy my work, my colleagues are lovely, I couldn’t really think of a better place to work to be honest, pretty low stress overall. It’s the only possible employer for me in the area though.

But all of last year I’ve been thinking that unless I make a change - “this is it”. I will always work for this one employer, and always live here, and always be far from family (they are definitely not moving anywhere), and always come second fiddle to my friends.

And so I’ve applied for a job closer to my family. It will involve moving jobs and moving house, making new local friends etc, at age 40.

I was offered the job today and I’m panicking a bit! Would I be mad to give up lovely friends, a stress-free job where I’m happy and a house in the beautiful countryside?

The potential gains are: being able to see my family more, making friends who are more like me, a new challenge and chance to re-invent myself at work, with potentially more job prospects in future.

But it’s a risk! What if I don’t like the job / have horrible colleagues / can’t make friends in my 40s?

What would you do?

I'd try it, especially if you're renting your house rather than buying. It's a risk, but if you don't give it a go, you'll always wonder and maybe regret not trying. It's not exactly the other side of the world, is it? It's not Australia!

I did that, sort of. My 40th birthday was the impetus for me to finally get divorced after 10 shit years & I more or less started from scratch - still in London but going from north east to south west, new job, & I didn’t have many friends at that point.

It all went brilliantly. I made new friends by volunteering for the local cat rescue & getting involved in women’s rights campaigning.

Try it. If you don’t do it now then when will you do it?

To be honest you sounded happy where you are. Life doesn’t have to be all about the next step, to be honest I’d always tell people to move closer to family but very torn here, you sound like you love it!

That’s what makes it hard! I do love it, it’s just I’m not sure I love it ‘forever’, if that makes any sense? There are downsides too, mostly the amount of time I spend alone, especially during the week.

solongfarewells
aagh! That’s tough, really hard one! Best of luck either way🤞

Could you ask your job if they can potentially replace you with a fixed term person for a year in case you don't end up not wanting to stay in the new place? They may not want to as they may not get as strong a field for temporary but it's worth an ask. That way you could try it for a year and move back if you don't like it.

I'd say go for it. More opportunities in a city and better chance of a social circle.

I’m not sure they’d do that, I don’t think they’d get anyone applying as it’s quite a specialised role and it’s a rural area.
I’m leaning towards taking the new post though, nothing ventured gained, it’s just scary!

You will have more opportunities in a city for making new friends, I wish you all the best.

I did that in my early 40s albeit in a slightly different way. I was in a job where my qualifications were regarded as outdated and being outpromoted by younger people with degrees. Id always wanted to go to uni and was single and childfree like OP (by choice). I spent some years living on a tough councul estate while I did my 1st degree and began my masters. After that things improved financially and I completed my Ph.D and went into accademia. In my case I moved further away from ageing parents and my golden princess sibling. I had no intention of being roped in as the unmarried daughter who did the caring. I later heard that colleagues in my old profession had fared badly in the last cost cutting exercise and been made redundant or ended up in a temporary job share.

What would your family suggest? I guess they’d love you to be closer in distance?

Go for it!

I moved house / jobs / country at age 35. Nothing makes you feel more alive and in control of your destiny than throwing caution to the wind and taking that leap, whatever it is. Good luck!

I think if your friends are busy with children being nearer family may be beneficial. You can make friends easier in a city or live on the outskirts and commute in. Plus as a single person I guess there’s more to do in a city. I think you need to consider what kind of things you would like to do in your spare time and weigh it up.

I did likewise at the age of 58. I was perfectly happy where I was. Did it on a whim. Got the move sorted first and then found the new job. Love it! It's quite easy to make new friends if you join in with stuff. And your old friends aren't going to melt - you can go and see them. I see my friends from the previous location quite a lot.