Gender identity and expression in preschoolers

[Anothermummy25]

I know MN is famously a bit conservative in this area but I haven’t got anywhere else to chat about it. I have two gorgeous DC, DS6 and DD3. DD adores her big brother and worships the ground he walks on. She also says she’s a big boy, and has done for a solid six months or so, although it varies (she’s a girl at nursery but a boy at home sometimes).

She loves lots of traditional female gendered things, like dolls and handbags and the like. But can’t stand being in a dress. I don’t think any of these things definitely make you a boy or girl, and I wonder if she’ll grow out of this. I would quite like to hear any other experiences regarding this.

She just sounds like a typical toddler really.

She’s a toddler, a bog standard one, totally normal to go through phases. Mine identified dog for a solid 9 months, she’s managed to come out of it just fine. It’s not a ‘gender identity and expression’ thing, it’s a toddler thing. And it’s bloody 2025, she doesn’t need to wear a dress! Or like ‘girly’ things to be a girl.

She wants to be like her adored big brother. It's just a phase, nothing that needs any action from the adults.

I adored my big brother when I was small. I begged my mum non-stop to let me get my haircut the same as him and she eventually gave in when I was just turning 4. I remember sitting in the hairdresser chair and telling the hairdresser that I was a boy like my brother and asked him to call me the same name as him! It was just a phase and I did grow out of it. I think it's very normal to want to imitate and copy people that you look up to and love.

On a side note, I massively regretted the haircut pretty much the next day and then spent many weeks crying!

I agree with the post above. She loves her brother so wants to be a big boy like him. Her brother isn’t at nursery so she can be what she really is, a little girl. Next month she may want to be a cat or even a rainbow. Let her enjoy being little & don’t worry about what she says she is. It is completely normal.

It's not particularly unusual - ages 4-6 I went around telling people I was a born a boy but my willy fell off 😆And no, I don't believe I'd have anyone trying to convince me I was a boy if it happened these days.

My young toddler son would happily trot around in princess dresses and shoes pushing a dolly in a pushchair. He loved make up and having his nails painted…

He’s now a young adult and you couldn’t meet a more hulking, hairy, arse-scratching alpha male.

You don’t need to put any labels on toddler role play and experimentation.

I think toddlers/preschoolers don’t always understand concepts like pronouns.
not wanting to wear a dress is totally normal, many girls don’t.
my 4 year old regularly cries when I tell her she can’t marry her brother. She is 4 don’t read too much into it!

At that age ds would only answer to the name “Thomas” and believed that he was a train. Dd insisted I call her “Peppa”.

My two-year-old DS sometimes says “I’m a girl.” I say “No you’re not. You’re a boy.”

Job done.

Yes, that’s how I would handle it pretty much.

OP - just let her wear the clothes she likes and play with the toys she likes. And reassure her that girls can do and wear what they like (within reason obvs) and that she will always be a girl, until she grows up and then she will be a woman.

My toddler boy used to walk around in my shoes with my handbag saying he's a mummy. He's 17 now and very much a young man. Just let them be. No need to label.

Absolute normal toddler behaviour - way too young to have any concept of gender.

Leave her be and try to avoid making assumptions about 'typical gendered things'

Children only get fixated on ideas that preferences for clothing and toys affect whether one "is" a boy or a girl, or that whether one is a boy or a girl affect preferences for clothing and toys, if they are being raised with sexism. Sadly even if you aren't sexist yourself it's an enormous task to shield a child from the all-pervasive sexism in society. My guess for most likely vector is that her big brother has absorbed some half-baked sexist ideas from classmates at school, who have absorbed it from their parents

DD had a twin brother and an older brother . She refused to wear dresses or skirts until she was four and even then no frills were tolerated. Ds on the other hand liked very flamboyant velvet cloaks to dress up in. They ve all ended up with their own unique style. It really wasnt fixed until they started imitating their (gendered) peers in school so girls wanted to copy the girls and boys the boys. I actually feel bad looking back that I felt slightly peeved at dds dislike of dresses and skirts. She is now works in theatre costume and wears long flowing skirts, jeans what you might call women's fashions and is very elegant /stylish but has a wide range of "looks".

Tbh I also think it's a sensory thing. DD felt cosier in trousers or tracksuit bottoms. Dresses felt too "empty" Tights were the only reason she put up with dresses in the end. Some children like to go barefoot and are always taking their shoes off ...dd always wanted to wear socks or tights...