Maybe just a penpal

pinenuts75 · 2025-09-16T13:01:43+00:00

I’ve been messaging someone on hinge for the past week, great conversation, but he hasn’t said about meeting up, normally they’ve asked by now or wanted to exchange numbers, before anyone asks I would ask him, but when I’ve done this before, it seems to scare them off, do men just want a penpal these days? As that’s definitely not what I’m looking for, I mean we have some lengthy time consuming conversations, but I have no idea who I’m talking too 🤷♀️

GreekHorse · 16/09/2025 14:03

Smoke him out - Suggest it if he doesn’t want to you aren’t wasting any more of your time, plus if he doesn’t want to I can guarantee he’s not genuine or is with someone else

Original poster

pinenuts75 · 16/09/2025 14:05

GreekHorse · 16/09/2025 14:03

Smoke him out - Suggest it if he doesn’t want to you aren’t wasting any more of your time, plus if he doesn’t want to I can guarantee he’s not genuine or is with someone else

But I’m worried if I ask him it will scare him off.

OP posts:

GreekHorse · 16/09/2025 14:48

If it does he’s a pretty weak character and should not be having long conversations with you as he’s leading you on, you have to meet him before wasting anymore precious time on him - you will know in 30 seconds if you like him, trust me, from experience I wasted A LOT of energy before finding this out

Original poster

pinenuts75 · 16/09/2025 15:23

It’s the same conversation everyday lol, how was work? What you doing this evening? I’m starting to get bored I might just ask him if he would like to go on a date see what his response is.

OP posts:

GreekHorse · 16/09/2025 15:24

Oh dear, he might be a bit boring in real
life too, so it’s definitely best to find out sooner than later

BallybunionTao · 16/09/2025 15:27

pinenuts75 · 16/09/2025 14:05

But I’m worried if I ask him it will scare him off.

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But do you really want a date with a man who is scared off by a woman who says she wants to meet, and won't be engaging further unless they make plans to? I mean, what's the alternative, that you meekly text him indefinitely, while he takes up time and energy you could put into actually dating?

BallybunionTao · 16/09/2025 15:28

pinenuts75 · 16/09/2025 15:23

It’s the same conversation everyday lol, how was work? What you doing this evening? I’m starting to get bored I might just ask him if he would like to go on a date see what his response is.

But you said it was a 'great conversation' -- how is 'How was work? What you doing this evening?' anything other than pedestrian?

GreekHorse · 16/09/2025 15:29

Just to add, I have been where you are and it’s a numbers game, there are SO many out there who you will pass on before you find what you are looking for - don’t waste too much time on anyone, messaging and phone calls are no good, you have to meet up for a quick coffee and you will know in seconds. Top tip is men always seem to want to see you again, if it’s a no for you, quickly text as soon as you’ve left and say you are “sure he felt the same and there wasn’t a spark too blah blah, “ they then agree to save fave and there’s not so many hurt feelings 😁

Original poster

pinenuts75 · 16/09/2025 15:36

BallybunionTao · 16/09/2025 15:28

But you said it was a 'great conversation' -- how is 'How was work? What you doing this evening?' anything other than pedestrian?

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Well he starts the conversation with that everyday, but we do message about a lot of other stuff and seem to have a lot in common.

OP posts:

Original poster

pinenuts75 · 16/09/2025 15:37

GreekHorse · 16/09/2025 15:29

Just to add, I have been where you are and it’s a numbers game, there are SO many out there who you will pass on before you find what you are looking for - don’t waste too much time on anyone, messaging and phone calls are no good, you have to meet up for a quick coffee and you will know in seconds. Top tip is men always seem to want to see you again, if it’s a no for you, quickly text as soon as you’ve left and say you are “sure he felt the same and there wasn’t a spark too blah blah, “ they then agree to save fave and there’s not so many hurt feelings 😁

Yes I’m going to ask him to meet up.

OP posts:

BallybunionTao · 16/09/2025 15:53

GreekHorse · 16/09/2025 15:29

Just to add, I have been where you are and it’s a numbers game, there are SO many out there who you will pass on before you find what you are looking for - don’t waste too much time on anyone, messaging and phone calls are no good, you have to meet up for a quick coffee and you will know in seconds. Top tip is men always seem to want to see you again, if it’s a no for you, quickly text as soon as you’ve left and say you are “sure he felt the same and there wasn’t a spark too blah blah, “ they then agree to save fave and there’s not so many hurt feelings 😁

Spoken like a pro. 😀

Original poster

pinenuts75 · 16/09/2025 18:17

Well I’ve asked him, he’s just replied ‘yeah I would really like that’.
I mean now what 😂 this is like to much hard work, easier staying single I think!

OP posts:

GreekHorse · 17/09/2025 03:21

He sounds like a newbie to the OLD world and might be unsure of type of date to suggest, I think you need to suggest a place for a coffee and get it over with 😁

MayaPinion · 17/09/2025 05:35

OP, you should have at least 3-4 of these in the go. Don’t get too invested and don’t put all your eggs in the one basket just yet. He won’t be!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 17/09/2025 05:58

So this is where I’d be right now……

Preferably daylight.

Anytime between 11am and 2pm.

Coffee shop in a busy ish place.

Have an excuse to go eg you’re meeting a friend and taking her somewhere later (he might smell, be embarrassingly loud or something).

I have met people for the first time in the dark but keep your wits about you.

Have fun!