Psychology of female mum friends

[MyAquaGuide]

Had my DD 6 months ago and have made lots of mum friends from babygroups. Starting to think how many are genuine. Example:

Friend 1 - Anna, athlete, private school educated, exclusively breastfeeding(very vocal about it) baby led weaning, glamorous, not very generous

friend 2 Jane. Sleep trains, spoon feeds, bit nerdy but very warm generous.

Both friends send their kids to same private school but Anna told me she doesnt like Jane because she thinks shes socially awkward. I know both of them separetly and Jane is who she is. Anna im finding more calculating by the day. She commented of Jane sleep training and said its unnatural and both have diff parenting styles.

I also think Anna judges ppl on looks. Not to be big headed but part of me thinks she is also friends with me because I 'fit' her mould. What is the psychology behind mum friends? Have i been naive becoming friends with everyone ? i know not everyone will click but Anna seems to be passing so much judgment on Jane without knowing her very well. Do people assess and analyse like this ? Have i been wearing rose tinted glasses

Lol, you fit in very well by the sound of it.

I'm absolutely baffled how anyone has the time to go through other people's personalities with a fine tooth comb like this, let alone the energy.

They are who they are, so either choose them as friends or don't.

Why are you being so derogatory about your friends? It sounds like you’re not genuine yourself? With a 6 month old baby I barely had the energy to talk to my husband let alone make lots of mum friends and analyse them as people. I think this post is fake

This. When mine were babies I saw “mum friends” as similar to work colleagues. People who you wouldn’t necessarily choose but who you are thrown together with as you are all doing the same difficult job at the same time. Life is much nicer with work colleagues if you can get on but that doesn’t mean that you will be twin souls. And that is ok.

With both work colleagues and mum friends there are a few who I am now truly friends with.

And many others who I like or respector enjoy spending time with or even all three but I wouldn’t choose as a friend.

My Mum friends were determined by who liked going for buggy walks or who like café cake then we all agreed that we were all knackered. Pretty much nothing else for at least the first 9 months of my sons life - it was lovely 🥰

Anna sounds like an insufferable arse. It’ll only get worse when your kids all start biting each other and the differing development milestones unleash her maternal competitiveness. Ditch now while you can and stuck with hippy mum. Either that or establish your own personality cult.

the unique things about school mum friends it can affect your kids when there are fall outs

probably best to have your own friends
and then just be friendly but not actual friends with the mum friends

if they are just baby group friends
And live in a different area then I think that can work
but I’ve seen so so many fall outs
some after many years
and observed so many fake friendships at the school gates
then when the mums fall out
it’s hard for the kids

I have a 15 month old and just don't do mum friends. If I wouldn't be friends with you normally, then I don't see the point in just hanging out because you're both mums. I can share the ups and downs of parenting with my true friends whether or not they have kids. I'm also neurodivergent and I'm very nerdy and socially come across as a little offbeat. I need friends who match my weird, and I feel like an alien in your average mum group.

OP people will judge you here, but personality is important. If you don't like someone's vibe and feel you won't gel, it's okay to end the friendship, or just to see it a bit like you're work colleagues and thrown together the mutual interests but knowing it won't be long term. I personally just don't have it in me for superficial friendships either! I get along with anyone, but I'm picky about who I actually hang around with and befriend.

I would be Jane.

I'm so glad that I am over that stage in life now.

I haven't kept in touch with any so called "mum friends". Life is too short.

I was Jane too. Loved sleep training and couldn’t be much arsed with breastfeeding.

Reading this thread just reminds me as to why I didn’t go to baby groups and just met up with my friends regardless of whether they had children or not!
I was definitely Jane in your scenario and my children are all adults now who are brilliant ,successful human beings 😉

Ditch Anna and focus on your friendship with Jane. Anna sounds horrible.

I’m glad my kids are now at the age where nobody knows, cares or asks whether they were breast or bottle-fed, baby-led weaned or spoon-fed. I have no idea what any of my friends did with their kids either.

Dunno but I'd stick with jane

Grow up, tripartite-named OP. You have not made ‘loads of mum friends’.You’ve met people you’ve only known a few months because you’ve all had babies. You barely know them. Dial down the backbiting.