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Original poster

Abortion or not? :( please help

22 replies

cryingalot123 · 15/09/2025 22:03

Hello. Mum of 4 here (in tears)

my children are
15,13,7 and 9 months old.

my 9 month old is with my current partner. I have most breast fed and so my periods hasn’t come back until recently. Anyway please don’t judge but I e been caught out didn’t expect it at all (maybe I’m stupid yes) but I’m 6 weeks pregnant.

I’ve got abortion booked for later this week.
im just so sad.

my partner has told me not to do anything rash and that he supports either way as its my choice.

if im honest as to why ive planned abortion it’s because of all my other children. Not because of me.
im worried about sharing my time even more and I don’t want any of them to feel less loved or anything. I just love them all so much.
but then that makes me think how much ill love this one.
honestly I’m in bits.

I’ve not told my family (mum etc) over the thought of them turning their nose up at me having 2 under 2.
although I had 2 under 2 when I was 20!!! (My teen girls)

im sat tonight on my own just having a good cry.
im a person who considers everyone else one by one before myself especially the kids.

yes my partner knows but hes a man. A typical man. I e not had one woman to speak to about this.

I work for myself. Got a nice home. Good family. I’m 33 x
xx

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 15/09/2025 22:08

No judgement from me OP Flowers

It may help to talk to BPAS who offer confidential and unbiased advice.

How did your other children react to your pregnancy with the 9 month old?

Original poster
cryingalot123 · 15/09/2025 22:09

hi Thankyou x I’ve spoken to them already. My older 3 children love the 9 month old SO much x

OP posts:
Cece92 · 15/09/2025 22:11

I think your partners right don’t do anything rash. You’re obviously in 2 minds so really think about it and please don’t care about what others think. This is about you and your family only. It’s your body and your choice. If you feel it’s the best decision then that’s okay. Sending you hugs xxx

Original poster
cryingalot123 · 15/09/2025 22:13

Thankyou xxxx

OP posts:
CallMeEvelyn · 15/09/2025 22:14

Aww OP. This is tough. Do you think waiting a bit might give you more clarity? I'm not saying this would happen to you, but from personal experience, miscarriages happen and you are only 6 weeks now. Not sure how you'd feel about waiting, whether that would be helpful or not, but just something to consider.

PinkFrogss · 15/09/2025 22:14

cryingalot123 · 15/09/2025 22:09

hi Thankyou x I’ve spoken to them already. My older 3 children love the 9 month old SO much x

Do they know you’re pregnant?

Honestly if they reacted positively to the 9 month old, and especially if they know you’re pregnant now and are happy about it, I think you’re worrying too much about them. You sound like a loving, happy family, and that’s not to say it won’t be difficult but if you have a supportive partner and family, you’re financially secure etc then you’ll get through it.

Im completely pro choice and would never talk someone out of an abortion they want or need, but that doesn’t sound like you.

Why don’t you sit down with your partner, write out everything you’re worried about and what you can do to mitigate those worries, see how you feel after that.

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 15/09/2025 22:15

I'm not sure spreading yourself across 5 will be that much different from 4 tbh. In a few years, your eldest will be an adult and may have left home, your now 13yo will be likely out with friends most of the time, and I think you'd have more time for the little ones.

It's totally up to you, but I think make the right decision for you. Two so close in age will be tough for a few years, but they may become best friends (my 2u2 are), so don't think it's necessarily negative for them.

Moreteaandchocolate · 15/09/2025 22:18

Such a tough decision. You sound like a lovely mum who cares so much about your children and so I’m sure that whatever decision you make will be the right one for your lovely family. Don’t feel guilty whatever you decide as you know you are doing what’s best for everyone. Maybe give it a bit more time if it doesn’t feel right? Another week perhaps?

Nayyercheekyfeckers · 15/09/2025 22:33

This is what I would do:
Don't rush an abortion.
Give yourself 2 more weeks. Most early miscarriages occur before 8 weeks. Therefore there is a chance that you could have a miscarriage in any event, which would be less traumatic than having an abortion.
When you reach 8 weeks, and assuming that it is still a viable pregnancy, then ask yourself, are you glad that you didn't miscarry?
You are only 33 so energetic enough to have 2 under 2. And from what you are saying, i'm actually getting the feeling that you don't want to get rid of it. You've mentioned how much you and your family love your 9mth old. You've mentioned how you have previously had 2 under 2. You are upset over the thought of having an abortion. You have a supportive partner. The fact that you have bought up those points lends me to think that you are either reluctant to abort or that you need more time to think it over. X

Sunnydayze43 · 15/09/2025 22:36

I echo want a lot of previous posters have said.
Absolutely no judgment on any decision you might make op.

From what you've said you do sound like a lovely, close and loving family.
Your children were happy and are happy with their youngest sibling.
You are only worried about not being able to divide your time between all of your children.
Even your partner has cautioned you against doing something rash, but says he's fine with it either way, I think that is a positive thing it takes the pressure of whatever decision you come to, off you.
You say that you're comfortably off, and as others have said your teen dcs would hopefully be very helpful and supportive of you and the two LOs.
Unless you yourself are truly hesitant, and you feel that you could not cope with all that comes with having another LO, I feel like others that you should give yourself a little more time to think about it as the choice is yours; follow your heart op. Xxxx

CharlieKirkRIP · 15/09/2025 22:37

I took on three children aged 1, 3 and almost 4 (their mother died) and a year later had my own and then another of my own two years later.

They are all adults and I coped just fine and no one missed out on my time. We are all very close.

If your partner wants to support you then think about your options.

jpclarke · 15/09/2025 22:46

I think you need to give yourself more time, it doesn’t sound like you are ready. You sound like a great mom, and as you have been through it before know that you can manage small age gaps as well as knowing that if you decide to keep the baby they would be great friends. This decision has to come from you and your partner because you have to live with your decisions either way. I have friend you who 5 children now but she did have an abortion after the 4th and before the 5th she was in a very dark place at the time, but in no way does she regret the 5th baby. I have another friend who has 6 and loves them all and gets plenty of time with them all.

Original poster
cryingalot123 · 15/09/2025 22:48

Thankyou everyone. I’m reading all of your replies. I’m not great at replying individually but I’m taking all of it in and apreciate your time so much xxx

I wonder…..my 2 eldest are best mates. The 2 little ones will be close and best mates. Does that leave my middle 7 year old out as the odd one? :( xxx

OP posts:
Sunnydayze43 · 15/09/2025 23:05

Your 7 year old might slip very happily into being the "older" brother or sister, and be happy playing with and helping you look after the little ones.

This is what happened in my own family an older DD, followed by two DS's who were close in age.
DD loved helping me, keeping an eye on them :-) playing with them, reading to them, looking back, she was really a good help!

And don't forget personalities, it wouldn't be the first time one of the younger ones would be closer to the older one more so than the other.

Bottom line is you are a loving family and close and your children will feel involved and happy together ♥️xx

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 15/09/2025 23:09

Do you have enough money and space for another baby?
Is your employment and your partner's secure?
Would having another child negatively affect your older children (think room sharing, fewer opportunities etc.
Is your relationship stable?
Is your health good?

Answer those questions before making a decision. Talk this through with your partner and don't let him do the 'it's your choice' act and dump all that burden on you.

SilverCamellia · 15/09/2025 23:17

Having had an 8 year gap between my second and third I often wished I had had a fourth. They were sometimes a bit lonely when the others had left for university. I know it will be hard work for a bit but with each other to play with things would be easier. Don’t worry about what other people say.

Baby1218 · 17/09/2025 11:10

cryingalot123 · 15/09/2025 22:03

Hello. Mum of 4 here (in tears)

my children are
15,13,7 and 9 months old.

my 9 month old is with my current partner. I have most breast fed and so my periods hasn’t come back until recently. Anyway please don’t judge but I e been caught out didn’t expect it at all (maybe I’m stupid yes) but I’m 6 weeks pregnant.

I’ve got abortion booked for later this week.
im just so sad.

my partner has told me not to do anything rash and that he supports either way as its my choice.

if im honest as to why ive planned abortion it’s because of all my other children. Not because of me.
im worried about sharing my time even more and I don’t want any of them to feel less loved or anything. I just love them all so much.
but then that makes me think how much ill love this one.
honestly I’m in bits.

I’ve not told my family (mum etc) over the thought of them turning their nose up at me having 2 under 2.
although I had 2 under 2 when I was 20!!! (My teen girls)

im sat tonight on my own just having a good cry.
im a person who considers everyone else one by one before myself especially the kids.

yes my partner knows but hes a man. A typical man. I e not had one woman to speak to about this.

I work for myself. Got a nice home. Good family. I’m 33 x
xx

Hello, first off , are you okay?

Original poster
cryingalot123 · 17/09/2025 12:01

Baby1218 · 17/09/2025 11:10

Hello, first off , are you okay?

Show quote history

Hello xx no not at all x

OP posts:
gummywitch · 17/09/2025 12:59

Don't think about anyone else right now just listen to your heart, my darling. Whatever you feel deep down as the best thing for you to do, will be the right decision. And you don't have to make that decision today when you're feeling so mixed up, you've got a few weeks as pps say. You're being supported by an amazing dh by the sound of it and have a beautiful family. No need to feel any guilt for whatever you decide.

InNeedofAdvice1234 · 17/09/2025 13:07

Hi there, I have not read other's replies, just your posts. However, I thought I would share experience of someone I know from uni.

She was a mum of 4 with a full-time job. As far as I could tell, her new partner wasn't living with her. When she got pregnant, I thought she was complete bonkers keeping the baby as her other children were already at school.

However, she did keep the baby, did keep her full-time job (after maternity leave) and she is doing really well, progressing in her career to be a manager now. An incredible woman.

I am not saying this is what I would have done and it is something you should do. However, as my friend's example shows, when there is a will, there is a way

IdBeLionIfISaid · 17/09/2025 13:10

Oh gosh, no judgement from me at all.

From your posts it doesn't sound like you want an abortion.

Do you have help around you? Two under 18 months will be a logistical challenge for a while.

I wouldn't worry about dynamics of siblings. That's something you can't control, whether you have two or ten.

Please take your time over your decision x

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