How to respond to comments about appearance?

[Wellactuallynotreally]

This isn’t meant as a stealth boast. I look young for my age and when people find out how old I actually am, they often say “You must have had an easy life!” Implying I’ve not got wrinkles because I haven’t had stress.

it’s hard to laugh off as actually I’ve had quite a difficult life, my mum was an alcoholic and dad was a drug addict, I was bounced around different relatives homes for many years before starting out on my own at 17, never had a hand up since. (I’m now quite stable and have been reasonably successful, married with DC, etc. But people assume you wouldn’t be in my shoes if you’d had a difficult upbringing).

I don’t want to say “actually no, it’s been quite hard” but I also find it quite irritating. (I’m sure I’ll start to look worse for the wear eventually but at present it’s really a bit annoying). Any suggestions?

Honestly I think people just say this. The amount of people who have looked shocked when I’ve said my age and then say something ridiculous like I look 15 years younger or whatever (I really don’t). I used to believe it a bit but for some reason it’s just a thing people say.

"You don't know the half of it!"

I think this is one of those things you have to reframe your mindset to hearing it. Not because it’s true, but it’s because the only person who’s going to continue to be agitated by it is you.

Treat it like a comment on the weather, and let it roll off your shoulders. They know nothing about your life, only that your face looks more youthful than your age.

Agree with pp. People say this to everyone. It doesn't mean they think you look young.

“Aw thanks. Yours has obviously been really tough”

😁

I think many of us have heard that from strangers and have seen that look of surprise when, in reference , they find out about what your age is.
Sometimes it's a genuine look of surprise and you can tell.
Of course some people do it to schmooze, but there really are times in our lives when we look younger than we are, try not to let it bother you, it might even make you smile inwardly a little bit.
Don't take it to heart and enjoy it while it lasts, because it doesn't!

This is really tricky as it's stirring up your feelings about your past.

They're not actually thinking about what they say or about you as an individual - it's just a bullshit phrase they heard during their own socialisation.

You need a bland, generic reply that just moves you past it and then internally recognise how well you have done to succeed given the difficult situation you grew up in.

Thank you all for the kind replies, @verycloakanddaggers , any suggestions for a phrase?

Would a simple "oh that's so kind of you" cover it? It doesn't have to reference the detail of what they said.

Just be gracious and say thank you.

’You must have had an easy life!’ can be taken as rhetoric question which you don’t have to answer/reply to.

Smile and change the subject.