Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Lending more money to sibling-opinions wanted

21 replies

stanleycups · 14/09/2025 13:23

I’ve twice lent money to a sibling. Once was during house renovations, to help finish a project. Then after Christmas to help pay bills etc.

I could afford this money, atm I’m financially comfortable and they know this. I lived with our parents longer than they did and they have kids and I don’t so they get stretched more easily. But they’ve never discussed paying me back and now they’re asking again. I don’t need the money back fortunately, but to me it feels more like the principle of it. I’d really appreciate opinions. Am I being tight to family when I’m comfortable? And maybe in the future I’ll need their help. Or do you think they should have mentioned paying it back?

OP posts:
WatchingTheDetective · 14/09/2025 13:25

That's really cheeky, borrowing money off you and not even mentioning it again. I'd just say no and that they still owe you money from last year.

How much do they owe you?

They won't help you out if you're stuck, don't even think for a moment they will. They've shown they're not that type of person. They see you as their ATM and they see themselves as always being the recipients, never the givers.

Teachingagain · 14/09/2025 13:27

They’re not asking to borrow money. They’re asking you to give them money.

NorthXNorthWest · 14/09/2025 13:27

They have no intention of paying it back. Suggest a payment plan for what they owe you.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/09/2025 13:30

I think you have to make up your own mind whether to give or lend money, and make it clear which one applies.

I'd be more comfortable lending money for a specific purpose. I'd be very cheesed off to be asked regularly to top up day to day expenses especially with no offer to repay.

I'm also happy to do things like pay for swimming classes for the kids or family tickets for days out, ie, the little extras that make life fun and mean they can concentrate paying for essentials. I'm currently chipping into a nephew's university costs.

Lollypop701 · 14/09/2025 13:37

they are not borrowing money, you are giving it them under the pretence they will pay you back. They have never spoken about a payment plan and considering what you say I don’t think they can afford it anyway.

if they know you will bail them out what incentive do they have to work for it themselves? Basically you are being played as they know you feel sorry for them… if they couldn’t afford more children they should have considered this… it’s not for you to pay for their choices

id Tell them that you don’t want the money back you have loaned them previously (not that you have a cat in hells chance of seeing it imo) but you can’t afford anymore. The money should go to your own family… and stop sharing any financial info with them if you do that

edit… buying nice Christmas and birthday gifts and ad hoc gifts to lighten the load is a great idea

ViciousCurrentBun · 14/09/2025 13:40

I am much better off than my siblings, I have never lent them money nor have they asked. I have bought them items such as fridge freezers as gifts and paid for holidays as a total treat and no wanting anything back.

AlphaApple · 14/09/2025 13:42

My sibling is much wealthier than me. I would never in a million years ask them to give me money!

Account734 · 14/09/2025 14:15

No chance I would lend people money if they hadn't yet paid me back money I'd lent them before unless there was a VERY good reason.

MindfulAndDemure · 14/09/2025 14:21

Its so strange that you didn't mention that they already owe you money.

Chickyhip · 14/09/2025 14:26

If I had a lot more money than my sister I’d help her out happily whenever she needed it and wouldn’t ask her to pay it back. If you can afford it then maybe just tell her it’s a gift and you don’t need it back. That way there’s no resentment about it.

LIZS · 14/09/2025 14:27

You are not loaning it, they believe it is a gift which is not repayable. What is the reason this time? A one off crisis is different to living beyond their means.

YorkieTheRabbit · 14/09/2025 14:32

You’ve basically paid towards doing their house up. If they have never even mentioned repaying the money then it’s clear they consider it a gift.
You need to decide if you can continue paying for their lifestyle.
Personally, I’d be reluctant to carry on without a serious conversation about the previous cash not being repaid.

skyeisthelimit · 14/09/2025 14:36

What did you agree when you handed the last money over? Surely you didn't just give it to them without discussing a repayment plan if it wasn't a gift?

This is on you, to be crystal clear what the terms are, if there are any, or if it is a gift.

Personally, I would not lend money to somebody who hasn't repaid previous loans, but if you didn't agree terms and make them stick to them, then you do need to sort this out.

QuinoafromKew · 14/09/2025 14:38

Just say I will think about lending you more money once you have repaid all of the last loans.
How long have you waited for them to repay it?

Hatty65 · 14/09/2025 14:40

No. You didn't pay the last two lots back, so I can't afford to give you any more.

FuzzyWolf · 14/09/2025 14:41

You need to establish whether you are lending them money or giving them money because it sounds like they think the latter.

MrLarsonsNailGun · 14/09/2025 14:42

I have been through this situation, there have been occasions where I have given money to family, but I have stipulated it’s a gift, therefore there are no expectations to pay it back. A particular family member once borrowed money from me and said they will pay me back, and they never have. I haven’t made a fuss and I won’t, but that’s the last penny they will get from me. One strike, and you are out, otherwise the resentment builds and it’s not good for anyone.

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/09/2025 14:43

I would ask when they intend on repaying back the money from the previous loans first.
my brother is wealthier than me, i wouldnt dream of asking to borrow money off him much less asking he gives it to me & never repaying him.

Coconutter24 · 14/09/2025 14:50

How did the conversation go when they borrowed the money? Was it clear it was a loan? It’s cheeky as owt to ask for more money when they’ve already had it twice before. Unfortunately it’s on you to say no because I’ve not had anything back from the last times you borrowed some or say yes but here’s a payment plan/I need it back before X date

historyrepeatz · 14/09/2025 14:58

When were the previous two loans? Were they for a lot? When they asked did they mention when/ how they would repay you? How comfortable are you? Would you have your own family one day and need this money? Just because you want them money doesn’t mean they would lend it to you.

Original poster
stanleycups · 14/09/2025 19:48

Thanks for your input everyone. I didn’t specify a payment plan because I think I thought they would raise paying me back when they were able to. That’s on me and if I was to lend to someone else in the future I’d do that. I’m not going to lend anymore.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page