Are your friendships different in your 40s?

[Cloud44]

Im finding everyone is so busy it takes ages to organise a time when everyone is free, then plans change, im early 40s and missing seeing friends as much as i used to! Has anyone else felt the same in their 40s?

Yes absolutely, met with friends yesterday, first time since January, was great to catch up though. I think its particularly bad with young kids.

Mine are.

my friends (all 3, but I do have acquaintances) are at least a decade younger than me and whilst we have kids of a similar age (teens)i am the only one with adult children in their twenties and so they can’t relate

I’ve also found my friendships have changed significantly since my dh died, I’m the single one now and I’ve found they’ve become more distant and I’ve lost one or two.

when your kids are little you meet people at on the school run, clubs, playgroups, but when they grow up the dynamics of friendships change, life happens and awful things occur and that can change a friendship.

im more lonely now in my late 40s than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

It’s stage of life too, I think. DH and I tend to have more time to ourselves now we are in our forties as we are older so more senior in work and a bit financially better off so not putting in the shifts everywhere we can and our dc are also now late teens so becoming independent whereas lots of our friends still have young children and are busy with school / club runs and activities on the weekend.

I think you naturally gravitate more to people on the same path as yourself and friendships do change but the genuine ones always last so long as you’re understanding of each other’s levels of life busy-ness!

Mine are the richest and best they've ever been, even though my closest friends and I all live in different parts of the country. A couple I talk to every day, others only once a week or so, but we're always connected. They're the funniest, wisest, most supportive people in my life.

And I think, of us at least, it's precisely because we've been through some tough stuff, as PPs have said (divorces, bereavements, abusive situations, financial struggle), that we take even more care to nurture our friendships. We know how vital they can be.

That said, of my five close friends only two have kids, and I do think that makes a difference.

When I was in my 40’s no, they didn’t change. It was the same as it had been in my 30’s. I met up with my friends every Friday night to go to pubs and a nightclub. I had 2 children. When the club stopped we still met every Friday night. That changed as we got into our 50/60’s but I have different groups of friends I meet very regularly.

Yep, definitely noticed a shift in my friendship group. Used to see each other frequently but now it takes ages to get a date in the diary or for some to reply to a message! I recently tried ti organise (another!) get together/catch up but it took over a week for some people to reply even though they had time to upload photos/posts on social media. And when we did finally pin down a date & I organised/booked a restaurant (as there was no signs of life) - not one said thanks or acknowledged my message confirming place, date/time.

I understand people are very busy & life can take over but it’s got to the point where I feel like it’s one sided - I’m the one who reaches out first.
I don’t want to completely shut them off but I feel like I’m being taken for granted as I hardly hear from them anymore.

yeah noticed a huge difference. have friends I don't hear from or see for months. I keep in contact with most on WhatsApp Facebook etc
however I have found it harder as I don't have children to meet up with friends (most of mine do ) as they tend to do more with people who have kids aswell. the no kids didn't affect at all in my 20s or 30s but I have noticed a stark change now. just to note I have no issues with any of my friends kids take an iterest etc when woth them. but just feel treated a little different as don't have any

Totally. It is such a shame - like people can’t see that if they keep turning down invitations they will eventually end up with no friends.

Yes