Do I need a Nanny/au pair/carer/housekeeper?

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After my son arrived I was unexpectedly unable to look after him due to ill health. So my partner took a year off work to be the main carer as medically I couldn’t and needed treatment. He’s going back to work now and the plan was for me to be a SAHM, but I can’t manage that now. So the choice is my son goes to nursery full time 7:30-6pm 5 days a week or I have a nanny come and help me at home.
The thought of him going away at a young age is horrible. Previously I was going to go to work part time and my partner do condensed hours and a day with grandparents so no nursery or one day a week which would have felt okay if I was working, but the thought of sitting at home alone knowing he is sad and not getting one to one care breaks me. Grandparents are no longer an option.

The other option is having someone with me at home. But I need regular breaks/time outs and I wonder if I will always feel like I have to do more/host/can’t switch off and rest, but it would be better for my son to stay at home with me?

If I do do this, how do you go about finding a nanny and being an employer etc?

Is your dh a high earner? I think a full.time nanny will be expensive, plus you'll need contingency planning for a/l, sick days etc.
If nursery, is dh doing all am care, then taking dc there then work, then pick up and sole caring till bed?
Are you needing care yourself?

If you can afford a nanny, that option would certainly give you more time with your son but also breaks etc. be clear in the advert about what the job will involve.

you find a website where you can advertise for a nanny first. I think I used childcare.co.uk but that was a while ago. You also need a company like Nannytax to do the payslips and tax stuff for you.

Not a high earner, but have the savings to make it work for a year or two. But no idea how much this would cost.
with nursery DH will be doing am care and taking to nursery and picking up, unless I get someone to help me in the evenings with pick up and with me for a few hours. No family and I can’t be with him by myself.

Can you be safely alone with him at any time? But you can be on your own ok?

What's the condition if you don't mind me asking?

Perhaps a combo of nursery and in-home care while he's little?

I'm a retired nanny/housekeeper and have done a similar role..
Basically you advertise for exactly what you need.. Childcare.co.uk is a good site.
I did the school run (dad got kids up and dressed) with the baby, came back to their house and mum spent time with baby. I put a wash on, put away clothes maybe empty dishwasher and put the hoover round. I then usually took baby out shopping (for them) or visiting other nannies. We came home for a nap and I would make Mum lunch if she needed me to.
I usually spent time with mum and baby in the afternoon but I would prepare evening meal as we chatted. I would usually do the school run again sometime leaving baby with mum if she was up to it..
I then stayed helping kids with homework etc, getting school bags ready for the next day until Dad came home from work..
It worked well for me and the family for a few years until mum was able to do more and baby went to nursery in the mornings.
Help is out there. Good luck

What about a nanny share or childminder?

@Marylou62 that sounds like exactly the kind of thing I would need and a lovely set up. Can I ask you how much your wages were? Or message me or feel free to ignore!

How did you manage holidays? Did you work out together which weeks to take off or just say which ones you wanted etc. how did suck leave work? I’ve read about nanny share

@Ddakji im not sure how a nanny share would work or if I’d cope with other kids in the house. And a child kinder would mean he wasn’t here/same as a nursery

A nanny share you’d normally set up with one other family who needed the same, it would usually just be one other child, probably a similar age to your own.
A childminder isn’t really the same as nursery - no, it’s not in your home, but it’s in the childminder’s home and they’ll only have a certain number of children - 6 maximum.

Because of where I live wages are lower so about £12 hr. But it was 10 years ago. I took holiday when Dad did..but I had some choice if I asked in advance as he would book that particular time. Luckily I wasn't ill often but if I possibly could I'd still work but we'd have a quiet day.
As I said you advertise for exactly the type of nanny (/housekeeper) you need. I was a much older nanny and was very happy to take on this role..

With a nanny share the nanny usually spends time alternating equally between both of the families houses. (Changing homes every week). Usually one family doesn't want the wear and tear, heating , electric use and equipment only in their house. So are you up for the nanny and another child in your home, another cot/highchair/double buggy stored there? And when it is the other family's time to host, your baby will be away from your home anyway..
And if you have to be rigid with holidays it can get quite complicated. Nanny shares can work very well but can be much more difficult to negotiate.
The other family have to have the same values to make it work really..if one family are more easy going about snacks, sleep routine, nannys approach to discipline etc but the other family have completely different ideas it can be difficult for the nanny. It takes a lot of time to find the right share.

I definitely don’t think I’d manage with a nanny share, and a child minder would be the same as a nursery, I wouldn’t be with them at times.

Sorry if you've posted op, but is it a physical disability that prevents you from caring for your dc? Do you get ADP?

@SallySuperTrooper Yes it’s a physical disability, sorry I don’t know what adp is!

@FirstdatesFred i think that’s what I’m leaning towards, maybe a couple of days or mornings in nursery and then someone at home, I don’t think 5 full time days is going to be good for either of us. I know it’s anonymous but don’t want to give lots of specifics.
I can be on my own, don’t need care from the nanny, DH does what’s needed when not at work. I could do an hour or so. There’s also the chance that something could happen to be that’s catastrophic, and I wouldn’t want him to be on his own then.