How do you organise finances in a reltionship like this?

[Mugfills]

Both middle aged. Not living together, but spend a lot of time together and spend a lot of time a the "homeowners" house, sleepover 3-4 eves a week. Roughly equal salaries. I mean covering costs at the homeowners house, as well as paying for trips and dinner etc.

Partner one:
Owns own home mortgage free, adult DC, comfortable, as there is passive as well as earned income.

Partner two:
Rents, no DC. In many ways a more difficult life, with some setbacks meaning "starting over" a couple of times. Has enough to live comfortably, but not for the same lifestyle as Partner one, if all costs are shared.

Partner 1 is wary of being taken advantage of and of protecting assets for DC. Partner 2 likes to pay their way, but that restricts what is affordable.

Partner 2 provides all food when visiting partner 1.

Days out cheap and cheerful that partner 2 can afford unless partner 1 wants to pay more.

There's a big difference between a cocklodger and someone who is a good partner and is not necsesarily contributing financially.

A CL more or less moves in by stealth - often spending 6-7 nights a week in the home and even more often, not actually having anywhere else to live. They sit around eating and drinking the woman out of house and home - finishing off biscuits bought as a weekend treat, polishing off entire bottles of wine/beer. They contribute little or nothing practically as it's not their house (so no washing up, no cleaning, no chores). they don't offer any sort of acknowledgement of being treated well by buying flowers/wine, getting in some groceries ad hoc, ordering a takeout and even verbal acknowledgement is absent - usually in fact it gets aggressive if the woman complains he's eaten her children's snacks. In addition, cocklodgers generally are pretty happy sitting at home doing nothing so there ar enough date nights, no shared activities and he's certainly not paying for every second movie, every second dinner etc.

The other big difference is when the cocklodger is doing all this, they're making the person they're abusing feel bad. Vs where someone is perfectly happy and enjoying the time spent with the person and the relationship but then starts to question it because of what someone else says.

I can honestly say i never felt hard done by when DH was staying in my flat, eating my food etc. But that's because he was not taking it for granted and was happy to contribute in his own way, we were regularly going out etc etc etc.

What's the situation with partner ones adult children that means you can never live together?

If you earn roughly the same then you share roughly the same. It's not one person's fault that the other's life choices leave them less well off.

If the couple are staying at the more affluent partners' more often fair enough, they're able to absorb any xtra costs. Both people should bring gifts like wine or food or whatever - depending on who's staying where.

In terms of protecting assets, it shouldn't be an issue until the subject of living together crops up - and you have been warned about how this is likely to play out.