Has anyone ever successfully "nipped it in the bud"?

[Mugfills]

It's often the advice here, whether it's about too much golf, possible or suspected infidelity, too many boozy nights out etc.

But is it actually possible to control another's behaviour like that and maintain a proper relationship? If he needs managing like that to behave in a way that's acceptable to you, is the realtionship worth the effort? I.e if he won't do it just becuase he wants to treat you well, what's the point?

Anyway have you ever had to "nip it in the bud" and gone on to have a successful realtionship?

Well, I think it depends how you look at it. If there are things that are detrimental to your relationship, you communicate about them by laying out your needs and then the other person has a choice about their behaviour, and you have a choice about what you do following their actions.

DH and have had this debate before - he tried saying that I was ‘lucky’ because he did XY and Z, to which my response was that I just wouldn’t remain in a relationship with someone who didn’t pull their weight around the house or with their own children and so I wasn’t lucky - it was an active decision I’d made based on his behaviour. I’m not 17, love doesn’t conquer all, and your partner’s behaviour has a fundamental impact on your happiness in life, so why would I stay with someone who wasn’t contributing to my happiness?

Absolutely, but if he felt not contributing was OK, would "nipping it in thr bud" help?

Well, that would be where you communicate about it. Personally I’d approach it to say that that in order for you to not feel massive resentment towards him because he didn’t do anything to contribute (which he should as he fucking lives there too) you need him to do more and you’re happy for him to choose which tasks are ‘his’ or just do things as he notices, but it shouldn’t be all your responsibility. And then he has two choices - he starts doing more and recognises that it’s not fair to leave it all to you. Or he does nothing and you decide that your life shouldn’t be one which involves acting as a maid for someone who apparently loves you, and you leave.

Nipping it in the bud means laying out your expectations as soon as the behaviour becomes problematic. Sometimes it’s a creep of expectation (being ‘out with the lads’ goes from once a month to every weekend night, for example), sometimes it’s because your circumstances change (you move in together or have a child or similar). But ultimately it’s all about making sure you’re articulating your needs before it becomes entrenched behaviour.

He called you "lucky"? The audacity of him. Does he think it makes him a better man for acting like a grown up?

Shakes head