Struggling with boundaries with family member

[LeafBook]

Hi everyone,

I’m having a difficult time with a family member who recently started reaching out after a long period of little to no contact. They want to meet and talk, but the way they’re going about it is stressful for me.

They’ve been phoning repeatedly, dropping by unannounced, and even asking other relatives about my schedule when I don’t respond right away. I’m already under a lot of pressure with work and family responsibilities, and I need my downtime to rest. This sudden surge of attention feels overwhelming and intrusive, especially since they hadn’t been involved much before now.

I’ve tried to set a boundary by politely telling them I’m busy and will reach out when things settle, but they keep pushing and going through other family members to get to me. It’s causing me a lot of anxiety and I’m unsure how to handle it.

How do I maintain firm boundaries in this situation without creating even more family tension? Any advice would be appreciated.

Can’t you just text or call and ask them to contact you before they drop round?

If they don’t respond to you being polite then be firm! If they continue, then contact police re: harassment

Stop being polite and tell them you are feeling harassed by them and their behaviour is intrusive. If they continue you will draw back completely. Some people just need to be told, subtlety doesn’t work. Draw your lines and protect your own mental health.

Police.

This is the answer.

If you've requested it politely and there's no respect on their part for that, you will need to be firm and direct.

This person either does not care that they're bothering you and making things stressful for you, or they're not capable of behaving in a reasonable manner. Either way, you will have to tell them to back off and that you do not want them to contact you anymore. You will also need to tell other family members.

You need to accept that it will cause further tension.

This person wants me to meet but only on her terms, days and hours. I haven't seen her in years and she doesn't know much about me or my life or the summer I had.

Anyone who knows me knows to check in with me weeks in advance and I am looking at my schedule and I am honestly busy every weekend until the 3rd week of October approx. I work during the week as well.

Whoever she is, you are under no obligation whatsoever.

Tell her once more that you will contact her when you are able to, and you do not wish to be contacted. Tell your family to stay out of it.

If she continues you will have to block her.

I would be busy that weekend too. Ask her to put it on an email. Don't let her get to you like this.

I replied respectfully her earlier in the week apologising for missing her calls last weekend and I also told her my schedule is busy and I will be away at the weekend. She ignored my message and didn't respond to it but instead rang other members of.my.family requiring about my schedule. Nearly felt as if she was trying to catch me in a lie or something.

She has treated a close family member of mine as if she's a secretary to me who knows my schedule and work and nearly trying to force a metting through my closer family member. I stead of reading the message I sent her and reading that I am busy. Nearly as if I have to announce every minute of my job and schedule and places to go and people to see to my closer family member.

Make a date time to meet her. Presumably once she has that she will stop asking when would be goon to meet.

Good lord.
Do you want them back in your life?

Do you actually want this person back in your life? What you're writing would have me running a mile.

She's not asking me about when is a good time to meet though. She's calling unannounced, and ignored my message and went through another family member. I am looking at my schedule and I am geniunely bust with many weekends until well into October. I don't know if that's going to satisfy her.

No, not after this.

I'd be tempted to message the person, and all of your other friends/family they are in touch with and make it clear that you have no intention of meeting up with this person due to their harassing, almost stalker-like behaviour.

Agree.

Their behaviour is actually a good opportunity to remind yourself why you were distant in the first place and point out to the person that they are completely out of order:

'Following your recent behaviour, I have changed my mind and we will not be meeting up.
You don't listen when I say I'm busy.
You are harassing family to know where I am and treating X very badly.
Please stop calling and pressuring people to create meetings, as the only outcome will be you being disappointed or an argument'

Op just a message, something like look sorry but we both seem to be in different places, I know you’re desperate to meet up but I’m too busy and a bit stressed out. Talk to you soon, best of luck

Tell them in straight language to bloody fucking leave you alone !!!

Even here on this thread you are giving her way too much power. You really do not need to explain again and again and get people to agree with you that she's unreasonable. You don't need to justify it. The fact that you feel compelled to do so indicates that you're not in the right place to do this with her right now.

Tell her to stop and tell your family members to tell her to go away. And if they won't, just ignore them when they try to talk about it or tell you what this person has done/said or enquired about.

Do not say sorry to her. Is she sorry for harassing you??

So offer two dates that suit you in mid-October??? If she doesn’t like it or wants to meet earlier you deal with that. I think you are being unnecessarily awkward stringing her along. Be more assertive and decisive.

Seems like she is harassing this other family member as well. Have you discussed it with them? They are probably getting really cheesed off with her constantly asking about you and your schedule / whereabouts.

@TwelvePercent 100%

Ask them what they want and get it over with