Stick at two or have the third?

[BridetoBee]

I’m unexpectedly pregnant with a third, money is already tight and children are older (mid primary). Im 35 so there’s also that to consider! I’m being told it’s completely my decision but am constantly swinging between no let’s stick at 2 or we could make it work and having the third. What would you do? Any experiences of a third with older children?

I have 3. There is 8 years between the eldest and youngest. It's hard. With family activities. I feel pulled in lots of direction. I love having three but it's hard.

I wasn't sure but OH was excited so cemented it for me.

There isn't a right answer

I had a third with a 6 and 8 year old. It’s been great, they love her. I’ve seen a nurturing side to them hi hadn’t seen before.

But it has been tight financially during the first year. Things are improving though and I wouldn’t swap her for the world. Good luck with whatever you decide. I know it’s not easy.

The first year is very difficult but then it gets so much better. I have three under five, and I was one of three growing up. I think three is fantastic as there is always someone to play with or chat to, and you'll get the 1:1 time with the youngest whilst the others are at school, nursery costs are spread out more, and with the third you're so confident as a parent that is easier to just enjoy each stage.

Everyone tells me when they hit secondary school they get more expensive.

You mean to say your partner has basically just shrugged and said “totally your decision” and given no indication as to his thoughts?

I don’t think being 35 is really a factor to consider, given the average age of having even a first baby is over 30.

How big is the age gap? I think there is a big obsession with siblings being very close in age at the moment, but I don’t think it needs to be expected they’re all into the same thing all the time or they’ll have no relationship.

Can you deal with starting again and getting through the baby years and all that brings - and do you have capacity for an extra child at all ages beyond that.

Given you are already pregnant, and no major issues to say no - I’d probably just go for it, or always wonder.

What does “money is already tight” look like In practise?

How ‘tight’ are things financially? Do you have enough room, time etc for another child?

Children get expensive when they get to senior age, then college & university. If money is tight that would be the deciding factor for me.

Life is going to get more difficult for several more years. The economy, the cost of living. It will take the next parliament to work through the debt that the country has.
We only had two children, it was tempting because there are larger families in our cousins. So very pleased at our decision.

Best Wishes OP.

If money is already tight with two, I think it would be incredibly unfair to have a third.

Imagine your family 5 years from now. Does the picture of three kids feel right.Talk honestly with your partner about the financial side.

It is hard, your older (I was 37) more pulled with older and younger ones needing different things. I found I have less time to older two than I would have liked.
I love ds and it was our choice entirely but life is a lot harder now. But if we hadn’t had him I would probably be grieving the loss of what could have been.