Tell me to woman ♀️ up

[Imtheghostofchristmaspast]

I need a good talking to and that I can do this.

I have to go to a work event tomorrow with loads of customers and competitors present I'm gone until Sunday but I'm feeling so anxious about it I'm getting palpitations I honestly just want to hide.

I think I'm probably close to burnout the difficulty is I actually can't just step back and I need to keep going but I obviously need to be careful not to drive myself into the ground.

So I suppose I need strategies to help me manage my stress.

I'm a company Director and also representing a trade association. So not going is not an option unless I was actually Ill. Although I suppose I could fake something like a stomach bug although then I would hate myself for it.

So a bit of background

I'm probably peri menopausal as I'm 50.

The last 10 years have been a rollercoaster of stress.

Best friend was a main witness in a trial and became suicidal I supported her through it but it was frightening seeing someone so close to the edge.

My not DB has slipped into alcoholism and is an absolute arse including causing drama at family events I'm very low contact.

Realised DM enables much of his behaviour and has always been eccentric and rather immature she is getting worse with age won't accept help and is probably going to lose her crumbling house because she refuses to sell it but her outgoings are double her pension.

DS is 10 he's been a hyperactive bundle of joy since birth he has textbook ADHD and really struggles with emotional regulation and sleeping. So had 10 years of interrupted sleep he's getting gradually better with the sleep.

DD was diagnosed with autism not long after DS was born she's good now but we had some very rocky times with her which involved moving her to a private SEN school.

Other DS was diagnosed with ADHD only a few years ago he hid it well and it is very much internal but with meltdowns as well, during his A levels recently he became really bad and I hid all the drugs in the house as I was that concerned about suicide attempts. Luckily he's pulled through and off to university.

DH has had a health scare plus struggling with everything we've been through which has triggered him to get counselling about his horrific childhood.

Plus he's been very stressed about money DD school is costing more than our mortgage and taking everything spare, although she's not got long left.

To top it all I am running my family business it gives me a good income but is really stressful the previous generation suffered from the complacency of we are making money so all good but never updated anything the culture, HR, accounting, stock,CRM, production, HSE have all needed either systems and or processes introducing and all needed doing during Covid when everything went to hell.

The business is on the edge we could pull it round but I also might be jobless by Christmas, I'm the main earner by miles DH works PT to be around for the kids.

Obviously some employees have not been very happy with more professional processes including losing the ability to steal, I actually think there might have been some major stealing going on but have never been able to prove it.

So as a result of that I got abusive reviews written anonymously via our employee feedback, on SM and on indeed.

Oh and to top it all I've had a couple of customers be really nasty recently when something has gone wrong launching into personal attacks that were disproportionate to the problem.

I probably have ADHD too I have always struggled with transitions I know this anxiety is just that.

If you've got this far sorry for the trauma dump and tell me put your big girl pants 🩲 on and get to that event tomorrow.

It sounds tough op. I think you need self care not big pants! Can you try grounding techniques/mindfulness to help your anxiety. That would be a start? Take a day at a time would be my advice.Do you ever do anything for you. I empathise also had 10 years of interrupted sleep for similar reasons it did improve massively though.

Thanks for the kind words @Yellowview I don't really and know I should I'm so overwhelmed I don't but know it would make me feel better. So my own worse enemy.

I will try to though.

Are you on HRT? I’m not saying it’s a salve to every ill, but it helped reduce my sense of overwhelm and anxiety. I feel stressed reading your post, you have a lot on your plate.

Ouch I feel for you. I hate, hate, hate work events where I have to interact with people I barely know. (& have been told I need to get an ASD/ADHD diagnosis sorted).

A trick that works for me is that I have ‘Professional MedievalNun’ and ‘Personal MedievalNun’

Professional me can be calmly talking with colleagues / clients about the job, as I know it inside out. Personal me will be hiding in a corner somewhere inside my mind. Then when I can get some down time, Personal me comes out, lets out the huge breath and thanks the professional for holding the fort. Apparently it takes some skill in noticing the switch but a couple of colleagues have learned to spot the change over and have become adept at steering troublesome clients away if I seem to be frozen.

It does help me; it means I compartmentalise and only get to focus on one problem at a time - but that has the added help of making whichever problem has been ‘boxed’ seem a little less stressful when it’s taken back out.

On the business front, if the reviews are that personal and you have insurance you might be able to get legal advice on having them removed.

Good luck x

Urrrgghhh work events. Networking sucks.
Now my tactic, which is deeply unprofessional, is to hide. Or be very busy facilitating somewhere else.

You sound like you've pretty much spent 10 years on a hamster wheel of stress and fairly significant diagnoses/events.
I'm not surprised you feel burnt out. Maybe this event is just the final straw?

Will anyone be with you at the event? Could you lean on them a little bit, tell them you're not feeling great & could they lead as much as possible?

HRT is a good shout @zipmedown I do usually enjoy work events as get to go nice places and generally talk to interesting people I'm also well known so always someone I can chat to.

Although I always have to be the professional me and kind do similar to you @MedievalNun although I do occasionally let my quirkiness out when talking about history or birds.

Thank you, yes it probably is the final straw.

Annoyingly my usual work plus one is not coming so I'm going with an inexperienced colleague who I'll have to support 🫣

Your actions are already working. Stop analysing and put all your focus onto doing, in steps, and calm yourself by explaining your steps to your colleague.
Once tomorrow is over contact your GP about HRT. It doesn't fix everything but in my experience (late 40s), I know to accept anything that helps me!

Good point @Enough4me and similar to what I tell my teens just do it don't think about it.

I hope today goes ok @Imtheghostofchristmaspast

Keep breathing. You can do this.

When it's done, come back & the wise women of MN can help you put a plan together for managing some of this stress.

I think after this you need to really put yourself first for some TLC, go to a Dr and explain your situation as in your OP. If you're pouring from an empty cup and all that...well, you know.

I find having a goal can be energising as long as I have something nice lined up afterwards. You're obviously very successful already so you are more than capable of this and you just need to check this off the list before you can treat yourself to something amazing. Like some good food, a holiday, therapy and meds 😉

Oh and obviously, don't drink tonight - tempting as it may be. You need to treat your body super well in times of stress so you don't add to it!

This sounds incredibly stressful, good luck at your event today, can you see it as the last thing you have to do for a while and consciously prioritise yourself after this? Women are so prone to developing autoimmune conditions and other health problems when stressed. It sounds like you could do with purposefully taking at least 4 or 5 issues off your list for now, like your Mum, your DB, your husbands horrific childhood, to a certain extent your eldest son… Those people are all adults, they have responsibility for themselves as well as to look after you.

I did hypnotherapy when I burnt out, it was really helpful, but only because i knew things couldn’t go on the way they were.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I'm there but decided to get here late and just go to bed tonight ready for a busy day tomorrow, already seen some people I know he seemed happy to see me so that's nice.

Just sat in bed with a very unhealthy bar of chocolate 🍫

OP don't put off talking to the GP about stress/HRT just because this event is over and life is busy.
Look after yourself too.