DH hiding things

[ShoeCanRun]

Ok, so he’s not actually hiding them, but it feels like it!

DH and I have an excellent relationship. We both work full time, his work is based around a shift pattern, mine is 8-5ish. We have 2 DC age 4 and 5. On his ‘early’ weeks he leaves before the rest of us get up so I get DC ready and take them to school on my way to work. He then picks them up after school, and I get home a couple of hours later. Overall we’re about 50/50 with childcare/housework/cooking. All good.

Except that far too often there is something I can’t find in the morning. Today it was their shoes (we have a shoe rack, but they weren’t there). Yesterday it was DC2’s school bag and coat (we have a coat stand, but they weren’t there). How difficult can it possibly be to make sure things get put back in the right place when they get back from school? I frequently resort to phoning DH at work to find out where something is. He’s always extremely apologetic and promises not to do it again. But he doesn’t seem to realise quite how stressful it is trying to get everyone out of the house on time when a shoe is under the sofa, a reading book is in a swimming bag, or a water bottle is under a car seat.

Oh Marvellous Minds of Mumsnet, what can I do to get this to change? I’m sure he’s not doing it on purpose, but I don’t want to resign myself to a nightly hunt for everything ready for the following morning. Why should I have to? Help!

As I was told when I started teaching, you've got to make it harder for him to get it wrong than to get it right. So every single time something is in the wrong place, phone him to ask him where it is. Or make him go and check everything is in the right place the night before. Eventually he'll learn to get it right first time.

When you get in, ask him to show you where the stuff is. Anything that’s not in the right place, he finds and puts away. You’ll only need to do it a couple of times.

Getting stuff ready for school tomorrow is a pretty standard routine.

Yes, get everything ready for the next morning the night before. Get DCs involved - get them to <age appropriately> to assemble what they need, lunches in boxes in fridge, homework, PE kit, shoes (are they clean? if not clean them) get it all out & put in one place ready for the morning.

I still do this when I have to go into the office - I'm a hybrid worker & WFH one day a week, but office two days. My lunch is ready for me in the fridge, milk for my tea in a bottle, my clothes for tomorrow all ready (including undies), bag packed, phone charged all ready for me to just go tomorrow.

But why should this be down to me when DH is the one that’s brought them home? They get free school meals, so no lunches to worry about, it’s only a case of making sure that everything that comes home gets put in its place ready for the next day. I manage this just fine when I’m the one picking them up from school and DH is doing the morning school run.

It’s not down to you. However you are the one experiencing the problem. The way to resolve it is to make it his problem. Get him involved in the tea time routine about getting stuff ready for school. Either on his own or with the dc.

The only other way is for him to do the morning run after his after school run, so he feels the pain.