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Original poster

My sister wants my son to babysit hers

27 replies

Anuta77 · 08/09/2025 18:59

So my sister is a single mother (no father in the picture). She's starting some course once per week and has proposed to my 17 year old son to babysit my nephew (5) from 6 pm to 10 pm, which involves putting him to sleep. She offered to pay him. She's a really difficult person, I even suspect narcissism or mental health issues. We are not on speaking terms right now (after insulting me and lashing out at me for I don't even know what exactly) and she obviously didn't discuss this with me.

My son has no experience babysitting, let alone putting a child to sleep. He already works on weekends in a grocery store. He has a class early morning the next day and he's one of these people who needs to sleep more than 8 hours and who dislikes to wake up early. He oftens tells me that he's tired.

Normally, my 76 year old mom was babysitting my nephew, but she has arthritis and has trouble walking. So my son is the replacement. Also, my son stays at my mom's (15-20 min away) because she lives closer to the college than us (another town), so he won't be going to sleep before 11 pm or later. She might offer that he sleeps in her flat, but she has cats and he's allergic.

When my mom was taking care of my nephew, my sister lashed out at her several times if my mom didn't do things the way my sister wanted (for example, gave him food before sleeping instead of recognizing that asking for food was just an excuse to delay sleeping) and my mom was really upset with her several times. I don't know if my sister will dare getting upset with my son who has no idea about childrearing. I'm also worried that she'll rely on my son way too much (like to babysit her son for some outings too) and ask for more and my son will feel bad saying no.

I just don't think that being involved with her is a good idea. She can hire a babysitter, but I guess she's counting on my son feeling bad to ever saying no or bailing out like babisitters do. Or maybe it's a power play to show me that even if I don't talk to her, she will still have a relationship with my son? I don't know. AIBU?

OP posts:
EmpressoftheMundane · 08/09/2025 19:02

Say no. He is already juggling school work and a part time job. He has enough on his plate.

Original poster
Anuta77 · 08/09/2025 20:11

EmpressoftheMundane · 08/09/2025 19:02

Say no. He is already juggling school work and a part time job. He has enough on his plate.

My mother (and I guess my sister also) think that it's not a big deal because after my nephew goes to sleep, my son can just study until she comes home, but what worries me more is being now formally attached to her and while until now, she's always been nice to my son, she doesn't hesitate being rude to me or my mom (but she always apologizes to her, because she needs her to babysit her son).

OP posts:
EmpressaurusKitty · 08/09/2025 20:13

If he’s allergic to your sister’s cats surely that’s a good reason in itself for him not to spend much time there.

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17 years old Families
ComfortFoodCafe · 08/09/2025 20:13

On the sleep reasons & early class next day I would say no.

EmpressoftheMundane · 08/09/2025 20:15

Sounds like there is more in it for them than him. They are doing all the convincing. If it’s is so great, it should be easy to find someone else who will jump at the chance.

InfoSecInTheCity · 08/09/2025 20:16

He can just say no because he doesn’t want to do it and isn’t obligated to, he doesn’t need a good reason or excuse for her, just to stand firm but polite in his response.

Lavender14 · 08/09/2025 20:18

I'd say no. He's 17, big year in school and that means late nights. Plus if she's unstable and lashes out then I wouldn't have him around her even at 17 he's still a child. Is she safe around her own child if she's that unpredictable?

arcticpandas · 08/09/2025 20:19

EmpressaurusKitty · 08/09/2025 20:13

If he’s allergic to your sister’s cats surely that’s a good reason in itself for him not to spend much time there.

This. You got the perfect excuse to say no. But I would say no because it's in the week and he needs to study and sleep and also he's allergic to your cats anyway.

You need to protect him from her if she's volatile.

sesquipedalian · 08/09/2025 20:23

OP, just no. It’s all very convenient for your sister, but it just doesn’t work for your DS. Frankly, I’d be amazed if it would work for the five year old - he’s still well young to be put to bed by a male cousin with no experience of babysitting. I think your sister is being V unreasonable, and also rather uncaring of her child - she needs to delay her course until her child is older.

BuddyGiveOver · 08/09/2025 20:27

If they're refusing to see what the "big deal" is, just say it's because of his work commitments, cat allergy and studying. Don't go into her being a narcissist etc.

It should definitely be a no. If she's willing to pay your son, she can pay someone else instead

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/09/2025 20:31

He doesn’t want to and you have various reasons to say no so just say no.

Shinyandnew1 · 08/09/2025 20:33

It's completely reasonable for you or him to say no.

He's allergic to her cats (best reason).
He's busy.
He doesn't want to.

Whatever.

Harder if he's staying at your mum's overnight and she wants him to do it though!

Pollqueen · 08/09/2025 20:34

Just say no. Short of holding a gun to his head, what can she do? Not sure why this is a huge problem for you/your son

frockandcrocs · 08/09/2025 20:52

No is a full sentence.
I’ve learned that when you make excuses (even very valid ones!) narcissists will find a way to make you unreasonable. If he doesn’t feel comfortable saying no, then you need to, regardless of the current speaking terms.

Silverbirchleaf · 08/09/2025 21:03

Its a school night, so no. Don’t let your sister decide what your son can and cannot do.

if she’s willing to pay, then there bound to be a school mum who can help her out.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 08/09/2025 21:05

No no no.

Walkerzoo · 08/09/2025 21:07

Just say no.

And to say in my situation with teenage boys I would absolutely be saying no, without the need to ask on this forum

LynetteScavo · 08/09/2025 21:10

Absolutely not on a college night. He’s old enough to say no to her directly.

DorothyStorm · 08/09/2025 21:14

Anuta77 · 08/09/2025 20:11

My mother (and I guess my sister also) think that it's not a big deal because after my nephew goes to sleep, my son can just study until she comes home, but what worries me more is being now formally attached to her and while until now, she's always been nice to my son, she doesn't hesitate being rude to me or my mom (but she always apologizes to her, because she needs her to babysit her son).

Show quote history

I dont understand why this is even a question. He doesnt want to do it. Say no.

chunkybear · 08/09/2025 21:16

Honestly, say no. She’ll end up taking the piss, going out for coffee or drinks after because it’ll suit her, and your son will be the one suffering with tiredness and being put upon

Original poster
Anuta77 · 08/09/2025 22:16

Lavender14 · 08/09/2025 20:18

I'd say no. He's 17, big year in school and that means late nights. Plus if she's unstable and lashes out then I wouldn't have him around her even at 17 he's still a child. Is she safe around her own child if she's that unpredictable?

She admits yelling at her son, but she loves him to death. However, because she loves him, if something is not done to her liking, it could mean problems for my son. At least, that was her issue with my mom.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anuta77 · 08/09/2025 22:18

Pollqueen · 08/09/2025 20:34

Just say no. Short of holding a gun to his head, what can she do? Not sure why this is a huge problem for you/your son

My son respects her and looks like she used convincing tactics, like saying that he can study after he puts her son to sleep (meaning that she anticipated the study excuse).

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 09/09/2025 00:15

On paper, it seems a pretty sensible deal all round.
A 17 yr old babysitting a 5 yr old cousin for money as a regular gig, when it wouldn't be late. All of mine would have leapt at it at that age.

BUT you then go on to list about 8 reasons why it couldn't possibly work for your ds.
So, not sure why you are even asking us.

Shinyandnew1 · 09/09/2025 07:06

My son respects her

Your son respects someone who lashes out at you, now isn't talking to you and shouts at her kids?

ThrowingPebblesAtTheMoon · 09/09/2025 08:50

What does your son want to do? He's 17, so I'm not surprised your sister asked him directly rather than you. It's only one night a week - it's for him to decide, surely?