Reception starts tomorrow and 4yo DS has cried all day…

[Birthoptionss]

Help!

DS is starting Recently tomorrow (settling in week so he will only be there for a few hours).

Today the reality of it has clearly hit and out of nowhere he is crying on/off and practically begging me not to go. He is very shy and keeps saying he doesn’t want to go and doesn’t want me to leave him there.

He has a few friends in his class from nursery which I keep telling him. I’ve been really hyping it up, particularly today but now at the point where I’m like… what on earth is tomorrow morning going to be like?!

Any advice?!

What have you been hyping up OP?
The fact that your DS has some little friends that he knows and that will be there too?
One of my DS's was very shy too, but I don't recall any upset either prior to him going or afterwards.
Every child is different but some take to heart more seriously if parents prepare them in ways that seem sensible caring and logical to them but may he received as mummy won't be with you ,mummy will leave you, mummy will see you later, which to a young child doesn't have the meaning it would to an older child more aware of time.
Perhaps your DS has picked up on your own anxiety , well masked I'm sure, about him being somewhere without you for a number of hours.
I'm sorry your DS is so worried, and this is going to be hard for you both.
You won't be the only mum and young child that is going through this.
It's like anything that happens for the first time, even a trip to the dentist, lots of cuddles lots of smiles , and go into the experience with positivity, and hopefully your child will be made to feel comfortable by an experienced, caring teacher, and recognizing other little friends will surely help. I hope it all goes well for you both.

If it helps, the summer before my DD started school was awful. She completely regressed, bawling at bedtime, constantly all over me like a rash. Once she started school she loved it, just gone bouncing into Year 1.

I think there's only so much you can do as a parent to manage such a big change. Just be there with a big hug once he's finished, and bear with all of the tantrums etc. afterwards as they process the big feelings.

On a practical level - take a snack, snacks honestly make a huge difference in the number of post-school tantrums.

Ah the poor thing. That's really stressful for you. I'd advise no fanfare tomorrow, no photos or fussing and only one parent do the drop off. You can take photos at collection time. Maybe use something old and familiar so it's not all new in one day, like shoes or pencil case. You could leave a little I love you note in his pencil case or lunch box.

I know it's heartbreaking but you can't indulge it tomorrow, you'll have to tell him to stop the crying and he needs to be a big boy and go to school like everyone else. Good luck xx

Ds1 now 18, was very much like this. He cried most days when I dropped him off. Nursery / teachers reassured me he settled very quickly once I left each day. DD is two years younger and when she started school I used to have to drop her first and then still wait with ds1 until 9am 🤦🏻‍♀️😂
it’s very overwhelming for them to have such a change to their routine. They do settle down quite quickly though, so hopefully he’ll get used to it. Just be prepared for him to be tired by Fridays!

Bless him x

He will be fine once he is there, the teachers are well trained in how to handle them. DD went through a clingy stage, and they took her off me and whispered to me - just wait around the corner and listen. As soon as I was out of sight, DD stopped crying and went off happily with the staff.

I remember walking home with DD on her first day and I said, "did you have a good day?" and she said, "I had lots of fun, but I'm not going back" .

It’s so difficult for them and you. DS is now a very confident 16 year old but I remember the reception year like it was yesterday. He cried every morning for 6 months, it broke my heart but they do get through it.

I used to ‘put a kiss’ in DSs pocket for when he needed it.

Best of luck and I hope tomorrow goes quickly for you, it’s gut wrenching.

You need to be positive and make him feel like it’s an exciting thing.

Firstly please don’t blame yourself. Someone on mn will always turn it around in a way that they were perfect parent and you are not.
My first one was really excited to go but was not keen on going the next day.
My middle one cried the whole day the day before. I cried all morning. When I picked her up at lunch she came skipping out. The teacher told me mine had been helping with the little ones, which tickled me as she was the youngest in the class.
The third one used to cry big tears, silently on the way there but was mostly fine once we arrived. There were a few days when he had a “ tummy ache” but otherwise he loved it.
Good luck to both of you

Our DD started reception and got quite worried and upset even though she had been at the school for a year previously in full time nursery, with most of her nursery peers going to reception also. It’s a lot for them to process and change is scary for most of us. We kept consistent with what we were telling her and on the first day she cried but the staff were great and whisked her in. No worries going forward. For her the 6 weeks off is what upset her.

Try not to show any negative emotion yourself even if you feel upset. Let the staff support him and try to leave as soon as possible because prolonged goodbyes make it worse and he can then start to settle down. It may take him longer but he will settle eventually.

I expect your hard sell has made him anxious. You should have treated it more like an ordinary dull event. I don't know what to suggest now except to calm down.

Good luck

Stay calm and factual about when you’ll pick him up etc.

Make sure he knows that he will come home again after going to school!