First swimming lesson

[Oatsamazing]

Hi all, thanks for reading. I took my daughter for her first swimming lesson today, we've been to the local learner pool a lot but she hasn't ever intentionally submerged her face in the water and I haven't pushed her to. At the lesson she was asked to attempt to swim the width of the pool with a noodle with a teacher's support, this was fine. But then they asked her to do a move, pushing off from the side of the pool which involved her face going under the water. This was swimming towards the teacher who was just out of arm's reach.The first time she tried she kept her head above water and the teacher said not to hold her head up. She tried two more times and went under both times, at this point I stood up and politely said to the teacher that she had no experience of putting her face in the water, I thought it was too much too soon but didn't actually say that. They did another length of the pool and then my daughter got herself out of the pool and came to me crying, she said she needed the toilet so I took her and she was crying for some time and asked to leave and never come back. She's 4 years old, 5 in October. I just wondered what others thoughts were about what this first lesson involved? Was it too much for a first lesson? I thought they would slowly learn to submerge faces by blowing bubbles. I'm annoyed as I doubt she will go back for another lesson and I've had to pay quite a bit in advance, I went for a pricier swimming school as I thought they would be more gentle with her.

I suspect your daughter has picked up on your anxiety. It would have been better to leave the teacher to get on with it.
IME swimming lessons put a lot of focus on kids putting their faces/whole heads in the water.

I agree with the PP she absolutely seemed to be picking up on your anxiety. Putting their face in the water is a very basic skill necessary in swimming and I'm sure she would have been fine if you hadn't made a big deal out of it.

I would encourage her to practice getting her face in the water in the bath and take her back next week but this time try not to interrupt the lesson and make her think there is something wrong or something she needs to worry about.

It depends on the swim school - at ours the kids have usually been there since they were babies/toddlers so the classes for 4 year old wouldn't be focused on getting their faces wet. But if it is a swim school that doesn't have a younger section then they'd probably more likely start with the basics. If she was able to swim confidently with a float they probably didn't think twice about her being worried about putting her face in. Did they ask about her experience before she started? Hope you can move past it with her.

If you had just kept quiet and allowed the trained swimming teacher to do tbeir job she would have been fine. You interrupting the lesson to speak to the teacher probably made her think it was something to worry about.

Putting your face in/head under is skill number one at swimming. If you do baby swim lessons it's 90% dunking them in and pouring water over their faces. It sounds like they didn't realise that she's an absolute beginner. My DC is the same age and in her class they all swim under water, dive down to get stuff and jump in etc every lesson.

I would work on getting her to blow bubbles etc. in the bath over the next week and then speak to the teacher at the start of the lesson to explain the situation. Don't let her drop out.

It’s relatively unusual to have never put her face in at almost 5 years old. Whether that’s water babies where they dunk them under, preschooler lessons or even just jumping in with armbands would cause the head to briefly go under. I bet the swim teacher just didn’t consider it. Personally I would not have interrupted because it probably made it worse. I’d just try to practice in the bath this week by sinking some toys and letting her wear goggles then be bright and breezy ahead of next week’s lesson. Then don’t interrupt. The instructor will call you over if you’re actually needed.

I agree you should have just kept quiet and let the swimming teacher do their thing.

Take your daughter back next week and explain that learning to swim is very important and that once she's used to it it will be fun. Brook no argument about it.

My son cried during his swimming lessons for about the first 6 weeks. We went to the pool together as a family each weekend in addition to the lessons. He's now fearless and loves swimming. But if we'd allowed him to quit after one week he'd still be scared of the water.

If you don’t trust the teachers, you need to have a proper go at teaching her yourself.

If you want her to swim, she needs to get her face wet.

Your DD pitcher head under. She had a problem because you suggested it was.

Why do that?

children who aren’t ready to out their face in don’t - even when asked to. Same with jumping in etc.

To be fair to the OP, State 1 on the Swim England pathway is basically about gaining confidence putting your face in the water so no, they don't necessarily have to do it on lesson one. Ours started with lots of watering cans being sprinkled from above and fun splashing whilst children were moving across the pool. A lot of children could start with Stage 2 if they've done lots of splashy playing with parents but some need that Stage 1. All children are different - my husband and I are both keen, confident swimmers who took ours from babies but one would only put her head in after formal swimming lessons whilst the other didn't have any issues. Stage 1 at age 4 is pretty much what OP describes expecting - blowing bubbles etc.

Having said all that OP, mine wouldn't have had a choice about going back the following week. I'd play it down to them and make sure they knew to just do their best.

I think the teacher may not have realised that your DD never had formal swimming lessons. That’s quite unusual at that age.

Sit down and explain that putting the face Iin The water is important, make a game of it in the bathtub and go to the pool as well with her.

DD was a toddler but could understand that mummy can’t do it as she wears glasses and can’t see without them, a 4 year old shouldn’t have a problem unless you make it one.

And please, keep any conversation with a teacher outside the class, email, phone but never when your child can listen. I am actually surprised that at that age you were allowed to attend.

Thanks for feedback everyone, I appreciate it

My 6 yo is encouraged to put his face in the water during lessons and, while he’s happy to now, they’re never forced to do it. They’re asked to at every lesson and DS gradually built up the confidence.

I don’t know any children who went to swimming lessons before the age of 4/5 so what you’re describing doesn’t seem unusual but she needs lots of positivity from you and she’ll get there. I gave DS goggles to use in the bath at home and that’s what cracked it for us. We realised he was worried about submerging his ears!

I’m going to go against the majority of replies here. Plenty of 4yos haven’t had formal swimming lessons, in fact the majority of my DD1’s peers (she is 6) have only started in the last year, so it’s not unusual at all to have a 4yo who not only hasn’t had lessons but may not have much experience of going to the pool in general. And at her swimming lessons, they were taught how to put their heads under water and the correct technique etc before being expected to do it. But these are private low-ratio lessons. At the council lessons it was every kid for themselves.

It sounds poorly run honestly and no child should leave their first swimming lesson having had a bad experience, crying and not wanting to go back because they were being told to do something they haven’t learned yet.

My DS did swimming lessons from age 2. (Would have started him younger but COVID delayed things, 2-3 it was parent & child lessons). At 4.5 he still didn't like putting his face in the water. He got stuck and we had to take a break with lessons, as we weren't getting anywhere. It does seem like quite a lot for her first lesson. I've seen many kids refuse to even get in the pool week 1.

I'd put a lot of money on the statements like 'it's unusual not to have had swimming lessons before age 4' to be untrue for the majority of children, particularly outwith affluent areas. I've taught Y4 classes of 30 where one child has had formal swimming lessons. Stage 1 lessons are full of 4-6 year olds in my very middle-of-the-road town.

I think that sounds like a lot for a first lesson if she's never even put her face in the water but not out of the ordinary for what I'd expect. I know it's hard but I wouldn't have stepped in while they were teaching.

If you really think she can't put her face in the water then it's probably something you need to work on together as part of getting comfortable in the water. Being able to put her face in the water is pretty fundamental so either you work on it with her or you allow them to.

I would speak to the school and ask then what their expectations are of what children should be able to do as it may be that it would be better to keep taking her yourself for a while longer and build up her confidence.

I can't swim for toffee so my daughter did Water Babies etc. from when she was a baby for years. Honestly we had about 3 months as a toddler where she hated it and then suddenly it clicked and she made a massive leap in confidence and has never looked back. I wouldn't give up or be too downhearted after one lesson.

I am a swimming teacher.

the absolute first thing to teach is head under. It’s a really simple premise, if you can put your head under, you can swim without aids. They’re not needed as your body is in the right position. Lesson 1.

I have 20 years experience, a waiting list a mile long, parents love my ‘get on with it (nicely)’ attitude. You get far better results than making a huge fuss of putting your head under.

I would never ever teach in any pool that allowed parents poolside. What you did op, was the worst possible thing you could have done. Leave the experts to it. Always. I don’t know why but swimming seems to be a lesson that non-teachers get involved in. Can you imagine a parent sitting at the back of a maths class advising the teacher how best to teach?!?

My 4 year old has recently started swimming lessons. First lesson went really well, however the second lesson she dunked his head in twice and now he refused to get in the pool. He’s afraid and I’m really annoyed as I think she’s massively set him back. I hate swimming, so it’s not something I’ve done hence taking him to lessons! I’m just as annoyed and would be cross if I was you too.

Swimming teaching is getting harder and harder because of the increasing number of children who are absolutely petrified of putting their face under.
and they only learn that fear from their parent.

Crikey @Louoby, the teacher dunked her head?!? That’s shocking. Where’s the consent?!? Maybe I’ll take back what I said upthread about trusting the teacher!

You shouldn’t interrupt the teacher while mid flow. The time to have a chat was at the start of the lesson. You could have easily said it was lesson no.1 at that point. At one of the leisure centres my children learnt they asked that children had developed some water confidence before starting stage 1 including getting their head wet. Lots of kids will have done swimming from being tiny and are ready to move pretty quickly though stage 1. I think my youngest skipped it all together as she’d done pre-school swim lessons but the range will be surprisingly big in stage 1.

Our child wasn't petrified but she absolutely wouldn't do it for fun and I don't see how that could be because of us. I swim lengths underwater every time I go to the pool; I do handstands; I am a strong swimmer myself and trained as a lifeguard at 16; I took the children swimming as babies regularly; we had weeks abroad swimming every day and weekends at Center Parcs. In short, we exuded nothing but enthusiasm for water. I was completely surprised to have a child who wouldn't jump in etc. She did it very quickly in swimming lessons, probably because she is a rule follower, but not for us prior to that.

Not necessarily. I love swimming. My eldest DD is part fish. My youngest has taken ages to put his face in. As a 2yo it took most of a year for him to jump in (with me right there). He then had 1.5 years of lessons without me. He will happily get splashed now but still won't put his face in to swim. Yes it has held his swimming back, but it's nothing we have done! He had one lesson with a new teacher, who shouted at him throughout to 'put his face in' and that didn't work either.

My nephew (age 2) screams every time he has his hair washed. My sister continues, but he still hates it. It's likely many of the anxious parents are anxious BECAUSE they know how their child tends to react, rather than being the cause. I did let the teacher 'get on with it' when she kept insisting my son put his head in, but I had to deal with his upset and worry for months afterwards, even once I switched him back to an earlier class.

Yep, my DD1 is very cautious and anxious around water but it hasn’t come from parents! DH has taken her swimming since very young, he is an absolute water baby, he can hold his breath underwater for over a minute, very strong and able swimmer. Swimming teacher said it’s mostly a personality/temperament thing. Some children just have more switched on survival instincts; putting your head underwater is something that gets your brain saying no! And for some children that no voice is very strong. She’s great underwater now but a class like the one in the OP would probably have put her off swimming for a very long time. And this is a child who goes on massive rollercoasters and thinks they are hilarious.

Interestingly I am the same, hence why it’s always been DH taking DD1 swimming as I didn’t want her to pick it up from me. But turns out that didn’t matter as it’s just the way she’s wired!

DD2 is the opposite, probably too gung ho about it!