Would this bother you?

[livelaughtoasterbaff]

I’ve had a few bad experiences over the past 5 years or so which resulted in weight gain, poor self image and just generally not looking after myself the way I should. I lived in gym gear and big hoodies to try to hide my body. I had 3 or 4 basic outfits that felt ‘safe’ and that I would rotate for work and social occasions. I just totally lost myself. In hindsight, I was most probably suffering from depression.

Late last year, I had a bit of health scare which was like being jolted out of a nightmare. I realised I owed it to myself to start properly living again so I began to eat healthily, walked every day and took up a new hobby. Anyway, fast forward to now and I’ve lost 3.5 stone, have revamped my style and have a really fulfilling and active life. I finally feel like ‘me’ again.

My immediate family and closest friend have been so lovely and commented on the change in me (both physically and in terms of my mindset) but lots of other people in my life haven’t said a thing. Aunts and cousins who made pass agg remarks about my weight or clothes before have said absolutely nothing. Zero. Zilch. A friend who I see a lot of and is super into fitness is exactly the same. I met a few old workmates for lunch yesterday who I hadn’t seen for almost a year and although they were all visibly shocked when they saw me, none of them could even muster a ‘you’re looking well’. One of them made a comment about how I look less stressed but that was it. I don’t talk about dieting or exercise at all and I don’t post anything on social media so it’s not that they’re sick of hearing me go on as I never mention it!

I’ve always made an effort with their big life events, birthdays and gone to nights out even at my lowest. I’ve always been happy for them and celebrated their achievements and made a conscious effort to not let my own difficulties impact how I show up for others. So I didn’t disappear from their lives during my own struggles and pop up again when I felt and looked better. It’s not that I need their validation but I just find it a bit hurtful that they can’t even acknowledge that I’ve come out the other end of a really hard few years.

Gosh I didn’t think this post would be so long. I obviously just needed to vent!

Do it for you, not the comments, praise or reactions from other people. I know it’s nice to have your effort recognised but try not to rely on others for it. These days people are so much more wary of praising weight loss in case it’s due to illness.

I would never spontaneously comment on another person’s physical appearance.

I don't know what to say OP except bloody well done for looking after yourself better and yes, it's monumentally shit that people who should care about you can't even muster a 'you're looking well'. I realise that won't make you feel any better as it basically just confirms that they are indeed being shit but there's really no way to excuse it.

I can only put it down to jealousy or the kind of spite that means people can't be happy for someone else's success but either way it's them, not you. Please don't let it knock your positivity, it's fabulous that you've managed to pick yourself up and turn things around, maybe it's time to see less of these people

It's so difficult these days to tread the minefield that is personal comments on appearance, so like me, I suspect most people don't comment for fear of upsetting someone. Weight loss could be cancer or Mounjaro - who knows

Congratulations OP, what you have achieved due tto your decision to prioritise yourself and take care of yourself has really paid off very well for you and yes you should have been praised for your efforts and complimented on how well you look, especially from family and those you see most often.
Would it bother me? Yes, it would, but I'm old enough to consider the source, to realize there are many reasons why people are unwilling or unable to praise someone else for an achievement for whatever reason.
Try not to be hurt, try not to dwell on their lack of positive reaction, some people are just prone to to react negatively rather than positively, and there's nothing negative about what you have achieved for yourself!
You feel healthy you feel strong you feel good that's what you should be focusing on and keep up the good work!
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Forget those who can't manage to muster up some happiness for you.

I can only put it down to jealousy or the kind of spite that means people can't be happy for someone else's success but either way it's them, not you.
Or maybe they've got other stuff going on in their own life?
Or as above, they don't want to say anything because they didn't want to confirm that yes, you were over weight before?

I think it's a truism that we don't remark on peoples weight gain or loss. It's a bit of a minefield out there on that subject. I would have been going Ta-da 😀
Notice any difference ?
Well done you though, you must be proud of yourself, and deserve to be.

I understand that a lot people wouldn’t comment on anyone’s appearance positively or negatively but the family and friends I’m talking about absolutely would and do! As I said, there were many digs made when I was heavier, and a lot of pitying ‘poor you’ type comments.

I also categorically don’t look ill and they would be fully aware if I were.

Thank you Messyandconceited and repeatingabaselessclaim 💛

… as do I (have people in my life who comment) which is why I don’t. TBH I find the “wow you look great” comments as offensive as the “have you been eating pies?” comments. (I have lost weight and changed shape significantly over the last 3 years.) Take pride in the care you are taking of yourself and try to distance yourself from the commenters. Don’t play the game.

Hi OP

I think you just need to concentrate on those people who have been positive towards you. Like you said your closest friends and family have and with them being the closest to you surely they matter more than the rest.

Congratulations by the way on making those changes to your life🥳 it's really difficult to make those changes! Being active and being stronger is truly life changing and I am so pleased for you!

Just the other day someone posted about how sick they are of hearing “you look well!” when they clock her weight loss (I think it was a school run mum). Most vaguely socially contingent people know not to comment on appearances because you can’t know whether you’re inadvertently going to cause offense, whatever your intentions.

Sure @jonthebatiste but I doubt people who made disparaging remarks about my weight and appearance previously are refraining from commenting positively out of tact.

To be clear, I’m not relying on these people for praise or validation and my self worth doesn’t hinge on receiving compliments from them. I just think it’s a bit shitty that they felt comfortable making negative comments when I was at my lowest but can’t even say something like ‘I’m glad you’re feeling better’.

Thank you so much @Darby3785 And you’re right. I need to stop giving it and them so much headspace.

It's weird how some people just don't like other people to improve themselves or better themselves, but it says a lot more about them. It makes them feel better when you are bigger/unhappier but this just shows how insecure and jealous they are.

It sounds like you need to give yourself some space from these people until you can see what's what. It could be shining the light back on them too and their own weight/flaws. Some people are much happier when they think the problem is elsewhere! Being around passive aggressive people for too long can be wearing for anyone. Don't mind them and well done you for getting this far!!!! You can be proud of yourself. That must have taken a lot of hard work!