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Original poster

How long do you wait to be asked for a second date?

23 replies

Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 11:30

I went on a first date on Thursday. We had a great time, he was so nice and polite and I felt we had a good connection. Compared to other first dates I’ve had, this was high up there.

We talked about a second date and when we said goodbye, he said “see you again”. He did text me and I said thank you for a lovely evening. He responded and said he had a great time as well. However, since then, the chat has been virtually non-existent. This isn’t a huge change since pre-date - we didn’t message that much before meeting. However he planned the whole first date and now there is not a peep of a second one. He hasn’t asked me out again or suggested meeting up.

I don’t know whether to just write him off or give him a few more days to see if he asks me. I have asked guys before in the past for a second date who have portrayed similar behaviour and they have either ghosted me or said no (despite being very different in person). So, before you suggest, I don’t want to ask him because I am sick of chasing men!

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 07/09/2025 11:40

I would personally give up by now

everyone I have been out with where it’s led to further dates/relationship has contacted me that night/the next day as they want to keep the connection going even if they are not a constant texter

Original poster
Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 11:45

I don’t know whether to keep the chat going…

OP posts:
YetanotherNC25 · 07/09/2025 11:48

I’d give it a few more days. They might be busy at the weekend. But if by mid week they’ve not agreed a second date I’d be sacking off the dreary ‘how’s your day’ texts. You want a date not a pen pal.

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Original poster
Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 11:49

@YetanotherNC25 there’s nothing to even reply to his last message. He has asked no questions.

OP posts:
mothercanigo · 07/09/2025 11:51

I think you are absolutely right not to chase or ask him for a second date. Some see that as old fashioned but when a man is interested, he’ll let you know. It’s really that simple.

YetanotherNC25 · 07/09/2025 11:56

Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 11:49

@YetanotherNC25 there’s nothing to even reply to his last message. He has asked no questions.

There doesn’t always have to be a question, you could add to it by sharing something about yourself that’s connected.
But it’s harder work. Can you be bothered? You don’t sound keen. If he was interested you’d know.

Original poster
Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 12:02

@YetanotherNC25 I was really keen to see him again and he seemed so as well but I just feel like he’s pulling away. Honestly it baffles me so much, why do men act like this 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 12:21

Arghhh why do men act like this. It’s so confusing and demoralising

OP posts:
Original poster
Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 13:11

Anyone have any advice..? 😔

OP posts:
Tickledtrout · 07/09/2025 13:17

Move on. Any man who was interested in you will make it perfectly plain.

LondonLady1980 · 07/09/2025 13:21

If a man wants to see you again he makes it very clear.

If you're aren't a "Sex and the City" fan and therefore aren't aware of the, "He's just not that into you" scene, get yourself over to YouTube and search for it.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 07/09/2025 13:54

Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 12:21

Arghhh why do men act like this. It’s so confusing and demoralising

I don’t want to ask him because I am sick of chasing men!

Maybe he feels the same way?

I’d ask him, if I wanted to meet again.

But maybe he wasn’t feeling whatever he needs to feel.

Or maybe he feels he doesn’t want to be the only one organising things?

mothercanigo · 07/09/2025 13:59

Summersun56 · 07/09/2025 12:21

Arghhh why do men act like this. It’s so confusing and demoralising

My advice is to not waste time trying to figure out what’s going on in strangers’ heads. Like I said earlier, as have others, you won’t feel like this when you meet a man who is really interested. And I think you know that.

Laiste · 07/09/2025 14:22

If you're left wondering how he feels, it means he isn't feeling much.

IME men are chasers when they want something.

Id mentally move on. When and if he seems to sense this suddenly makes a move i'd play it very very cool and at some point squeeze in a mention of you not being one to wait around, play games or do any chasing.

Sameasever · 07/09/2025 14:28

This does happen and I would assume he wasn’t interested.

Having said that if you are impatient you could just ask him out yourself and be prepared for him to say no thanks.

Musicaltheatremum · 07/09/2025 14:30

Ask him! My husband said he got fed up of doing all the asking and he liked a woman who was keen enough to ask otherwise he felt she wasn't interested. It works both ways, decent men have similar thoughts to us re dating.

daisychain01 · 07/09/2025 14:33

We talked about a second date and when we said goodbye, he said “see you again”. He did text me and I said thank you for a lovely evening. He responded and said he had a great time as well.

difficult to know, but would it have made sense to have asked him when he texted you after the first date. It wouldn't have been forced, it would have just been in that context of saying you'd had a nice time. For example

yes I really enjoyed our date. We talked about meeting again, I'm away next week but do you fancy a meet-up the following week?

it would have probably given you a better sense of whether he wanted to continue seeing you. Had he ignored a direct comment or question then you'd have known for sure it was a dead duck.

the way he's left things dangling rather than saying thanks but no thanks, seems like he's just keeping you as an option.

daisychain01 · 07/09/2025 14:36

Laiste · 07/09/2025 14:22

If you're left wondering how he feels, it means he isn't feeling much.

IME men are chasers when they want something.

Id mentally move on. When and if he seems to sense this suddenly makes a move i'd play it very very cool and at some point squeeze in a mention of you not being one to wait around, play games or do any chasing.

When and if he seems to sense this suddenly makes a move i'd play it very very cool and at some point squeeze in a mention of you not being one to wait around, play games or do any chasing.

that would come across as quite arrogant. Best to say nothing and move on, if it gets to that extreme stage!

mondaytosunday · 07/09/2025 14:40

Give it a few more days. After my first date with my DH I didn’t hear from him for a week - he really was busy, had his kids over for part of it, etc. That second date really cemented things though and we were married a year later!

Easipeelerie · 07/09/2025 14:47

Just wait a few more days but in all likelihood, you won’t hear anything. Think of men as like potential house buyers - they’re very positive at the viewing, then you hear nothing.

WilfredsPies · 07/09/2025 14:51

He planned the whole first date. If he wanted to see you again, you’d know.

Laiste · 07/09/2025 15:00

daisychain01 · 07/09/2025 14:36

When and if he seems to sense this suddenly makes a move i'd play it very very cool and at some point squeeze in a mention of you not being one to wait around, play games or do any chasing.

that would come across as quite arrogant. Best to say nothing and move on, if it gets to that extreme stage!

Show quote history

You're right - but, hands up, i am quite arrogant 🤪🤣

daisychain01 · 09/09/2025 17:05

Laiste · 07/09/2025 15:00

You're right - but, hands up, i am quite arrogant 🤪🤣

Show quote history

Actually bloody well done, we need to find our arrogance! 🤣

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