Nostalgia, grief and The Summer I Turned Pretty

[Pirandello2404]

Name changed as I feel so embarrassed to be feeling like this about a teen show. I've been watching The Summer I Turned Pretty (a teen/ young adult love triangle drama between a girl and two brothers) and have been knocked sideways by huge feelings of nostalgia and such sadness it feels like grief. I've always found nostalgia difficult to manage- I get drawn to it very easily but it also feels so painful to be in it. I don't know what it is about this programme- maybe it reminds me of my childhood, or maybe it's because it's about intense feelings of love and friendship and I feel very lonely and unloved in my life (single parent with few friends). I'm finding myself binge watching the first two series whilst the third series is still on, and spending hours watching videos about the programme on social media. Help me! Does anyone else get like this? It feels so painful and sad and I hate feeling like this.

I'm so glad I found your post. It describes my feelings exactly - the mixture of nostalgia, but also an overwhelming, almost unbearable sense of grief and loss. I was saying to someone the other day, why does this programme make me so f*ing sad? Especially when it's supposed to be "escapism"! Perhaps it's just me dealing with past losses? I have lost a lot of people in my life.
But maybe it's also that I recognise so much of what happens in the show from my own early 20s, the desire, the confusion, the contradictions, wondering what the "right" choice is. And perhaps part of what you lose watching this show, with the vantage point of the future, is the sense that these moments are "leading" anywhere or have led anywhere in your own life, that there is a path leading from these early questions to a resolution or happy ending.

I know my post is really sad, but I think this show is more than "just" a teenage romance. (I also think that teenage romance is serious!)

@Eseyd I'm glad you found this thread too- it can be such a relief to know that others feel the same, especially when it's hard/ embarrassing to talk about irl. I think all the points you make are valid and will differ slightly for each person, but I do think that the thread of love and loss runs through most people's experiences. I find it interesting that I'm more emotionally invested in the first two series, and not so much in the last one where there is resolution and the happy ever after ending.

It's relatable OP I remember feeling like this after I watched Life on Mars. Took a while to stop thinking about it. Some things are probably just quite immersive. Also being a LP is hard so it's escapism.

OP I know this is a bit of an old post but I've been feeling the same way about this show! I was chatting with a friend and we agreed that it was something to do with the fact that we've now been married for quite a long time, our husbands are wonderful but we will probably never again have that feeling of intensity of really liking someone and not being sure if it was going to happen and then it does happen...

There's a song by the Ataris that I used to love when I was a teen and it has this line 'nothing could wrong anytime that I'm with you, like... leading up to that first kiss' (I've missed a bit out) and I think that also sums up that same feeling.

I too am a deeply nostalgic (neurotypical) person and I think it's all wrapped up together.

@totalwinwin I'm glad you found this thread! Also glad to hear you are able to talk to a friend about it, I think it can feel a bit embarrassing to feel this intensity of emotion over something which on the surface seems so superficial. I am pleased to report that my feelings of nostalgia are now much reduced (phew).

I know this thread is older now, so sorry to bring it back up. But I just found it and resonated so much with it! I am in my 30s, and I get so addicted to teen shows like this because even though I'm very happy with my life in general, I suffer with anxiety and depression, suspected autism, OCD... I watch these shows and get jealous of all the fun and romance and everything, I guess. I want to look up things about it constantly, watch fan videos ect, and I constantly think about it.

The thing is though, I don't enjoy doing it. I hate feeling this obsessed, and I actively try to fight it, but that makes it worse. And it doesn't just happen with TSITP - it happens with other shows (xo Kitty was another example, or the After series), and books. I never used to be this bad. I have always experienced fixations but they have become either more frequent or more intense since lockdown, when I started working from home and watched a lot more TV to keep me company during the days, since I'm working 40 hours a week in the house, alone.

Anyway, I don't want to get into a discussion on teams haha but for context, I was (and am) strongly Team Jeremiah, so I just refused to watch the final season. Every time I see anything about it, I get intense angry feelings in the pit of my stomach because I love that character so much. All the connections to Taylor Swift as well... I was heavily into her music while I was in my TSITP phase and now I can't listen to it anymore because I associate it with the show and now her music brings back up those feelings of anger, sadness, grief I guess. I also am so embarrassed by this. I don't think about it all the time but when it comes, it is really dysregulating. It has gotten so bad that I am avoiding watching shows or reading books that I know I will enjoy, because I can't bear to experience these strong emotions anymore. It is too exhausting :(