Anyone with experience of family Court?

[Whatslikelyhere]

Ex is taking me to court to see our dc (9 and 7).

I haven't got legal representation, I don't feel I need it as I'm not opposed to ex seeing them at all. Just have some things to iron out.

He wants the dc from 5 on Friday, I want him to pick them up from school.

Numerous reasons - older dc is autistic and it will benefit her to just go to his straight after school rather then me pick her up and then he picks her up from me, and also he is evading CMS atm, so if he picks them up I am able to work extra without worrying about picking up for his benefit, I have an older dc who has some serious health conditions and him hammering at my door and then shouting at the kids to get ready etc stresses my older one out a lot so I don't want him at my home.

Will the court see this as reasonable? Or am I expected to do all the running about to accommodate his wants?

To clarify my question, will the court just grant exactly what he wants, or take the whole picture into account and do whats best by the dc and me?

Why is he refusing to pick them up from school? Is it work?

Could they go to an after school club on a Friday and he could get them from there? Could he pay a babysitter to pick them up and take them to his home?

Seems really daft of him to go to court over something so small.

Sounds really reasonable, however you could get an order that says he collects from school and he can still refuse and just let you do it. Unfortunately this would not constitute a breach of a court order.

They will do what’s best for the children and both parents will have a chance to state their view.

His work, but I've had to accommodate the dcs hours around my schedule for years, he thinks I should still do that.

I said to get a childminder, and he said it's my job so I'm a bit stuck. There is no after school club here.

I'll obviously do it if I have to, but then my autistic dc will find it very difficult as she will settle here and then refuse to go with him, which upsets her and my older dc.

If he's late it wouldn't constitute a breach of order?

I assume if I'm late it would?

I'm really hoping they do what's best for all involved dc rather than either me or him, although there's no denying him picking up is handier for me, and him picking up is handier for him.

They will make a decision based on what is in the children's best interests so you need to frame your information around the children and their needs . For example collection from school is best because of the autism issues you identified and also you can earn more for the benefit of the children.

However, if he is unreliable would you trust him to collect the children from school - what would happen if you were working - would you risk your job if you had to leave to pick them up? Also, where would be the collection point when the children are on school holiday?

Have a think about contact at Xmas, Easter , Father's Day, the children's birthdays and holiday contact as he may raise all of those issues.

If you don't object to contact , the court may adjourn and refer you to family mediation to try and reach an agreement.

No it wouldn't. You can't withhold ordered contact from the other parent, either of you. However doing less than is ordered is not a breach, just shitty parenting.

The CAO lists the days and times that you will make the kids available for contact. There’s no legal repercussions for him if he’s late or doesn’t turn up.

I work for myself so it's not so much of an issue for me to get them, and I can be at the school within 5 minutes.

It's just distressing for dd to come home and then leave again, when she's here she wants to stay here. She kicks off and then her being loud and distressed sets off my older dcs health condition (can lead to seizures) so it's a real mess.

I stated already that during the holidays I will be able to drop them at the train station in my city to meet him (he lives 10 mins away on the train).

Previously I had dropped them at his, but he was often asleep and didn't answer the door and ended up missing whole weekends with them which was more distressing for the dc.

We initially looked at mediation but I couldn't afford £50 an hour (as I said he doesn't pay CM atm) and couldn't find a legal aid solicitor, so couldn't attend. He has framed this as me being unwilling to cooperate, and his solicitor has said me asking him to pick up the dc from school and I meet him at drop off is an 'elaborate rule'.

Xmas I used to drop them off at his for half the day, but the last couple of years I've said its his responsibility to collect and he just hasn't.

I'm not against him seeing them, I actually asked that he saw them slightly more (one day a week for a few hours after school so they weren't going 2 weeks without visits) and he declined, he also tells me he's taking them in the holidays 2 or 3 days before he wants them and I've had to decline multiple times, and I've asked that he requests holiday dates ideally in January so I can plan the year (also called an elaborate rule).

If you can afford it I’d also say get legal representation. Mine was worth her weight in gold. Though the court can say he needs to pick them up from school in the order it’s whether like others have said he actually will.
Also if he is evading cms get that brought up in court also, it won’t look good for him in front of the judge.
but the judge will decide what is best for the kids, especially if a cafcass report is done as they will 99% of the time be led by them also.

That's depressing.

So he can pick and choose and I just have to suck it up?

What a crap syatem.

You can pay a solicitor to say whatever you want in a letter so don’t take any letters to heart.

There was a post on here where an ex husband had a solicitor write a letter demanding that the OP revert to her birth name because his new wife wanted her to do so. The OP wanted the same name as her kids and had a professional reputation with her married name so wanted to keep that surname.

Many kids prefer the number of handovers to be minimised and it’s understandable that a ND child might prefer things that way too. Does your school tend to do Monday or Friday INSET days? You’ll need to work out what to do when there is no school on a Friday - ideally he’d take the day off but who knows?

I would be entitled to legal aid, I just can't find a solicitor available which is a nightmare.

As I say I'm not against him having contact, I just want what's best for the kids here, which isn't a lot of back and forth, just clear set Mums picking you up then and Dads picking you up then, so they know where they are at.

I wasn't really going to bring CMS up, although, randomly, he's bringing up the fact I've been in a refuge and my ex doesn't see my oldest at all anymore (oldest is a young adult now), but he hasn't mentioned that he has 3 other dc he doesn't see at all (finding that out was the catalyst for our split, he told me he had no dc).

He refused to take the dc for 3 days when I was getting an operation to remove a cancerous tumor, and then deliberately didn't pick them up a week later when I was in recovery and got pneumonia, then called SS to say I wasn't coping/house was a mess/kids were neglected as he knew I was there looking after them that weekend.

I had a lot of help so the kids were fine, and the house was fine, but he assumed I was alone.

This is the mindset he has. He can't take them, can't cope with them, hasnt got room for them, and is pretty neglectful, but he wants to make my life as hard as possible too to the detriment of the kids.

He can't take them, can't cope with them, hasnt got room for them, and is pretty neglectful

So why has he now had a change of heart, and why would you be ok with the children going there every weekend if he is neglectful and

I'm unsure why he's had a change of heart, he often steps up when there's a new woman on the scene.

One night a fortnight where the kids 'camp out' (no beds), have too much screen time, and eat shit isn't the end of the world. He can't cope with them, hence the screen time, and eating endless shit, but it's probably better to have that and see their dad overall.