Is there a way to manage this kind of drinking?

[Framesite]

A friend of mine drinks rarely, maybe 4-5 times a year, but when he does, goodness me.

He'll be having a great time, life and soul. Lively, but no more so than anyone else in a group that's also been drinking. Talking fine, walking fine etc.

Then all of a sudden, he'll become properly plastered. Can't stand, talking nonsense. He doesn't turn nasty, but he is a liability for anyone who's out with him, and getting him home safely becomes a challenge.

He always goes out intending to have a couple and no more, but he never does, and as I say, he only does it rarely, but is the only answer for him to not drink at all?

That's interesting because I've come to realise that too. I now much prefer one or two, to a skinful, although it took me a long time to realise that.

Weirdly I've also recently become a convert to non alcoholic beer. For a long time I thought "what's the point", have a soft drink if you're not drinking, but I do find that "feeling" of the first sip of beer at the end of a day, is still there with non alcoholic beer.

I had a friend like this very little tolerance for alcohol, one drink maybe OK next one absolutely falling down drunk, just something to do with the way his body dealt with alcohol. I don't think he drinks alcohol at all these days.

I have a friend that has made a total scene of herself at various friends weddings, and other social events, she gets absolutely plastered and makes things very awkward for the people around her. After doing at at my hen do I phoned her the day after and told her that I'd watched her make a show of herself at other's weddings and she needed to make a choice, because I wasn't going to let her do it at mine. She was mortified and has not got pissed in my company since. I'd talk to him and tell him the truth, that he's a liability and nobody wants to hang out with him when he's like that.

I post out of interest. I'm often the person trying to get him home. I was wondering if there's a way to help him manage himself, on the odd occasion he does decide to have a drink. Mostly he chooses not to drink at all.

I used to be like this i was an embarrassment, it was always fine fine plastered, I had to just cut right down i only allow myself a few spirits or 3 glasses of wine.

Anyway op you might need to say something at the start of the night and tell him you are not getting him home.

Ah - good that you know you can enjoy a couple, then stop, but my friend cannot stop after even one. No off switch at all!
I guess it's a know your limit type thing...

Yes, it is. Anyone who feels like they have a problematic relationship with alcohol can contact them for advice and support.

Have you read about the Sinclair method? Have a listen to this podcast (ignore the provocative title, it's not what it sounds like): https://podcasts.apple.com/pt/podcast/uncomfortable-conversations-with-josh-szeps/id1002920114?l=en-GB&i=1000671334907

Very interesting discussion with a journalist I'm a fan of, who used the Sinclair method to deal with her alcoholism. Might be something worth considering for your friend.

He has to realise that drinking more will ruin his buzz.

I did this type of drinking for about 20 years.

I still love a drink but don’t do this. It's because when I drink I drink for a buzz and not to get drunk.

It used to be that I would drink and drink and drink. Once you're a bit drunk you lose control over how much you drink. You just keep going and going and end up like that.

He needs to sip and wait and feel the buzz and not take more until his buzz is actually gone.

It's a subconscious assumption that another drink will heighten the buzz.
The mindset needs to be that another drink will ruin the buzz.

It probably is futile. However, the OP has asked if there is a way she could help. If I wanted to be able to go out drinking with a friend who tended to overdo it, I might try this before refusing to go out with them at all.

I would refuse to spend time with them when alcohol is involved. They drink. You leave.

He needs to know his tipping point and when to stop.

That's me. It depends on what I drink.
If I drink wine, after a large glass I feel nicely woozy. After 2 I am basically too drunk to know to stop drinking.

I try to avoid wine. I'd be OK, but over a meal, it only takes someone topping up your glass.

I never drink wine out. As you say, you get topped up and never know how much you've had!

Can you be honest with him? Tell him that getting him home is hard work and you're worried about his safety.

If not, then next time you have a night out planned, tell him you're heading off at 9 and stick to it. His behaviour is not fair on you.

@Framesite , I've had someone top up my glass after i had expressly told them not to because I was driving. It was having a small glass with a meal and not driving for hours afterwards. I think they were doing it so that I'd not drive.
Annoying and dangerous.

@Framesite

I think as another PP mentioned very succinctly, it is really not other people's responsibility to manage someone else's drinking. That is why I recommended Al Anon to you.

I have no agenda btw.

I just think until you realise that you cannot control someone else's drinking there is not much advice to be given to you.

All these suggestions - setting limits, half pints, 4 pints no more etc etc - this is all so infantilising and futile.

It is only he that can control his alcohol intake and whether it is physiological or psychological, his drinking is not under control if people have to "manage" him. Sorry to be blunt. As I said on my previous post, it's about his relationship with alcohol. And ultimately about your relationship with him. There is only one of those 2 things that you can control.