How am I meant to know if it's menopause,or if I really want a divorce.

[Rickyrainfrogcroaks]

Literally as the title says
Anyone gone through menopause can shed any light on it .
He's always wound me up ,never been what I wanted or needed in a man .
Had an affair and I took him back.
But I worked at it , constantly..he seems to think it's enough he goes to work.
If I divorce him it will be a shit show ..I'm not working,we have a difficult home life ,I'm a carer ..and I'm going to ruin 5 peoples lives by putting myself first .
I've been able to tolerate this for 30 years ..so why now ..when it's getting easier,can I suddenly not bare him near me ,I'm walking out of rooms as he walks in.
Suddenly I think he's a fucking idiot
If this is my hormones..does it go back to normal after menopause?
Technically he's done nothing wrong recently for me to be like this .
I guess I've just stopped putting the effort in the relationship,and he never has put any in .
I want to not feel like this
There's no point getting in to what the home life is like , because it will just derail the thread ..
I read some article a while back about a woman my age who got divorced and years later she realised it was a massive mistake and down to menopause.
I don't want to make the same mistake.
Just for clarity I'm diagnosed autistic and I would bet my house Mr rickyrainfrogcroaks is to .

I suppose if I don't know myself,no one can really tell me
Just hoping it's menopause and others had been the same

If you are a carer who will do the caring if you split? Will it be easier or harder on your own?

You could try marriage counselling which might make it clearer that he and you are not on the same wavelength and need to split

Menopause has given me a shorter temper, I was always more of a slow burn kind of person but my tolerance for bullshit has gone way down. HRT has helped with this but I still stand up for myself more.

I have never been pissed of by something that wasn't wrong though. If anything I took too much in the past and it was about time I started sticking up for myself.

Yeah same here

I really don't know ,how it would work
Had counselling in the past together..he didn't really contribute
Currently having counselling alone

I think you do want to divorce him but have put up with him because of circumstances.

Menopause gives you a wonderful ability to see the bullshit and to give zero fucks for putting up with it.

I loathed my lovely,caring, loving husband with my entire being at times before I went on Hrt and then I felt myself again.
however I honestly believe that the menopausal years remove / reduce our ability to just put up with shit any more and you mention many reasons that a marriage would fail from regardless of whether or not your menopausal in your post.
it sounds like you have a massive load to bare and absolutely no support from the person who is meant to help you deal with the problems in life as well as the smooth .
I’m definitely far less tolerant than I was before and I’m not dealing with half what you are.

Certainly possible

Hiya. I'm sorry but I think menopause is showing you your truth. You have stayed for convenience but now you realise you can't stand him and the way forward might have to be alone. Your head will be better for it and once the turmoil is over your whole life might be better and clearer??

There is an excellent thing I saw on insta from a women's writer probably, about how modern life seeks to convince women that we lack wisdom and intuitive knowing, by making our hormonal activity into 'madness' and 'just ignore me, I'll be better again soon.' But that is not the way.

Things might be hard to split but so what. You'll get there.

That's all true

Autistic, or actually a twat? You said yourself he puts no effort in, what makes you inferior that you have to! The rest of us who are not partnered still go to work.

DH really irritates me sometimes, but it’s temporary. It’s never lasted more than 2 days and that’s been when I have PMT, generally it’s no more than a day.

I’m peri-menopausal and I’m not allowed to take HRT, so there’s nothing to soften my feelings.

I would find it very hard to forgive an affair. He seems quite awful in other ways too.
Not everything is menopause.